In New York (and probably every other state), the native populations were forced onto tiny slivers of their own land. On the bright side, these lands are considered sovereign nations (and, as we all know from George W. Bush, sovereign means they have sovereignty). Among other things, these nations aren’t required to collect the $2.75 per pack NY State cigarette tax. Well, except for a law that was passed quite a while ago that said non-Native people were required to pay the tax, but nobody’s really ever tried to collect it. Except for George Pataki, that is. He tried in 1997, which led to protesters shutting down the New York State Thruway, setting fires, and duking it out with State Troopers. Pataki then retaliated by blockading the reservations, but he eventually caved in, and that was that. Since then NY’s tribes have sold something like 300 million packs a year, and are now getting into the manufacturing process. Times being what they are, with NY trying to close a huge budget gap, Governor Blinky is once again looking at trying to get his hands on all those potential tax dollars (which would be over $800 million a year, which aint chump change).

The Governor has sent a letter to US Attorneys, asking them to assess the potential for “violence and civil unrest” if NY once again tries to collect tax revenue. I reckon there’s quite a bit of potential there, personally. Or, as Richard Nephew, chairman of the governing council of the Seneca Nation – NY’s biggest tribal seller of cigarettes – puts it:

“We see the letter as nothing more than the Governor doing his job to assess the historic consequences of what happens when the state tries to violate our treaty rights.”

Indeed.

Looks like Nancy Pelosi will soon announce the House version of Health Care reform – including a “public option” tied to medicare rates + 5%. A preliminary CBO report says the plan is revenue neutral, will cover 96% or Americans, and will require $900 billion of new spending over ten years. If you’re keeping score, that’s only slightly more than Max Baucus’ bill w/o a public option that will cover less people. Hopefully this will meet with President Snowe’s approval.

Oh well, time to get it on.

Locally, some people seem to be in a snit over boobs. There’s a local bottle return center that’s raising money in support of the Carol M. Baldwin Breast Cancer Research Fund of CNY (that’s Alec’s mom, BTW), which put up signs reading, “Bottles for Boobs.” The professionally offended are outraged – outraged, I say – at such language. I’m not really sure why, though when I first read the sign, I thought there was some sort of trading thing going on (which didn’t seem like much of a deal to me; if it was the other way around, maybe). But, whatever. It’s in one of our more affluent suburbs, whose residents are apparently too high class and humorless for such crude language. Maybe for Christmas they can have “Toys for….” Well, never mind.

Speaking of boobs, the Miss California Pageant wants theirs back. Well, maybe not the boobs themselves, but they’re suing (counter suing, actually) Carrrie Prejean (aren’t her 15 minutes up yet?), demanding that she give back the $5,200 they shelled out for her boob job. Personally, I think they ought to just demand the implants back. Perhaps they can pass them along to their next pageant winner. You know, instead of a crown. That way, they can ensure that California is always represented by a nice pair. :boobs:

Speaking of a nice pair, today’s “Two for Tuesday” Woot is a pair of talking smoke detectors. They not only speak to you (I wonder if you can record a personal greeting? “Get your ass outta bed! The f*cking house is on fire!“), but they talk to each other. So, if one goes off, they all (up to 18) go off, and supposedly tell you where the fire’s at. Pretty nifty, though, to me, not worth the $45, even if they do come with an instructional DVD (really? There are really people that need a DVD to figure out smoke detectors? How do they figure out the DVD player). That reminds me, I really ought to check the batteries in our smoke detectors. I’d have to find them, though. We took ’em down to paint a few years ago, and that’s the last I remember seeing them.

The “first pair” – Barack and Michelle Obama – head to Wall Street today, trying to get some of our bailout money back. No, not in the form of home mortgages for working people or loans to small businesses. In the form of a $30,000 per couple fundraiser for Democrats. Oh, only about half a dozen of the attendees are from the big bailout bucks winners, so I reckon it’s all OK. But it gave Newt Gingrich a chance to tell Matt Lauer that the Obama Administration is a bunch of hypocrites, creating unaccountable “Czars” and whatnot, and that the Democrats are making bipartisanship “impossible.”

What a boob.

So, by now, everybody’s heard the shocking and surprising news that the balloon boy thing appears to have been a hoax. And oh, the outrage. From the media at least, which once again got punked by turning what might have made for a cutesy fluff piece at the end of a nightly news piece into the focus of national (nay, global) attention. It was the story of a quirky family epitomizing the ideals of American ingenuity and adventurism. At first, anyway. Then it became the story of a shallow and gullible media feeding the egos of a publicity-seeking family of media whores (which are the 21st Century American ideals). As usual, I’m pretty sure most of us were way ahead of the media on this one. Not that it seemed unlikely that a big Jiffy Pop thing (oh, excuse me, an experimental aircraft) made from tinfoil covered tarps could lift up a kid and whisk him away across the sky or anything. I’m just surprised Dad didn’t stuff Junior in a box and throw him off the roof or something. Oh well, much like the Octomom, I’m sure this “story” will be the big news for weeks (maybe months) to come. In other words, balloon boy’s parents will get exactly what they wanted. And if this doesn’t become an episode of South Park some day, I’ll be shocked.

