Not much to say today. Too busy counting down the days ’til Lionel comes on board. Whoo-hoo.

Bleh, Monday. Lots to do, and neither the time nor the inclination to do them. Plus, we once again begin the countdown to the death of another show. The third time for us here, and the removal of yet another of the “original crew” that made AAR so special for so many of us here. I really do hope Sam and Marc wind up somewhere else that will absolutely fucking bury AAR – at least in whatever time slots they wind up in. I’m really tired of all of this.

Oh, and Happy Iraq Liberation Day! Hard to believe our little Democracy is four years old already. I’m a little worried that it hasn’t started walking yet, though.

Jesus died for your sins. Deal with it!

Speaking of sins, on Press the Meat batshit crazy Kate O’Beirne (please, tell me that’s her married name, and she’s not really Irish; it’s bad enough we’re stuck with O’Reilly, Buchanan, and Colin Quinn) joins Timmy Potatohead, along with David Gregory, Judy Woodruff, and Chuck “I never met a Republican I didn’t like Todd. I hate to be superficial, but when I look at Todd, the word “asswipe” jump jumps into my head.

Over at CBS, bush buddy Bobby Schieffer is joined by Mike “Huckleberry” Huckabee, who thinks he’s a presidential candidate, WaPost Deputy Editorial Page editor, Colbert I. King, and Mike Allen, of the perpetually inaccurate (and basically worthless) collection of hacks known as Politico.com.

On Fux News Sunday, weaselface Wallace hosts Chuck and Newt (why Newt? I mean, Chuck is at least a US Senator, Newt’s just a disgraced hypocrite with a really stupid name), plus Bill Buckley’s boy Christopher.

Over at the Goebbels network (home of the “Pelosi’s Syria Visit a Felony?” headline), George Snufalufagus hosts Carl Levin, and Krazy Jon Kyl, plus John and Teresa Kerry on their new book “This Moment on Earth,” (also known as, “Hey, if I write a pro-envionemnt book, will everybody like me the way they like Al Gore again?” and Walter Isaacson on Einstein’s faith (and presumably how he’d probaly not have tried to ban science in schools).

Wolf Blitzer’s Late Emission includes impotent Republican Sen. Arlen Specter, disgusting Republican Sen. Joey Lieberman, Tommy “I got about as much chance becoming President as Mike Huckabee” Thompson, and Vincent Gardenia in drag, Madeleine Albright.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Scott Pelley talks to straight talkin’ (straight out of his ass), brave walkin’ (as long as he’s guarded by 100 soldiers and a few attack helicopters), maverick John McCain. Then Morley Safer doesn a story on Rich Berman, the brave lobbyist who crusades against such evils as animal rights, healthy food, labor unions, and Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Finally, Steve Kroft does a story on success of the French Nuclear Power program (all that, and fast trains too? Bloody frogs).

But of course, we need to remember what’s truly important on this most sacred of days. The Sopranos return tonight at 9:00 on HBO.

Well, today is Holy Taintday (‘taint Good Friday, and ‘taint Easter) – the day Jesus spent regenerating inside the Tardis, before reemerging to battle the Daleks. Or something like that (I told ya, I’m a little vague on the whole story). Anyhow, it’s also the day when devout christians such as myself spend time honoring God by dying Easter Eggs and removing the penises from chocolate Easter Bunnies (don’t waste them; send them to the Reverend Ted Haggert), while contemplating the Divine Triad (Jesus, Doctor Who, and Marilyn Manson).

Therefore…

Yeah, what’s so friggin’ good about it, anyway?

Today’s the day when Kristians around the world celebrate what they love the most – torture and death. Just one thing that probably ought to be pointed out, though. It was the Romans who killed Jesus, not the Jews (hell, Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem for Passover when the Romans arrested him), contrary to what you might hear from Mel Gibson’s dad or that numbnuts asshole from the Catholic League, Bill Donohue (who feigned so much righteous indignation over the whole fake “chocolate Jesus” controversy).

So, to Mr. Donohue, Messrs. Gibson, and any of the other people offended by Jesus with a penis (apparently Jesus was actually a Ken doll) while still being 100% on-board with humiliation, torture, invasion of a sovereign nation, and the deaths of thousands of US soldiers and hundred of thousands of Iraqi civilian, I dedicate this Tom Waits clip to you.

Oh, and have a good Friday.

Holy Thursday, Batman! Today’s a big day, Christ-wise. I know, because it says so on Wikipedia. Being your basic fallen Catholic (frankly, I wasn’t really paying attention even before my fall from grace), I’m kind of vague on the whole thing, other than this is the first day of a four-day weekend, culminating in the most holy of holidays on Sunday (that, of course, being the beginning of the final season of the Sopranos on HBO). Bittersweet, to be sure. At least I can finally go back to doing all those things I didn’t actually give up doing for Lent. And wash these goddamn ashes off my forehead.

