So, I’m on my way out to the park yesterday, driving past the “DEMAND DOMESTIC DRILLING NOW!” signs (not just support it, mind you, but fucking DEMAND) it, and I’ve got the radio on. Apparently I’m officially old now, because if I don’t have NPR on, I’m generally listening to the oldies station (not even the “Classic Rock” station, but the oldies station that used to play, like, Elvis and Frankie Lane and Johnnie Ray and Theresa Brewer and the Ames Brothers and Pat fuckin’ Boone, fer chrissakes, when I was a kid, and now plays – talk about depressing – the music of my life).

In my defense, radio around here really blows, except for some of the weekend shows on the SU station, so there isn’t much of a choice.

Anyhow, they have this regular little banter on with the DJ and the guy who flies around in his airplane giving traffic reports, where the DJ asks a stupid trivia question, and the pilot (who apparently doesn’t have enough to do flying his plane and trying to spot traffic in a town that has none) tries to answer it. So yesterday’s question is:

“Only one crime is defined in the US Constitution. Is it: a) Murder, b) Treason, or c) Stealing.”

OK, I’m no constitutional attorney like Barack “Warrantless Wiretapping is Cool with Me” Obama (BTW, if you think the only thing wrong with the soon to be enacted FISA update is telco immunity, you haven’t been paying attention; the wonderful “compromise” that makes immunity oh-so-worth-it is worse than the immunity itself), but I can make a pretty good goddamn educated guess at that one.

So the pilot says,

“What was b) ?”

And the DJ says, “treason.”

“Huh?”

“Treason”

“Freezin’?”

“TREASON!”

I’m thinkin’ maybe it’s noisy in the plane.

“Huh?”

“Treason. T-R-E-A-S-O-N. Treason.”

“Gee, I dont’ know what ‘treason’ means.”

You don’t know what fucking treason means? WTF? Are there, like, no minimum requirements whatsoever to get a pilot’s license? I’ll tell ya, this explains a lot of these midair collisions. Find it in the freakin’ dictionary, dude; look for the picture of George W. Bush, and it should be right there. I mean, c’mon, I’m no William Saffire, but, jeezus, treason isn’t a “big” word, is it? It aint exactly antidisestablishmentarianism (or even supercalifragilisticexpialidocious). I don’t know. Maybe this guy was home schooled or something.

So, the dude guesses “stealing” (since he apparently knows what that means). Oy. Even if you don’t know what treason means, don’t you thing it’s a safe bet that murder and ‘stealing’ are common enough that the friggin’ Constitution isn’t going to go out of its way to make it the one goddamn crime it mentions?

I’ll bet this fella’s DEMANDING domestic drilling, too, damnit! And demanding it NOW!

I’m telling you, as a species, we really deserve what’s coming to us. It’s just too bad the rest of us have to get caught in the fallout.

Happy July, y’all!