Hard to believe this is the last day of August already. When you’re a kid, you hear the old people talk about how fast the years go by, but you don’t really appreciate it until you’re the old guy, bitching about time flying (and your aches and pains), and repeating all of your old stories while the young folk effect those stone-faced, semi-smiling looks as they try their best to tune you out to keep from going fucking crazy. Pretty soon, all that’ll be left is talking about how many medications you’re on, and discussing the quality of your BM’s. Is it any wonder Peggy Lee sang, “is that all there is?”

But, it’s a three-day weekend coming up, and that’s a good thing (first day off for me since July 4^th, and that’s waaaaaay too long). And we have visitors coming too. Granny’s daughter and her husband are coming with the little one, who I have yet to meet. They’ll be showing off the kid to her great grandparents, so that ought to be fun. We can sit around and tell all the old stories, and talk about our BM’s and whatnot. ‘Cuz, well, that’s all there is.

In honor of Kevin (and the restof our heathen brethren), I’d like to start this day with a prayer. It’s been a while, and I’m trying to do this from memory, so please forgive me (or, should I say, “forgiveth me”) if I don’t get it quite right.

:priest: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy.” And the Lord didst grin and the people didst feasteth upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and… (I shall skippeth a bit). And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou counteth to three: no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” Amen. :jesus:

Oh, hell, better yet, just watch this:

So, it turns out Larry Craig isn’t gay, and to prove it, he’s planning on spending a weekend this winter locked in a cabin with nothing but Ted Haggart, a gallon of massage oil, and a couple ounces of crank. I hear Rush Limbaugh is willing to ship them a couple hundred doses of Viagra, too (from his award-winning Dominican Republic stash). Well, at least old Larry didn’t go for the “there was a scary black guy there, so I offered to pay to let me blow him, ‘cuz if there’s one thing you can ever do to placate a scary black guy, it’s offer to blow him.”

You have to wonder if it’s starting to dawn on these twisted, hate-filled, jeezus-praising morons just how fucking stupid they are for having fallen for the line of bullshit these hypocrites have been selling ’em all these years. Nah, prob’ly not. And that’s OK, I guess. It isn’t about reality, it’s about faith.

I always wonder why people of “faith” always seem to get so goddamn upset by people who don’t subscribe to their little beliefs. I mean, you’re right, I’m wrong, and I’m going to hell. Isn’t that enough for you? Life’s short, so why not just sit back and let us damn ourselves for all eternity, while you sit back, relax and smile smugly? It isn’t enough you get raptured up, while I burn in hell? You have to try to make me fucking miserable for what little time I have left here on earth, too?

Of course, it isn’t just the bible-thumpers that do that. People get downright violently upset when you don’t happen to share whatever belief it is they have (be it religion, UFO’s, their pet conspiracy theories, whatever). Why anybody should care what anybody else thinks (or who they sleep with) is beyond me. All I’ve ever wanted is to basically be left alone to do my own thing in peace (and don’t be rubbing my foot while I’m trying to do it). I think that’s all most people want. Why that isn’t good enough for the likes of Jerry Falwell and Fred Phelps is beyond me.

So, some of you may have noticed a set of links that now reside in the page footers here. They’re not there because I endorse them (far from it; they look like the typical shit that you get spammed with, so I wouldn’t bother clicking on them). They’re there because they offered me money – up front, no “per click” nonsense – to put them there. I feel a bit as if I’m selling my soul, but they’re pretty unobtrusive text-only links (I’ll bet most people won’t even notice they’re there), and they actually pay me a month in advance. My guess is that they’re just there to get noticed by web spiders, so that the sites they link to will get elevated in search results. Whatever. I’m not getting a fortune for them, but they actually cover the cost of the web hosting fees, with enough left over to buy a beer or two. So, I couldn’t resist. While I can’t vouch for the sites that these links go to, it seems like the advertising company that’s paying me is actually on the up-and-up. Now I can keep this site going forever – even if everybody goes away (which is looking more and more likely these days).

