OK, so it was either Poisoned Pistachios or Confounded Conficker. Anyhow…

Air America woke up with wood this morning. At least they ought to be getting some at noon, since wood is the traditional fifth anniversary gift, and it was five years ago today at noon that Air America Radio hit the airwaves (in a couple of markets, anyway) and the Internet (except the stream was constantly crapping out) with the O’Franken Factor. We heard Ann Coulter (who sounded suspiciously like Bebe Neuworth) getting locked in the closet, Michael Moore plugging his soon-to-be-released film, “Fahrenheit 9/11”, and Al Franken telling for the first time what would become the same jokes over and over and over again. We also heard “oh, Al!” from Katherine Lampher (sounding a bit like Laura Petrie) for the first of many times to come. And I was probably the only one out there digging the Grateful Dead button music.

Randi Rhodes came on to do a four hour show all by herself (if anybody’s got a big enough mouth to do four hours solo, it’s Randi), and later that evening we were treated to the Majority Report, with Janeane Garafalo and stammering Sammy Seder. I remember sitting at work (in a crappy little basement “office” that was more like a computer storage closet, fiddling with trying to get the AAR audio stream to work (it was almost like the olden days, fiddling with the shortwave trying to get the BBC).

Ah, those were the days. Filled with promise and potential. I couldn’t wait for Air America Radio. Now, I couldn’t even tell you what the lineup is. The only thing they have on that I’m even mildly interested in listening to is BRL, and I almost never find myself in a position to watch/listen to it.

Still, you have to give AAR a certain amount of credit just for hanging in there for five years. Evan Cohen, the person who put together what I consider to be some of the finest radio ever (and I’m a bit of an old time radio connoisseur) – or at least had the good sense to put Lizz Winstead in charge, and let her run with the ball, assembling some of the best comedy writers in the business – turned out to be a lying crook. Danny Goldberg came in to save the day, and began the process of gutting all that was good from the network, and the Green boys came in to finish the job. Ah, but there was some really good radio there, for a year and a half or so.

On the bright side, I listen to a lot more music these days.

Glenn Beck says he’s a rodeo clown. I’ll agree with clown, but I think the rodeo part likely stems from a fantasy he has involving Jeff Gannon and leather chaps. Whatever his deal, he apparently has more viewers than anybody on cable news, except for O’Reilly and Hannity. Wow, what a triumvirate.

Sounds like General Motors Chairman Rick Wagoner got punked. Apparently Obama told him GM wouldn’t get bailed out unless he resigned, so he resigned. Psych! The aren’t getting bailed out anyway. Or are they? They’ve got 60 days to come up with a better plan, unlike Chrysler, which gets 30 days to find an automaker to merge with (aka, “buy them out”). It’s looking at least somewhat likely that the good old US of A will soon be down to one automaker. Bummer. GM is supposed to complete the first “true” Chevy Volt in June. Too bad it may be to little, too late.

I just don’t know what to say about this, so I don’t think I’ll say anything.

The headline in the lo-cal paper today (well, the online version, anyway) is “New York state budget full of taxes, some spending cuts.” Why is it they always portray these things in this way? Full of taxes? How about “rich people getting their taxes raised a measly 3% while teachers get laid off and hospitals close?” To reduce the tax burden on the wealthy, they’re also adding a bottle deposit to water bottles (about time, if you ask me), raising the tax on cigarillos (can’t say as I care much about that one), raising DMV fees and public college tuition, and getting rid of tax rebates for poor people (hey, buck up you goddamn freeloaders).

Tax the rich? Hell no, eat the poor.

David Gregory goes oh-for-two guest-wise today, as he hosts the drab duo of John McCain and Timothy Geithner.

Bob Schieffer scores the big guest this week, as President Obama visits Faze the Nation.

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace has Defense Secretary Bob Gates, Canadian PM Stephen Harper, head wingnut at the Heritage Foundation Edwin Feulner, and a whole bunch of fuxheads.

