Yesterday really sucked. Had a bunch of shit go wrong that had me working until 12:30 AM (way past my bedtime, even on weekends). Things are are still wrong, and I need to try and get an early start and get into the office as soon as I can. So, this will be brief: Life sucks, and then you die. Unless you’re rich, in which case things are pretty good (relatively speaking), and then you die. If you’re rich and famous, well, watch out. June’s a killer.

And so, the clock runs out on another weekend as we near the last day of what has been one of the deadliest months for celebrities in recent memory. I don’t know if that’s actually true, but it feels like it’s true, and that’s all that matters (I’d use the word “truthiness,” but I was reading a review of the Ford Fiesta in Automobile Magazine – yeah, I get that for free for some reason; don’t ask me why, as I really don’t much care about cars, but I’m kind of a free magazine whore, and when they offer, I just take ’em – and they said that “truthiness” was a “Generation Y” word, so I guess I can’t use it. It makes me wonder what comes after Generation Z, though).

I didn’t have a chance to pay much attention to “current events” over the weekend, other than to keep an eye on the celebrity death watch (Abe Vigoda is still hanging in there, by the way), but I did catch a couple of things.

The President had a luau over the weekend at the White House, in lieu of the traditional “Congressional Picnic.” I wasn’t invited, but it sure did look like lots of fun (I’d say it’s the most leis in the White House in one day since the Clinton Administration, but that sort of humor is beneath me). Anyhow, it’s nice that our congress critters had a good time. They work so gosh darn hard doing the people’s business, they deserve to have some fun once in a while. Too bad our NYS Senators couldn’t attend, but Governor Blinky still has them grounded until they finish their homework.

There was some sort of coup in Honduras, which is a country to the south of here, I think. Kind of like Mexico, only “southier” (and a little “eastier”). Apparently the military swooped in, arrested their President and packed him off to Costa Rica. But they didn’t kill him, which doesn’t seem very Central American Military Coup-like. They obviously weren’t trained at the School of the Americas.

John “Poppa” Boehner called the recently passed (in the House, anyway) Climate Bill a “pile of shit.” Ironically, I think John Boehner is a pile of shit. He’s just afraid he’ll have to cut down on his tanning booth hours. Cap and Trade, Johnny. I’ll sell you some of my carbon offsets.

Bernie Madoff gets sentenced today. His lawyer says he should get 12 years. Prosecutors want 150 years. Hey, why not just split the difference?

An Argentinian woman has admitted knocking boots (as Andy Sipowicz used to say) with Mark Sanford. She looks kinda like Claudia Black from Farscape. In an effort to be fair and balanced on the political sex scandal front, I’ll mention that one of John Edwards’ former aides says John and his squeeze made a sex tape. Oy, let’s hope that one stays hidden.

I reckon that’s about all, and I have to get ready for work anyway (aint that a revoltin’ development).

Oh, and this just in from the Today Show: Michael Jackson is still dead. The Jackson Family is mourning the loss of its top earner beloved member. Any predictions as to who comes out with the first tell-all book?

On Press the Meat today it’s David Axelrod, Mitt and his Magic Underpants, and creepy little closet queen, Lindsey Graham. Then at the roundtable, it’s Republican scumbags David Brooks and Mike Murphy, plus the Washington Post’s E.J. Dionne, and Dee Dee Myers.

Over at CBS, Faze the Nation has U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, Susan Rice, pus the new chairman of the Republican Governors Association Barbour.

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace has HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius and chinless fuck Mitch McConnell on to talk about health care reform. Plus the Commanding General of the Multi-National Force in Iraq, General Ray Odierno.

David Axelrod makes an appearance at the Goebbels network with George Snufalufagus, along with Republican Senator Chuck Grassley and at the roundtable it’s Paul Krugman, Peggy Noonan, Michael Eric Dyson and Kathleen Parker.

At CNN, Fareed Zakaria has Tony Blair, plus a debate on the shitty economy and if Obama has a prayer of fixing it.

Have a good one.

