Ah, kids. They really do say the darndest things. Take Bristol Palin, for instance, who told Fux News that expecting teens to abstain from sex (as her mommy and many other foot-tapping GOP geniuses preach) is “not realistic at all.” Well, duh. She does confess that it would be a whole let better not to get knocked up at 18, though. Gee, let’s see, hard to keep young kids with hormones raging from having sex? Not good to get pregnant so young? If only there was some sort of, oh, I dunno, call it “contraceptive” or something that we could inform these kids about, just in case they lose their Purity Rings down the drain or something. Nah, that’s crazy talk.

In other news, the carnage continues during this month of accidents and pratfalls. Not one, but two models hit the deck while attempting to walk down the runway during Herve Leger by Max Azria’s Fall 2009 fashion show in New York. Just goes to show, your parents were right again: always wear sensible shoes (and clean underwear).

Apparently Uncle Dick is furious (furious, I tells ya) at the Chimp for not pardoning his boy Scooter. We’ll have to see what develops out of this (a tell-all book, perhaps). As the saying goes, hell hath no fury like an Angry Dick (and this one’s not shootin’ blanks, either).

Speaking of anger and chimps, a 200 pound “celebrity” chimpanzee named Travis flipped out and mauled a woman in Connecticut. Apparently he was incensed when they re-elected that weasel Joe Lieberman, and just couldn’t let it go. Sadly, the cops killed Travis before Fox could sign a deal for their new reality show, “When Chimps Attack.”

And let’s hear it for Arnold Schwarzenegger and California. You may recall (so to speak) their last Governor, Gray Davis, was ridden out of office on a rail, due to his fiscal irresponsibility and whatnot. Well, the Governator has racked up budget problems far worse than Davis ever managed.

They might have to have a “going out of business” sale, and there are rumors that Schwarzenegger may be willing to sell Southern California back to Mexico if the price is right (assuming they can agree on a plan to keep the filthy gringos from crossing the border and stealing jobs from honest, hard-working Mexicans first, though). Of course California’s system (making it easy to pass ballot propositions and next to impossible to pay for them) would make things tough for anybody.

But apparently Ahnuld has been particularly ineffective on both sides of the aisle (being from NY, where we have our own ineffective Governor – who is withholding a Medicare payment of $38 million to the hospital where I work, forcing us to get a bridge loan from Stony Brook University – I don’t really know much about CA politics, and am certainly in no position to criticize).

Looks like I need to get ready for work. Plus, the Today Show seems to feel a need to shove Karl Rove in my face this morning (I’d sooner watch the big fat cellulite covered ass in a thong commercial, frankly). No time to proofread today, so feel free to pick apart any typos and left-out words you come across. Have a good one.