Geithner pops up again on the Goebbels Network, and George Snufalufagus also hosts a roundtable with Paul Krugman, George :jerk: Will, Cokie “the hag” Roberts, and Republican toady Matthew Dowd.

Later, on 60 Minutes, Lesley Stahl reports on computer viruses, Bob Simon reports on scumbags poisoning African lions to the point of extinction to protect their cattle herds, and Bob Simon reports on LeBron James, who, at 24, makes more money than God (to be fair, LeBron has better stats).

There’s also some sort of basketball tournament going on, but I don’t have time for such ridiculousness.

Have a good Sunday.

OK, let’s get this out of the way. SU played like shit from the opening tap last night, and the game was over from the start. We shall speak of this no more. It’s officially lacrosse season. Also, sake? Bleh. Sorry, KP, but I’d rather soak my dirty socks in hot water and then drink the water (hey, that must be how it got its name; some Japanese guy gave it to his friend, who said, “bleh, taste like sockie”). If I decide to go totally cheap, I’ll switch to boxed wine and seltzer water. A 5 liter box of wine goes for $8. Of course, it also tends to make me feel horrible the next day (cheap wine is a killer on my GI tract).

I don’t quite buy the octo-mom’s sperm donor as being equally culpable with mama or the doctors who agreed to provide her with a litter of pups (she’d really would be better off with puppies; they’re a lot easier to train, they don’t crap their drawers, can feed themselves if you leave some food out, and when they grow up, they don’t ask to borrow the car). I obviously don’t know the specifics in this case, but 14 children doesn’t mean 14 donations (unlike Deca-Dad, though he apparently got two with one shot). I can see somebody telling their friend they’d like to have a child and asking if they’d donate (not that I’d do it; you want my sperm, you gotta come get it yourself).

It’s been a while since Biology 101, but IIRC, there are something like 30 million living swimmers in one good blast. They can take that and pop it in the freezer and store it indefinitely. Then, when Mrs. Lubner’s ready, she takes out some of the mayonnaise from the freezer, makes egg salad, and whomps up a batch of embryos. Dr. Frankenstein implants a few, and pops the rest in the freezer for further use (that’s where we get all those snowflake babies from). And embryos can last for ten years or more (that’s why they have to clean out the freezer every once in a while, and flush the embryos down the toilet in order to preserve sacred life from being used to develop new lines of stem cells).

So, anyway, I can see where the guy might have been truly stunned to find out he had all these kids. Sperm is the gift that keeps on giving. There’s a big difference between doing that, and being a scumbag who knocks up women the old fashioned way, and then abandons them.

If I slip one past the goalie, then I have to take responsibility for my actions. But if you say to me, “hey, give me a jar full of the good stuff and don’t worry about what I do with it,” then I don’t know that I can be blamed when you decide to use it to make your own baseball team. I suppose you could insist on a “fair use” contract before handing over the goods (like, “I only authorize you to make one baby outta this”), but, really, the people that ought to be paying for child support, medical bills, and college for those kids are the goddamn idiot doctors who did the work (and took her money, wherever it came from).

The responsibility, IMHO, rests not with he who donates the seed, but with he (or she) who does the actually planting – whether it’s the old fashioned way, with a turkey baster, or by implanting 8 embryos into an unemployed single mom who’s already got a half dozen kids.

I hate to start out with bad news, but something pretty terrible happened yesterday. The grocery store raised the price of my current favorite beer (Hop Devil, by Victory Brewing, just outside Philly) from $8.49 to $9.99 a six pack. They were already pushing it at $8.49, frankly, and I’m afraid they’ve priced me out. I mean, I can get Saranac Imperial IPA for $8.99, and, while I prefer the taste of the Hop Devil, the IIPA comes in at 8.5% ABV (to Hop Devil’s 6.7%). That extra 1.8% definitely gives it a nice kick. So, I decided to go with a 12-pack of Saranac IPA for $12.99 (not Imperial; it’s only 5.8%), which I used to like but haven’t had in a while. Now it tastes like swill to me. Oh well. Where’s the bailout for small breweries?

