Here we are again, another Sunday, another round of talking heads. Last week was birdshot Sunday, but this week I reckon it’ll be all about ports. Well, as long as we don’t have to look at Mary Matalin, how bad can it be?

It’s a Republican love-fest over at Press the Meat, as Timmy boasts an “exclusive” with the Gropenator himself, Ahnold “Duh Peeg” Schwanzenschtupper. Vow, ein eggskloosif mit Ahnold. Oy. First, though, Republican Peter King (isn’t he the Sports Illustrated guy?) of NY and Republican John “Hey, so what if she was old, I banged Liz Taylor” Warner of VA talk ports. Warner tells us why it’s a great thing to let another country control our ports (and how we should only be xenophobic when the President tells us to be xenophobic), and King will no doubt try to harummph enough to appease his constituents, but not so much that he alienates his masters. Then they’ll discuss how well things are going in Iraq, for everybody except the Iraqis, the US soldiers on the ground, and anybody else crazy enough to be there. Check you local listings, because, believe it or not, the freakin’ Olympics are still going on. I thought theses things were supposed to happen every four years, not last four years.

Over on CBS, Bob “Claudia” Schieffer has, um, well, I don’t know who he’ll have on Fazed the Nation this week, because they aren’t saying. Must be a secret (or maybe they had Don Knott’s scheduled). Gee, I sure hope it’s Bill Frist and Joe Lieberman. They could get them to reenact a few scenes from Brokeback Mountain.

This Weak with George Snufalufagus has John “Sell Out” McCain and Carl Levin on to talk ports and Iraq. Hey, maybe Saddam Hussein can manage our ports (he’s got fewer ties to 9/11 than Dubai does). Let’s see how tight a leash the Bushies have McCain on this week. On the roundtable, there’s former Pentagon mouthpiece (and one of Mary Matalin’s bestest buddies) Torie Clarke, WaPost op-ed writer E.J. “Pass the Grey Poupon” Dionne, George :jerk: Will, and, providing a little bit of color to this vanillapalooza will be Fareed “Token” Zakaria. Finally, Richard “Got Any Gerbils” Gere (from North Syracuse, I might add) apparently has “a message [for] President Bush on the issue of AIDS in India.” I’m sure dubya will be watching closely.

Over at Fux News Someday with Chris “Dork” Wallace, it’s Port Talk, with Homeland Security Adviser Fran “Who?” Townsend (think they’ll ask her why DHS initially objected to the port deal, before being told to shut up?) and Senator MBNA himself, Joe Biden. Then it’s Republican Governor Mitt Romney of MA, and, um, Joe Gibbs, for some reason.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Ed Bradley talks to voodoo magic witchdoctor Hans Keirstead about the evil Stem Cell research, and walking rats, Lesley Stahl talks coal with Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer, and Steve Kroft talks to Stephen Flynn (who actually knows stuff, unlike everybody else you’ll hear from today) about port security. Oh, and if Andy Rooney hasn’t died yet, he’ll probably be whining about colored paperclips or something.

Over at CNN…. Well, who really cares?