I’m still pretty beat from Friday night, but let’s see what the Sunday news programs have in store for us today.

On Press the Meat, The potatoheaded one has Newt Gingrich (why?) and Senator MBNA, Joe Biden. Then its Count Novakula, who will desperately try to pretend he’s still relevant. Fortunately Timmy has his back.

Over at Faze the Nation, bush buddy Bobby Schieffer has Condi “the Lizard Queen” Rice on to tell us how great things have been going during her rein as Secretary of State and presidential concubine (I understand she’s been trying to get dubya to start smoking cigars). Then it’s Richard Haas (unfortunately not the Richard Haas who’s president of Steelworkers local 9443-1, but wingnut Dick Haas of the Council on Foreign Relations). Hey, how’re them foreign relations goin’, Dick? And, just to make the show fair and balanced, it’s DINO Jane Harman.

The Lizard Queen slithers on over to Fux News Sunday, and, speaking of creepy slithering things, so does VA Senator George Allen. Chris “twinkieass” Wallace also adds CT Senator Chris Dodd, and Philippe Cousteau (note to Fox – that’s with three p’s – but not all in a row – geniuses), president of Earth Echo International, and son of the late Philippe Cousteau, who was the son of the late Jacques-Yves Cousteau, who was the son of another dead Cousteau.

Over on This Weak with George Snufalufagus, it’s yet another talking lizard performance, as Condi discusses the “brewing tensions” in the Middle East (note to ABC; you can take the pot off the burner, ‘cuz this shit aint just brewed, it’s burned), and then Madeline “Vincent Gardenia in Drag” Albright will be on to tell us what she thinks of the the job the current Sec State has been doing. At the roundtable, it’s Sam “worst toupee in the business” Donaldson, Cokie “scag” Roberts, Fareed “Token” Zakaria, and George :jerk: Will. Plus, former olympic gymnast Kerri Strug will tell us how she’s been bending over backwards to fight crime at the DOJ.

On CNN’s Late Emission with the Wolfman, it’s White House mouthpiece Dan Bartlett, and then Shimon Peres will explain to us why killing Lebanese civilians and attacking Lebanese infrastructure isn’t terrorism (I mean, it’s not like they didn’t clear it with dubya first). Next up is token redneck, Trent Lott, and token DINO, Dianne Feinstein. Then, Syrian Ambassador to the US, Dr. Imad Moustapha, Iraqi National Security Advisor, Dr. Mowaffak al-Rubaie (my security advice? stay the hell out of Iraq), Pakistan’s foreign minister, Khursid Mahmood Kasuri, and Professor of Middle East Studies Fouad Ajami will all tell us how great it is that the US had brought “Western Style” Democracy to the region. And finally, the astronauts aboard the space shuttle will be on to tell us that, on second thought, they’d just as soon stay in fucking orbit.

Later, on 60 Minutes, as if you aren’t getting enough facism from your government, Morley Safer tells you how you might just get an extra dose of facism from your emplyer, too. Then Scott Pelley rolls out a report about two orphans and the Holocaust, and Bob Simon does a story about how Bode Miller is the best skier in the US, even though he choked in the Olympics (because, um, this is a story we’ve all been clamoring for).

An all new episode of Deadwood is on HBO, plus new shows of the 4400 and the Dead Zone (at least, I think they’re new; I have to confess I didn’t bother to check). Enjoy your Sunday, and rest up. You’ll need your strength to face that Maronless Monday coming up tomorrow.