For those of you paying attention, half of the Elite Eight is set, with the Big East going 3 for 3 in last night’s action, and, in a battle of the tigers, the Missouri Tigers took down the Memphis (wah! We deserved a #1 seed) Tigers in a defensive struggle, 102-91. Tonight, of course, two more Big East teams are in action, including #3 Syracuse against #2 Oklahoma. It promises to be a tough game. I reckon I might have to spring for some Imperial IPA.

Speaking of tigers, scheduled guests on Real Time tonight are former Princeton Tiger Bill Bradley (I think he was also a Senator or something), Mr. Humble, Christopher Hitchens, Mos Def, and Salman Rushdie.

With the SU game being at 7:30 (EDT), no matter what the outcome, I probably won’t be in much shape to make it to Bill Maher at 10:00 (if I get some IIPAs, I may not even make it to the end of the game).

Well, unemployment in my fair city is up to a new record of 8.9% (breaking the old record of 8.7%, set in February 1992), so I reckon I’d better get my game face on, and get ready to head in to work. At least tomorrow’s Saturday. If SU wins, I’ll be happily hung over, and if they lose, I’ll be sadly sulking. Either way, at least it’s a day off.

My teleprompter’s down, so I’ve got nothing to say. Except there’s a woot off today.

After a couple of pretty goddamn cold days, it’s supposed to warm up to the mid fifties today. That sounds pretty good to me (not that I don’t look dashing out at the park wearing my Elmer Fudd hat).

Speaking of the cold, could be I’ll be left out in it pretty soon.

Our accidental Governor (I may have previously mentioned how much respect and admiration I have for him) has been trying to put the screws to NY State public unions by forcing them to accept cutbacks to previously signed and negotiated contracts that wouldn’t really save a whole lot of money in the scheme of things, but would hurt public workers while pandering to the Archie Bunkers out there who piss and moan about public employees (and who would be the first to howl in outrage when the streets don’t get plowed, the garbage doesn’t get picked up, and the hospitals and schools are closed).

The public unions have told Blinky to take a hike, so now he’s having a petulant frenzy and calling for the first mass layoffs of state workers since the late nineties (this would, in theory, save less than $500 million, at least until you add in the extra overtime, lost tax revenue, and unemployment benefits – never mind the loss of services – out of a projected budget deficit of $16 billion). That’s about 3%. Not much of a dent, but I suppose he’s hoping his “get tough with the goddamn unions” stance will boost his pitiful ratings.

There’s nothing better in a crappy economy than creating more unemployment, I guess. It’s certainly better than asking rich people to kick in a few more bucks (taxes are for the little people, after all). And I’m sure the Governor’s private staff (and those of the State Legislature) will remain untouched (as will their pay and health benefits).

Public employees, of course, are always an easy and popular target of derision (kind of like how comedians can never go wrong with fat jokes); you’re supposed to be ashamed of yourself, take whatever shit you get, and, if possible, never be seen in public.

“Oh, State job. You must sit around on your ass all day not doing anything.”

That’s never been my personal experience, of course, but the myth continues.

Perhaps I’m just biased, though, since both of us here are employed by NY State (and, yeah, guess what, we pay taxes, too). Granny already has the privilege of working 12, 13, 14 hour days for 8 hours pay (I put in 10 hour days myself, but I’m salary so it comes with the territory). As for me, I recently moved from a technically non-State job into a State job, and while I have ten years of previous service in a past life, I’m basically a brand new employee. So, come July (when Blinky wants to start laying people off), I could very well be one of the first people out the door.

At least there are plenty of other jobs out there. 🙄

Oh well, more time with the dogs at the park, I guess.

Poor Governor Blinky. He just can’t get any love (maybe he should pay for it, like our last Gov). A new poll shows his approval rating is heading towards Cheney territory, at 19%. The scary part is the poll shows he’d lose to Guidi Ruliani if he runs. Gov Guidi. Oy.