Ha. Looks like we’ll get to see footage of John McCain’s big macho shopping trip in Baghdad on 60 Minutes next Sunday. I hope they got a good shot of the hundred soldiers and the Blackhawks, of course, but I’m really keen on seeing the Apache gunships. They’re pretty cool helicopters (and I should know, since I used to fly my Apache Longbow flight simulator all the time). Pretty lethal too.

Happy Passover to everyone. I hope you had a pleasant Seder last evening, and another one tonight. Bit of bad news yesterday, as my mother-in-law broke both of her wrists. This unfortunately not only means that we’re having Easter dinner here, but also that I’ve been volunteered to cook it. So, I reckon I’ll have to figure out what to cook. None of these heathens seem to like ham, so I’ll have to come up with something else. A good excuse not to do my school work, I guess.

So, here comes another week. Last week pretty much sucked. Well, it sucked at the beginning, but got better toward the end. Hopefully this week will just be a good week. Or at least not a really shitty week. Sometimes, you just gotta lower your expectations (which is how my wife wound up with me). I hope your week starts well, and ends better.

Gee, April Fools and the Sunday talking head shows. How appropriate.

This week, Timmy Potatohead tells us he’s ashamed of being a disgusting shill, and vows to start speaking truth to power. His guests on Press the Meat this week are Joe Lieberman, who admits what a pathetic piece of shit he’s become, then resigns from the US Senate, and Senator John McCain, who discloses that that shit in his cheek is actually an alien symbiont. McCain then begs somebody to shoot him before they hatch. Fellow Vietnam Vet Jim Webb is happy to oblige. Over at Fux News, an apparently inebriated Chris Wallace begins the show by sobbing out an apology to his dad for growing up to be such a failure, admitting to wearing women’s underwear, and saying he’s through with being a Republican propagandist. He also calls Rubert Murdoch the incarnation of Joseph Goebbels, tells him to go fuck himself, and then walks off the set, drastically in need of a diaper change. Bill O’Reilly – glassy-eyed, and still wet from the shower – rushes to fill in, still holding what’s left of a soggy falafel in one of his meaty little fists. At CBS, Bob Schieffer decides to turn the tables; instead of facing the nation, he moons it. George Snufalufagus, hosting a special roundtable, tells Cokie “the Cryptkeeper” Roberts that she makes him physically ill. He then yanks the toupee off Sam Donaldson’s head, and shoves it down George Will’s throat, leaving both his hand and Will’s lips covered in black shoe polish. Over at CNN, they change the name of the “Situation Room” to the “Position Room,” and Wolf Blitzer dutifully assumes the position. Later, on 60 Minutes, Morley Safer tells Andy Rooney he’s tired of his whining, bitch-slaps him a few times, and then spits in his face. Rooney responds by squeaking out, “did you ever wonder why people have to spit in the drinking fountain? It never goes down the drain, and then the next person coming along has to bend down and just about put their nose in it, just to get a drink of water.”

April Fools!

OK, now the real April fools….

On Press the Meat, the Potaoheaded one hosts Pat Leahy, who will hopefully choke the shit out of Gonzo apologist, Orrin “down the” Hatch. Also, Charlie Rangel will be on to hawk his new book.

Meanwhile, it’s more Gonzo and a little bit of Iraq over at CBS, as Bush buddy Bobby Schieffer hosts Chucky Schumer and Arlen “all talk” Specter, plus Bush “Counselor,” Dan Bartlett.

Over at Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace hosts Mitch “the prick” McConnell and Senator MBNA, Joe Biden. The topic? Will our brave president be allowed to give our soldiers what they need to fight his glorious war, or will the godless Democrats be allowed to starve them to death, by insisting on a non-binding timetable to pulling out of this mess?

On the Goebbels network, it’s more Dan Bartlett, this time on with Dick Durbin to talk some more Gonzo, and a little Iraq. Then, for reasons know only to Mickey and Goofy, its’ freakin’ Tommy Thompson, on to pretend he’s got something relevant to say, and to talk about his presidential aspirations (lotsa luck,Tommy; just what the Republicans need, another loser in the race). Then, at the Roundtable, it’s Fareed “token” Zakaria, graduate of the NPR school of hackery, Martha Raddatz, and George :jerk: Will. And then Cal Ripken apparently has a book to hawk, too. To quote Archie Bunker, “whoopdie-doo, whoopdie-doo, whoopdie-doo.”

Over at CNN, the only people that look interesting from Wolf Blitzer’s Late Emission are Mick Ware and Al Sharpton.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Steve Kroft reports on how the pharmaceutical industry lobby bought off Congress to foist the despicable Medicare prescription drug law on us (better late than never, eh, Steve?), Lesley Stahl does a story on whether, if crime scene DNA is matches a suspect so closely that the odds are the perpetrator is in the suspect’s family, the cops be allowed to investigate family members (would the answer be, “duh?”), and Scott Pelley breaks a big story: Global Warming is real! Who knew?

Now, get out there and fool at least some of the people some of the time today.