So, the House barely passed a less than comprehensive (but better than nothing, which is about all we can expect these days) energy bill yesterday. Roll Call Vote here, if you want to check up on your Congress critter. Basically, it went this way: 82% of the House Democrats voted for it, 94% of the Republicans voted against it. Three of our “representatives” were apparently too busy mourning Michael Jackson to bother voting (or maybe there were “taking a hike”). As for addressing climate change, this all means basically nothing since, as we all learned on School House Rock, the Senate now needs to pass their own version of this bill – the American Clean Energy Leadership Act, which was marked up in and reported out of the Committee on Energy and Natural Resources by a vote of 15-8 on June 17th. Environmentalists and scientists are not impressed. But, even to get this thing through, counting Joe Lieberman and Bernie Sanders as Democrats (which, in my opinion, is a slur against Bernie Sanders), then any Senate bill would require roughly 102% of Democrats to vote for cloture. Since, even on a good day, the best you can count on is maybe 83% of Democrats, we need to get at least 27% of Republicans, which will be done by further weakening an already crappy bill. Get ready for more nuke plants, “clean” coal facilities, corn subsidies, oil drilling in ANWR, logging in National Parks, and helicopter wolf hunting. Or perhaps I’m just being pessimistic?

For you legal types out there, do we have some sort of a legal right to know the results of Michael Jackson’s autopsy? I mean, I suppose if there was a “crime” involved, it’d be a matter public record, but absent that, is it legally any of our business? Does “the public” have some sort of inherent right to satisfy its prurient curiosity? ‘Cuz, I really don’t think it’s any of our fucking business. Can’t we just give Mike’s (and David’s) families a little peace and respect?

And now they’re saying that all the attention being focused on MJ’s death is good news for the Mullahs in Iran, because the world has taken its collective eye off the Iranian government crackdown (as artnorton demonstrated with his network “news” rundown last night).

What a stupid species we humans are. And people actually believe that some Supreme Being created the entire universe just for us? Man, it just doesn’t seem like we were worth the trouble.

Speaking of trouble, more happy homeowner projects this weekend to attend to. All I lack is the energy to get them done. I think I’ll make a motion that we continue the debate on our kitchen renovation. I’ve got the dogs on my side, as long as I promise to take them to the park. Granny probably has the cats (little catnip whores). So, it’s 3-3, and she needs 5 votes to invoke cloture.

Then again, she hits pretty hard.

This just in: Michael Jackson is still dead.

I think all you celebrities need to lay low for the rest of this month. It’s dangerous out there. I saw on the teevee that vigils are being held worldwide for the beloved Michael Jackson. OK, I guess. I feel bad for the guy, but never really got the appeal (to me, he peaked with “Ben”). I mean, it’s not like John Lennon just got shot. One mourner outside Jackon’s LA residence (who didn’t even bother to take the cell phone out of her ear while being interviewed) said, “my goodness, it’s just like a modern day Elvis Presley dying.” Uh, I know Elvis died a while ago, but I’m pretty sure 1977 still counts as the “modern day.”

I suppose it’s just a generational thing (although MJ was two years older than I am). Music, to me, doesn’t involve hopping around and grabbing your crotch. I prefer sitting on the couch and grabbing my crotch. But, to each his own. A shame he had to upstage Farrah, though.

Speaking of music, it’s Jazzfest weekend, which is always a pretty big deal around here (especially since it’s free). In addition to all the local acts, Randy Brecker’s in town (without his brother Walter, who, sadly, passed away from leukemia back in 2007 – just wanted to keep the whole death theme going). Randy is actually playing with two groups here this weekend: the Randy Brecker / Bill Evans Soulbop Band and The West Coast / East Coast Dream Band. Spyro Gyra is here as well (they were a bar band in Buffalo while I was at UB). I won’t bore you with the full lineup, though if you’re interested, you can look here.

Lucky you, out there in Minnesota, as you’ll be seeing one of our favorite basketball players of all time next season. The Timberwolves selected Jonny Flynn #6 in last night’s NBA draft. Though they picked another point guard – Ricky Rubio – #5, so perhaps there’s a trade in the works somewhere. Jonny just seems like a great kid, was a lot of fun to watch (though I wish he’d stuck around another couple years), and was a real iron man. He averaged 38 minutes a game (out of 40) in two years here, and played 67 out of 70 minutes in last year’s 6-OT marathon game.

I’m glad it’s finally Friday. This has been a long week. Let’s get it over with.

All day yesterday, I thought it was Thursday. What a bummer to find out it was only Wednesday. Plus, it’s too goddamn hot and humid. And deer fly season is upon us. This is why I prefer winter.