Speaking of Dick Cheney, I guess I’m not the only one who wishes he’d STFU. Republicans want him to go back to his cave, too. Who needs Cheney when you have Tammy Bruce, anyway?

Yay! Wall Street executives get to keep their bonuses and our tax money with no strings attached – or else. Coincidentally, the stock market went way up. This is good news for us because, um, because, well, it just is, damnit! Now, if we can just find a way to screw over the autoworkers, we’ll be all set. I think it’s time for Plan B.

Well, hope springs eternal, and speaking of both, Spring Football practice began yesterday at Syracuse, amidst high hopes that our new coach – Doug Marrone – can turn the program around. It would be nice not to have to turn our thoughts to basketball season by the end of September for a change. I don’t know who’s got a tougher job, Marrone or Obama.

Marrone makes more, though.

I don’t normally watch 60 Minutes these days (kind of a Dan Rather solidarity thing), but there it was on my teevee right after some really good basketball games, so I left it on. I wonder how long it’ll be before I’m no longer stunned by the sight of a President who is dignified and articulate (and, in Joe Biden’s defense, he looks pretty clean, too)? Right away, I knew his seeming to laugh about the economic situation wouldn’t play well in Peoria, though (and, honestly, had it been Bush, we’d have seen posts of scorn, hatred, and derision at all of our favorite lefty outlets). That’s kind of how I try to gauge my reaction to the things Obama does. Not WWJD, but WIDDI – What If Dubya Did It.

I did enjoy the way he basically told Dick Cheney to go fuck himself, without actually coming out and telling him to go fuck himself (though I really wanted him to say “Cheney ought to STFU and be glad he isn’t in prison”). Speaking of Cheney, the story about the paranoid schizophrenic guy was good, too.

How creepy are those pictures of the plane crashing into a cemetery in Montana? Kind of surreal. Reminds me of that old brain teaser: if a plane crashes into a cemetery in Montana, where do they bury the survivors? Or, better yet, how will the NY Daily News spell “cemetery?”

Sylvia Plath’s son, Nicholas Hughes, committed suicide last Monday. Like mother, like son, I guess. Except, instead of gas, he hung himself.

Pretty good weekend for me, sports-wise, as my old high school beat the Batavia Blue Devils on Saturday to earn a trip to the NY State Basketball finals. Syracuse moved on the the Sweet Sixteen by defeating the Arizona State Sun Devils on Sunday while my high school team was in the process of bringing home its second State Basketball championship in a row, beating the Peekskill Red Devils in OT. I cast ye out, Satan. Toss in an SU lacrosse win for good measure, and it makes Monday a little easier to take (though I have to admit to being somewhat exhausted, having been unable to sleep for various reasons), and a nice week waiting for Friday night’s game against Oklahoma.

Press the Meat brings in the heavy hitters today: Mayor Mikey Bloomberg, the Governator, and Gov. Ed Rendell of PA. As if that wasn’t enough, there’s also Tom Brokaw and Erin Burnett. Woo-hoo.

Faze the Nation has Austan Goolsbee of the White House Council of Economic Advisers, Barney Frank, Iowa Republican Chuck Grassley, John Dickerson (whose mother Al Franken lusted after in his heart), and Jackie Clames of the NY Times.

Fux News Sunday and Weaselface Wallace will have Christina Romer, chair of the White House Council of Economic Advisers, Alabama cracker Dick Shelby, Charlie Rangel, and chief White House photographer Pete Souza. Plus the usual fuxheads.

At the Goebbels Network, George Snufalufagus has Sen. Kent Conrad, D-N.D., Sen. Susan Collins, R-Maine, Rep. Mike Pence, R-Ind., and Vice President Joe Biden’s chief economist, Jared Bernstein. Then there’s a roundtable with Robert Reich, George :jerk: Will, Donna Brazile and Betsy Stark.

After that, it’s basketball, basketball, basketball, President Obama on 60 Minutes, and the season finale (already? That sucks) of Big Love.

Crap. The weekend’s over already?