Press the Meat looks typically dull this morning, as the man with the head like a potato hosts SecDef Robert Gates. For what reason? Maybe to tell us how great everything’s going, which doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be scared to death of homemade submarines being towed around in our ports, menacing our big cruise ship tourist attractions. As long as we’re afraid (BTW, am I just not getting it? ‘Cuz, I don’t seem to be feeling much in the way of patriotic fear and anxiety), maybe we won’t notice that our steam pipes are exploding, our levees are failing, and our bridges are collapsing. Then it’s an “in-depth roundtable” on the “qualities and character traits” of the presidential candidates, with Carl Bernstein, on to push his Hillary book, CBN’s David Brody will be on to tell us what god thinks, presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin will hopefullt tell us how historically tragic the Bush presidency has been (like we don’t already know that), and David Mendell of the Chicago Tribune will be on to shill for his new Barack Obama book. What, nobody on to talk about the candidate that choosy polygamists are choosing this year? Or why what America needs is a cross-dressing multiple divorcee?

Over on CBS, Bush Buddy Bobby Schieffer trots out the Lizard Woman, Condi Rice, as well as Rahm Emanuel. Gee, there’s two people I wanna look at on Sunday morning.

Over at Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace gets himself some lizard action, and then the two hacks who claim to have been Bush “critics” – except they weren’t – Michael O’Hanlon and Ken Pollack of the Brookings Institution will tell us how, finally, things are going just fucking great in Iraq, and then the WaPost’s “fashion critic” Robin Givhan will be on to tell us that Hillary Clinton has tits.

Oh, but wait, it’s an exciting day at the Goebbels network, as George Snufalufagus hosts a special 90-minute debate with all nine of the Republican presidential candidates – Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, Polygamy – all your favorites will be there to out-torture and out-terror each other. Talk about your must-see teevee.

Wolf Blitzer’s Late Emission includes Robert Gates, Afghani Prez, Hamid Karzai, Carl Levin, former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto, and a collection of CNN hacks.

Later, on 60 Minutes, tonight’s collection of re-run segments includes Bob Simon, doing a story about that wonderful fantasy world of Kurdistan, where Americans are liked, violence is rare, the women are strong, the men are good looking, and all the children are above average. Then Steve Kroft tells us of the capture of Scilian Mafia head, Bernardo Provenzano. And, finally, there’s Morley Safer’s segment on British actress Helen Mirren. :yawn:

Finally, please join me in wishing a Happy Birthday to Raging Granny (as well as my brother, Tim) today. Granny turns 21 today, so now I can finally get her to go out and buy beer. Consider this your birthday card, honey. I’ll slip you a little something extra later on tonight.

Enjoy your Sunday.