So, Mark Sanford came out and cried because he got caught having an affair. Boo frickin’ hoo. I personally couldn’t give a crap what he does or whether his Stepford wife’s meds wore off and she kicked him the hell out of the house. Yeah, every time my wife finds out about my affairs, I go running to Argentina w/o leaving a forwarding address, and spend a few days “crying.” Hey, fer crissakes, be a man about it Marky Mark. You betray your wife and kids, you stand there and take your medicine without blubbering like a little baby. You didn’t see Eliot Spitzer cry.

Fellow South Carolinian and Bill Clinton impeachment manager Bob Inglis says the whole Sanford thing is an opportunity for Republicans to “lose the stinking rot of self-righteousness” and “to understand we are all in need of some grace.” What, like Sanford is the first self-righteous Republican hypocrite to get caught with his hand in the cookie jar (or his foot on the wrong side of the stall)?

It looks like Rocky the snakehead fish has escaped his death sentence after all. The NYS DEC called their lawyer, who found a loophole in the law that condemned Rocky to death. It seems that if you exhibit the fish for “educational” purposes, you can get a permit (for $500; nothing’s free in NY) to keep them legally. So, Rocky’s owner is applying for a permit, and he’ll have to do some snakehead fish educational stuff a few times a year. Gee, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?

Of course, Wednesday’s big news was the royal treatment Joe Biden gave the NCAA Lacrosse Championship team when they visited the White House. Biden gave the fellas a personal private tour of the White House (including a stroll through the Rose Garden, where President Obama saw them from the Oval Office, interrupted a meeting, and came out and said hello), and hosted a barbecue for them at the VP’s residence.

Beats gettin’ a load of bird shot in the face.

The US continues to win hearts and minds in Pakistan, one funeral at a time. Oh, those pesky drones.

Bad news for you Coast to Coast AM fans: the first guy to ever see the Lizard Man was murdered. This is clearly a government conspiracy, on par with Obama being a Vulcan, chemtrails, and the Twin Towers being wired for demolition by the government. And I just heard a black helicopter fly over (yes, I can tell what color it is just from the sound). Wake up, America!

So, what’s up with this Mark Sanford guy, anyway? Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind if our Governor wandered off without telling anybody (I’m not sure anyone would actually notice, to be honest; the whole NYS legislature can go get lost in the Adirondacks for all I care), but it seems kind of odd. Governor doesn’t seem like one of those jobs where you can just split for a while with no notice. Plus, Republicans being the family values party and all, you’d think his wife would have an idea where he’s at. I mean, it’s just kind of a common courtesy thing, isn’t it? “Oh, by the way honey, I’m gonna split for a week or so, don’t forget to feed the dogs.”

I dunno, I just can’t figure these Republicans out. For people who are so goddamn worried about how the rest of the world behaves, they sure seem to be a little off in the head. Whether it’s cruising for sex in mens’ rooms, going to the Dominican Republic with a suitcase full of Viagara, or using a falafel as a shower mitt, these boys just aint right.

Oh well, running late again today so I guess I better get going….

What with the train crash yesterday, all the shit going on in Iran, the SC governor AWOL, and our Governor grounding all the members of the NY State Senate (they’re not allowed to go out at all – not on weekends, and not even on the Fourth of July – but my guess is the only legislation they’ll pass is a bill to pay State Senators overtime for being called in to special sessions), the big news this morning is that two people I don’t know and really don’t give a crap about who apparently have eight kids and a “reality” teevee show, are separating.

The Supreme Court upheld the Voting Rights Act yesterday. Sort of. They left a way for “good” cities to bail out, assuming they could show no violations in the past decade. Now, far be it for me to accuse SCOTUS of being “activist judges,” but isn’t that kind of legislating from the bench? I mean, I’m not Nina Totenbag, but it seems to me it’s one thing to say a law is or isn’t constitutional (or even strike down a part of it), but didn’t they just rewrite the law? In fact, isn’t it really up to the legislature to decide whether the law is no longer needed and should be repealed?

When I was riding back and forth to work in DC, I used to wonder about what would happen if the train slammed into another train or something. Especially a packed train with standing room only (I know I used to “surf,” and only grab hold of a rail when we were approaching a stop. Even holding on with one hand wouldn’t really do much if you slammed into a stopped train doing 58 MPH.

There are supposed to be switches in place to automatically brake the train if another train is stopped ahead, and there’s an operator that can brake the train manually. Unfortunately there was a failure in both the automatic and human systems yesterday. Since the operator was apparently one of the (so far) nine killed, we may never find out what happened.

