Didja watch Chimpy’s speech last night? Me neither. I can’t stand watching the lying bastard. I’ll catch the reviews later on, I guess.

So, we went to get glasses the other day, and I guess I’m officially an old fart, ‘cuz I got talked into bifocals, which I’d been resisting. I don’t actually have short-arm disease the way other people (who shall remain nameless, so they don’t hit me) do. You know, where they have to hold something out at arm’s length (plus a foot) to actually see it. I just have to take my goddamn glasses off to see what’s up close, which makes it a pain to surf the web and watch the teevee at the same time. And my insurance (my wife’s insurance, actually) is great, so they pay for progressive lenses and all that good stuff (the guy who talked me into them fairly creamed his jeans over how great the insurance is; I felt like telling him “jeezus, dude, I said OK already).

But, anyway, back to glasses. I got the superdie-duperdie glasses, and only had to pay extra for the “transitions” lenses (the ones that get darker the more stoned you are brighter the light is), and I got the extra scratch resistant/smudge resistant coating, since I’m pretty tough on glasses, seeing as I never wear them, and always take them off and leave them somewhere where the goddamn cats can knock them on the floor. Supposedly, these goddamn things (the goddamn glasses, not the goddamn cats) would’ve cost me $500, but I only had to pony up $89 (as I told the guy, if I had to pay $500, I wouldn’t be getting them; not to mention that I wouldn’t even pay $89 for a cat).

I was gonna get my standard pair, but the guy took one look and said, “you don’t want a pair like that.”

What? I don’t? Well, what the fuck do I know? As my wife can tell you, like Doug Berman I’m not exactly a “slave to fashion.”
I suppose I ought to get my hair cut, too, since I’m sure it’s not “up to date” (it’s gettin’ pretty gray, too). But, I have an employer to break in.

I always feel it’s important to let new (or relatively new) employers know that, you know what? All that shit I said at the interview? Well, that was just bullshit. You asked the questions, and I bullshitted you pretty good. Better than anybody else, apparently (plus, you academic and “licensed” types seem to be pretty impressed by a degree – especially a masters).

So, anyway, you’re stuck with me now, and we both know what a pain in the ass it is to hire a new person, so you don’t wanna shitcan me as long as I’m at least competent (and, after all, I am nothing if not competent). You let me be me, and I’ll do some good shit (sooner or later; just don’t push me – you can’t rush genius, you know). Just don’t make me wear a tie, and let me have my ponytail again. Not that I think a ponytail is so great, but then I can cut my hair myself (just to keep it out of my face), and tie it back. I used to have it down to the middle of my back (and only just three or so months ago – prior to June; how time flies). It’s amazing, how easily we get absorbed back into the collective. So, anyway, that’s why I feel it’s important to assert your individuality right away. Otherwise, you’ll just get swallowed up (and not in a good way).

Now, where were we? Oh yeah. Glasses.

I always get the “aviator” style, because, at heart (though I’ve never flown anything, unless you count MS flight simulator, or Jane’s Apache Longbow), I’m a fighter pilot (also a rock star). But, apparently, aviator style glasses are no longer cool. This guy said I needed something more “up to date.” I think he was calling me old (or at least calling my glasses old). Which is funny, since he was older than me (at least, I hope he was) – and about twice my circumference (and I’m not exactly svelte these days).

So, I got these “Harley” frames. Not that they especially evoke “biker dude” (another one of my Walter Mitty – you young folks can go look that one up – personæ) to me, but they’re “Harley Davidson” branded. So, we’ll see what happens. No doubt I’ll be fighting the babes off like the guys in the Hai Karate (another one for you whipper-snappers to look up) commercials used to. They’re supposed to be ready on Saturday. I’ll keep you posted as to how they work (whether you give a shit or not).

Happy Friday, y’all!