Our streets are filled with classic cars, custom trucks, and hot rods, which can only mean that it’s Syracuse Nationals weekend. Last year they had Shirley Feeney and the Fonz, but this year the mayor of Quahog himself, Adam West, and the original catwoman, Julie Newmar, will be on hand to meet and greet. Appropriately, one of the vehicles in town is the batmobile from the 60’s TV show. Well, I guess it isn’t the original (which is in a museum someplace), but it looks cool anyway. I wonder if either one of these folks ever thought, “some day, I hope my career takes me to a car show in Syracuse to sign autographs”?

Sticking with the car theme for a moment, the Chief of a local volunteer fire department slammed into another car, sending its two occupants to the hospital (the driver of the other car – a teenage girl – had to be airlifted with “critical head injuries”). Police determined the the fire chief dude didn’t notice that the other car had slowed down to turn into a driveway. I mention this only because no tickets were issued, with the police explanation being “…failure to pay attention is not a violation of vehicle and traffic law.” Really?

Somehow, I think if it was the teenage girl who’d slammed into the Fire Chief, they’d have come up with a couple of tickets.

Personally, I think “paying attention” ought to be at the top of the list (and that includes while you’re in motion as well as when you’re sitting at the goddamn red light in front of me – especially that very short left turn arrow on the way to the grocery store; WTF!).

Driving a motor vehicle is not the time to pick your nose, brush your hair, adjust your underwear, futz with your makeup, paw through the glove box, find the “perfect” radio station, read the newspaper, catch up on your goddamn e-mail, or chat on the friggin’ phone. Driving is not “wasted” time when you need to multitask to be more productive. Pay attention, or take the freakin’ bus.

And for chrissakes, if you’re gonna pop it into neutral ‘cuz it’s too much trouble to keep your foot on the clutch, be prepared to put it back into gear in less than five minutes, OK? First gear is in the same place it’s always been; you shouldn’t need to look to find it. Practice blindfolded in your driveway, if necessary.

The Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, was in our neck of the woods yesterday, visiting the troops of the 10th Mountain Division (those who aren’t currently deployed, anyway) up at Fort Drum in Watertown. He had cheerful news: he may send more troops to Afghanistan this year than he expected. The 10th Mountain has had more troops killed in the past month in Obama’s war in Afghanistan than they did in their previous Bush-era deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan combined.

“The Express” has taken the ESPY for best sports movie, beating out “The Wrestler” and “Sugar.” You haven’t seen it yet? Shame on you. Sadly, the 6 OT SU-UCONN basketball game lost out to some football game between Pittsburgh and Arizona. In other ESPY news, Michael Phelps won out over Tiger Woods as best male athlete. I think the voters might have been stoned.

In addition to the Breaking News of Michael Jackson’s hair getting set on fire 25 years ago, the Today Show is touting a story about a dachshund named Smoky who was impaled (through the head) with a barbecue fork. I don’t know what the “official” story is on this, but here’s some free advice: when dad’s grilling out in the back yard with a fork in one hand and a cold frosty in the other, keep the frickin’ hotdog and/or sausage-shaped critters locked in the house.

Speaking of the Today Show, Erin Burnett is on again with Matt Lauer, filling in for Meredith Viera, who is “on assignment.” Watch out, Meredith. Erin is young and shiny and new (and looks pretty good in HD), while you’re, well, not. And we all know what happened to Sue Ellicott when she went on to do “field reports” for Morning Sedition (and now she doesn’t even seem to be on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me anymore; no doubt she’ll be signing autographs in Syracuse soon).

Heh, that could became a new euphemism, like “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”

His career was going along great until he got caught on video screaming out the ‘N’ word. Now he’s “signing autographs in Syracuse,” if you know what I mean.

Well, time to get ready for work. Have a good (and fast) Friday.