Afhan President Hamid Karzai appears to be ready to say “screw you” to the country’s election recount, hinting that he may not accept the results as his supporters began demonstrations against “foreign interference” in the elections. This might actually provide Barack Obama with a good excuse to get us the hell out of there, though I still get the feeling that he’ll wind up sending another 50,000 or so troops in. After all, it’s one of the few things he can get the Republicans on board with (which really ought to give him a clue as to whether it’s a good idea or not). I just wonder if anybody will insist that escalating the war in Afghanistan needs to be “revenue neutral.”

Speaking of revenue neutral, I’m trying to figure out what to cut out of my budget to pay for my WTF monthly subscription. I guess it should be easy to find $10 a month somewhere, but I need all those premium teevee channels, and the price of beer continues to skyrocket.

Turns out that, injunctions on mandatory flu vaccinations aside, due to the supposed vaccine shortages, I’ve been excluded from the list of those who are “allowed” to get the shots where I work. If I get the flu, I will, of course, sue.

Oh well, I suppose I ought to get going. It’s another scrape the windshield kinda morning, and I wouldn’t wanna be late.

On Press the Meat today, Gilligan Gregory and the gang talk health care, Wall Street, and women. On to throw out a few trial balloons sure to enrage liberals will be Senior White House Adviser Valerie Jarrett. Then it’s Countrywide Financial “VIP” Chris Dodd, and Arizona’s Jon “screw you” Kyl. Then the show will kick of NBC’s week-long series about women in America with a second segment including Valerie Jarrett, who chairs the White House Council on Women and Girls, Mrs Arnold, Maria Shriver, and former Clinton White House Chief of Staff and President of the Center for American Progress, John Podesta (who is not, actually, a woman).‬

Over at CBS, Faze the Nation has John Kerry, who says no new troops for Afghanistan until this whole election thing gets straightened out.

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace has DINO Kent Conrad, democrat if it’ll get him re-elected Arlen Specter, and John Thune, Chairman of the Republican Policy Committee Then, the White House called Fux News “a wing of the Republican Part,” so Fux has Karl Rove on to tell us how it aint so. Plus everybody’s least favorite Syracusan, Terry McAuliffe.

This Weak on the Goebbels network, George Snufalufagus has Ollie Hardy lookalike David Axelrod, plus a roundtable with George :jerk: Will, Piggy Peggy Noonan, EJ Dionne, Paul Krugman and Jake “the mens room” Tapper.

At CNN, Fareed Zakaria has a discussion with a panel of international economists, plus a conversation with Somanahalli Mallaiah Krishna, the Indian foreign minister, on what he thinks of the whole Pakistan/Afghanistan thing.

Of course, all of that pales in comparison to what’s really important tonight: the Simpson’s Treehouse of Horror XX. No, not double X rated, but can you believe it’s been twenty years now? That means that there are sophomores in college that have never lived a world without the Simpsons. Damn.

Have a good one.

The 49ers and The Orange are both off this weekend so I’ve got time on my hands and pj’s got nothing to talk about.

It was 20 years ago today at 5:04 PM that the Bay Area experienced the Loma Prieta Earthquake. It was one of those moments you never forget and you remember exactly where you were. I was fortunate enough to be at the third game of the MLB World Series between the San Francisco Giants and our neighbors across the Bay, the Oakland Athletics. We were sitting 8th row behind the plate in the upper deck of Candlestick Park. My friend and I were in front of the spillover seats from the 49ers owners DeBartolo family luxury box, sitting next to a Chronicle reporter and National League umpire Ed Montague and his son. We thought we must be in paradise. Another friend had been shooting photos all season for the Giants yearbook and was good for some great seats for all of the post-season. The Giants were down to the A’s 2 games to zip but everyone was hopeful that this game would be the turning point.

We arrived early to take it all in so we had already been in the park for several hours and had a few beverages even though we skipped tailgating so we wouldn’t miss anything inside. It was finally getting close to game time and the pregame ceremonies were shaping up for the TV broadcast on ABC which went on the air at 5. An air of excitement was beginning to rise in the finally almost full stadium. Things were really getting ready to happen. Since people had some portable TVs you could see the intro and then this.