I was probably one of her passengers at some point; I’d probably have recognized her voice – they all have unique personalities, and you kind of get to “know” them after a while.

I’d have to guess that the switches and signal lights failed, and by the time she saw the train stopped ahead, it was too late; trains don’t exactly stop on a dime.

Well, time to get ready to get ready.

Running a bit late this morning, since I couldn’t bear to drag my ass out of bed until six o’clock (plus I was pinned down under the covers by a dog who was looking pretty comfortable). That means I only get to watch the lo-cal news through one time, but it doesn’t look like much went on here yesterday anyway. There doesn’t seem to be much going on anywhere, really (except for that impending Iranian revolution thing, but there’s no live teevee of it, so that’s no fun, and if I have to hear a bunch of brainless twits continue to gush over “social networking” web sites much longer, I think I’m gonna puke). As Bill Maher said the the other night, finally, somebody found a use for Twitter.

I don’t know about you all, but I find it harder and harder to work up a good case of righteous indignation these days. I have to admire people who can still get themselves all worked up over shit. Like this person who finds PETA despicable, not because they dissed the President for swatting a fly, but because they’re a “celebrity misogynist cult” whose latest outrage (outrage!) is a new ad featuring Che Guevera’s granddaughter. Much to my surprise, it turns out that “pretty much” any activist group that isn’t specifically feminist is anti-feminist. I guess that gives me an excuse to quit taking care of the Single Payer NY website, since I’d hate to be anti-feminist and it’s a pain in the ass anyway.

The big problem with what (to my tiny little anti-feminist, misogynist brain) appears to be a pretty harmless ad (maybe a little too cutesy, with the carrot bandoleer and all) hoping to “inspire” a vegetarian revolution is that it “…is described titillatingly as “semi-nude” even though she is fully clothed….” Oh well. I guess the fact that she’s fully clothed is a bit of a bummer. Assuming that carrots count as clothes, that is.

My only suggestion for this outraged blogger is to change the default Bluehost favicon. You can have Sammy, if you want. Or just delete it from your root directory. I mean, c’mon. The blue waffle icon pretty much just screams “get back in the kitchen.”

Looks as though I’ve run out the clock here this morning, since Ratface Matt Lauer is on the teevee (he was apparently off last week), and Meredith Viera actually just compared the Jonas Brothers to the “young Beatles.” :barf: Damn, now I’m gonna have to brush my teeth again.

There’s a lot going on in the world right now, and you can always count on the Sunday talking head shows to treat us to the guests most relevant to breaking events.

For instance, on Press the Meat, Gilligan Gregory trots out, um, Grampa Fred Thompson? Really? Was this guy ever relevant? Even when he was a cracker Senator from Tennessee? Plus, another blast from the past, former Senator Sam Nunn. Then there’s “political analysis” from Chuck Todd and Nina Easton. Of course, NBC will also trot out pretty boy reporter Richard Engel (who always seems to have a knack for getting going – the hell out – when the going gets tough, and NBC Tehran Bureau Chief Ali Arouzi. Rounding out the show will be Israeli PM, Benny Netanyahu.

Speaking of irrelevant, Faze the Nation has Grumpy old man John McCain.

Over at Fux News, Weaselface Wallace hosts a fair and balanced show with DINO Evan Bayh, Pete “Hokie” Hoekstra and Karim Sadjadpour, of the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. Then an “exclusive” interview with GOP “rising star” Paul Ryan. I guess it’s not too hard to be a rising star in the party of crazy old white men (ask Sarah Palin). Speaking of crazy old white men, they’ll also have Grampy John McCain.

At the Goebbels network, George Snufalufagus has Chris Dodd and creepy little Lindsey Graham. Plus the Axis of Drivel is reunited as George :jerk: Will, Cokie “the hag” Roberts, and Sam :omg: Donaldson, are joined by former Clinton Labor Secretary Robert Reich and Bill Keller of The New York Times.

For those of you who’re fathers, Happy Father’s Day! For those who have fathers, do something nice for dad today (even if it’s just to call and pretend you haven’t heard that same story a million times before). And for childless orphaned guys like me, well, I guess you’re off the hook. Sunshine Jim, I hope you’re doing OK today, on this first Father’s Day without your dad. Some of these “first” holidays can be tough. My dad’s been gone for almost 15 years now, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him.

Have a good Sunday, y’all. And Happy Summer.