We are happy to report that Travis has survived his surgery, and, while he reports that he “can’t really see straight,” (sounds about normal, actually) he is alive. Use this a an electronic “Get Well Soon” card. Hurry back Travis: we’re all ears :ear: to hear how you made out. 😉

According to a statement released by Abdul Maajid Ima Faahti, spokesman for Osama bin Laden, Al-Qaeda has officially suspended all activities in their war against freedom. In the statement, released by bin Laden’s law firm, Shapiro, Goldberg and Smith, Ima Faahti said:

We used to hate the infidels for their freedom. But with the pig Bush and his secret courts, secret warrants, secret prisons, suspect torture, massive data gathering on all aspects of his own citizens including medical, library, and financial records, the imperalist dogs no longer have any freedoms. Ha! My 23rd wife has more freedom, and I keep her tied to a tent pole.

When asked what bin Laden’s future plans were, Ima Faahti stated, “He would like a nice delousing, some dialysis, and perhaps tickets to the Jerry Springer show. He loves that Springer.”