Anyhow, so I got an e-mail from Barbara Boxer yesterday. She wants me to “take a stand on Iraq.” Well, sorry Barb, but, guess what? I took a stand on Iraq a long fucking time ago. It’s time for you assholes in the Senate to take a goddamn stand for a change. Now, I’m sorry to take it out on you, BB (I think you’re one of the better ones, frankly), but jeezus fucking krist, don’t try and feed me this bullshit about how signing an online petition (that I’m pretty damn sure will eventually lead to a money contribution form) is really gonna “show ’em.” Petitions, marches, e-mails – been there, done that. It’s time for you to take a stand, and get the spineless Democrats and the corrupt Republicans to put an end to this shit now. Then, maybe, you’ll get a buck or two out of me. Otherwise, it’s the spam folder for you.

I also heard an interview on NPR last night (kind of a three-way, actually), with Robert Siegel, EJ Dionne of the WaPost, and David Brooks of the Bush Administration NY Times. They were speculating on a replacement for Gonzo, with Brooks saying something to the effect that they’d need to pick a Washington “insider,” since the big job for the United States Attorney General would be defending the Administration’s Executive Privilege claims. Excuse me there, Dave, but I thought the AG was supposed to work for the United States of America (you know, “we da people”), and not as the preznit’s personal mouthpiece. I know the DOJ has become Dick and Dubya’s plaything (and the US Constitution has become like Jeff Gannon in a mens room full of Republicans), but isn’t it about time we stopped that? Of course, neither Siegel nor Dionne bothered to interject. Bastids. Anyways…

Happy Birthday, Amanda Tapping! Yeah, I’m a geek.

I was kinda hoping Olbermann would come out with a “special comment” on NBC last night. Something about Bush and Cheney being disgraceful liars who ought to be thrown in prison. But I reckon that would’ve been a bit much for “we the people” to handle all at once. Still, it would be nice if Countdown got at least a weekly network airing.

Oh well, it was a good Sunday night kinda thing – and even some football to watch (preseason, but it’ll do until SU gets killed by Washington next Friday). There was a good hit on a ref, which is always fun to see (bounced right up, you gotta give him credit; he got leveled by a 315 pound, very large fella. I bet that hurts today). Not everybody in the house is exactly a football fan, though. And, as we all know, football is only for stupid people. Fortunately, I’ve never had any difficulty admitting I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. I’m just a happy idiot, trying to enjoy myself once in a while in my struggle for the legal tender.

Now, if I can just find out who the fuck was blowing off fireworks last night, I’ll be all set. The dog does not like fireworks (or boom-booms of any kind). Poor dog was nervous and scared the whole night. Bastids. Makes you want to go climb up in a bell tower somewhere.

So,what do these idiots have in store for us today? As usual, let’s start with NBC’s Press the Meat, and it’s meat (and potato) headed host, Timmuh Russert. Today little Russ boasts an exclusive with Lance “Cyclops” Armstrong, who will tell us that when hoisting your crotch onto one of those hard little bicycle seats (aka, “buttplug”) for hours upon hours every day, it aint too good for your nuts. Plus, it’s John Warner, who bravely came out this week, bent over, and asked dubya to just stick it in a little bit. Then there’s a roundtable with pretty boy Richard Engle, Fiasco author and WaPost military correspondent, Tom Ricks, and Bush apologist Michael Gordon from the NY Times.

Over at CBS, there might actually be something worth watching on Faze the Nation today, as bush buddy Bobby Schieffer hosts John and Elizabeth Edwards. Hopefully we’ll hear about more than a $400 haircut (like why a rich guy paying that much for a haircut is obscene, but a couple hundred thousand dollars – if not more – for treating breast cancer makes our healthcare system the “best in the world”).

On Fox News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace hosts Mitch “the prick” McConnell, Jack Reed, and Mike “Huckleberry Huckabee (who, it turns out, just loves the Clintons). Then we’ll be blessed with the marvelous opinions of the truly demented Bill Kristol, Gloria “Victor” Borger, of US News, the relatively insane Byron York of the National Review, Fox’s token minority, Juan Williams. And then there’s Nancy Brinker, who has raised millions of dollars for the medical/pharmaceutical industrial complex, in the name of breast cancer research.

Over on the Goebbels network, we’ll have to do without George Snufalufagus, but ABC news putz Terry Moran will be on hand to ask Jim Webb about how right-on dubya was to compare Vietnam to Iraq (except dubya has actually been to Iraq, albeit just to deliver a plastic turkey). Also on hand will be Krazy John Cornyn of Texas. Then it’s former Treasury Secretary Larry Summers (who, as President of Harvard, more or less said that there weren’t as many women in fields like engineering, because women just aint too bright). It’s two-thirds of the axis of drivel at the roundtable, with George :jerk: Will, Cokie “the hag” Roberts, and Fareed “token” Zakaria. Finally, GMA co-twit Robin Roberts talks about the Pink Heart Funds.

About the only thing worth watching on Wolf Blitzer’s Late Emission is Max Cleland, who will be on with Former Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi, Bill Richardson, Sam Bareback Brownback, Lt. Gen. Raymond Odierno, (#2 Army dude in Iraq), and the usual assortment of CNN hacks.

Morley Safer, on Dr. Anna Pou, who was accused of murdering four patients in New Orleans after Katrina (the Grand Jury just recently refused to indict her), then Scott Pelley runs a story on the big “fuck you” we’re giving to the Iraqis who have put their lives in danger by collaborating with the US, and Leley Stahl reports on MIT Prof. Nicholas Negroponte’s dream of putting a laptop computer into the hands of every child in the world.

Sammy’s off fishing this week, but his “Not-for-Summer Reading Show” should be better than anything you’ll see on the teevee, as he airs taped interviews with Daniel Brook, Glenn Greenwald, Dave Zirin, Linda Perlstein, Jeffrey Feldman, Juan Cole, and John Abramson.

Enjoy your Sunday, everybody. And Happy Birthday, KP! :cake: I wish I could be at your pool party.

I was gonna save this for September 3^rd, bit what the hell. If you can sit still and listen to this, you’re either dead, or very, very white (like, Colorado white).

Whoopdie-doo, it’s Friday! Even better, I get to spend the day at my undisclosed, alternate location, which means I’m two minutes from home, and out of work at four o’clock. No better way to end the week. Now, let’s get out there and get this week over with already.

This song sounds like it starts out as Bertha, but it isn’t. Here’s your two-part trivia question. Part 1: Who is performing “Take a Letter, Maria” in the following clip, and Part B: Who wrote and made this song famous, back in the day (written in 1969, I believe, but a big hit in the summer of ’74. Hard to believe that’s over 30 years ago. Here’s a hint, he covered “A Whiter Shade of Pale” way, way, better then Procol Harum).

First to post the correct answer earns an as-yet-to-be-determined prize. Rest assured, it won’t be anything too good. Give this few minutes before it gets crankin’.

Can anybody explain to me what’s so fucking tough about putting on your turn signal? Especially you left-turners out there. ‘Cuz, like, some of us actually have better (or at least more urgent) things to do than sit behind your fucking SUV sucking exhaust will you wait to turn left. And, no, waiting until the light turns green to put on your turn signal doesn’t count. Might as well just leave the damn thing off at that point, asshole.

While we’re at it, would it be too much to keep an eye on the traffic light while you’re sitting there? I mean, you basically have two very simple jobs when you’re at a red light: keep your foot on the brake, and pay at least some passing attention to the goddamn light. Is that so hard? Never mind your hair or your cell phone or whatever the fuck else it is you’re doing while you’re not paying attention to the light. A 17 second reaction time at a 20 second light is just not acceptable. Not when I’m the fifth car back, fer chrissakes. Bastids.

And why the hell do people think it’s cool to hoot, holler, scream, and shout, while people are on stage, trying to perform?

It’s Wednesday. Yep, sure is.