There was a big bump kind of like a punch and then the whole place began to undulate more than shake. You could see and feel a big rolling coming through and you could hear a rumble. My friend John started to panic and headed for the aisle with an “I’m outta here” but I grabbed him and just said that at least we were on the top of everything so he stayed. I fixed my sights on what was behind and above us fearing a panic stampede but people mostly stayed put with bewildered expressions. Everyone knew what was happening, no one could quite believe it. I then started to watch the press box with its windows rippling in the afternoon sun. After the longest 15 seconds in my life it stopped and there was a long, quiet gasp. Then the entire stadium erupted in a long and loud cheer. It was a Giants omen. We’re still standing, let’s play ball. We stood in the stands like everything was fine and surely the festivities would resume shortly. However, it wasn’t long before the power failed. All of the television and radio stations were down and eventually one or two came back on the air and rumours began to circulate. Fires, freeway collapses, a bridge collapse but for a while we still thought the game must go on. All of the players and management and press were out on the field looking at the stands. Some of the players had brought their families and guests out of the stands and all of them had the same stunned looks as the rest of us as they milled around on the diamond. A few police cruisers pulled out on the field as some distant smoke rose high enough to be visible above the rim of the stadium. That was when everyone understood this was something completely different.

After a while, there was an announcement from the police loudspeakers that everyone should leave the stadium in an orderly fashion and about 50,000 people began to walk out solemnly. Leaving the stadium we could already see the evidence of the enormity of the day and the surreality to come as we went on our ways to find our families and friends and how everyone had fared.

Candlestick Park stood strong and many give credit to 49er fan, ex-mayor and the Dino everyone loves to hate, Dianne Feinstein who as mayor saw through a retrofit of the stadium that made damage minimal. Two weeks later we were out there again for the rest of the Series but it really did not matter much at that point (at least that’s what we said after the Giants were swept).

There was a lot of damage but it could have been much worse. A section of the upper deck of the Bay Bridge that had given the Series it’s nickname had collapsed and there was one fatality. A 1.25 mile section of the upper deck of two level Nimitz freeway fell on the bottom and 42 lives were lost. Had it not been the Bay Bridge Series at that particular rush hour time there would have been bumper to bumper traffic on both and unbelievable death. I am not sure how Falwell and Robertson have explained this ‘miracle’.

I won’t go on and on about what happened after that but I sure will be reliving it today.

Funny that while I was working on this post, I found this item which I swear I did not plagiarize.

There was some sort of kerfuffle out there in Colorado yesterday. I’m not real sure of the details, but it sounds like Cartman wanted to take Kyle’s father’s flying saucer balloon out to LA to see the premiere of the Michael Jackson concert movie, but he he was too fat, and it wouldn’t take off. So then he put Kyle’s brother Ike in it, and the balloon got loose and flew away. Kyle freaked out and called the cops, but it turned out that Ike had fallen out of the basket, so Cartman stuck him in a box and hid him in the attic. Or something like that. Oh, and then they killed Kenny. Whatever it was, it was a pretty big deal on CNN, that’s for sure (knocked Rush Limbaugh right out of the headlines).

Arianna Huffington went to the Mr Ed Show last night, and complained about all the attention the media was giving the balloon boy story. I think if Arianna wants to make a big statement, she ought to resign instead. Resign from what, I’m not sure, but going on the media to complain about the coverage of a bullshit story (essentially adding to the coverage of the bullshit story) doesn’t seem right. Maybe she and Joe Biden can go on tour or something.

Could it be that Harry Reid is a stealth progressive after all? According to some, he’s working behind the scenes to ensure a strong public option in Senate version of health care reform.

“Reid and/or his staff has been in practically hourly conversations with a whole set of progressive players re how best to make sure we position ourselves to get a strong public option coming out of conference committee,” said one progressive strategist, who asked not to be named. “He hasn’t made any final procedural decisions yet RE how to get that done, but he’s having really honest conversations [about] all his major options, pros and cons of each, etc. I’m actually pretty impressed, at least right now.”

Pardon me for being a little dubious, but, well, let’s just say I’ll believe it when I see it. More likely it’s a way for Harry to up campaign contributions from the insurance industry.

Well, time to get this week over with. A bit cold and frosty around here these past few days (even had some snow last night), so I need to get going a little early. Gotta scrape the frost off my UFO balloon.

Poor Rush Limbaugh. He’s got fame, fortune, and all the teenage Dominican prostitutes his Viagra prescription can handle, but they won’t let him have a piece of an NFL team – not even a crappy one. According to ESPN, the group putting together a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams says that “Limbaugh’s participation had become a complication in the group’s efforts and the bid will move forward without him.” Too bad; the Rams could’ve picked up Michael Vick next season, and been the class of the NFL. Of course, it’s the Rams cheerleaders I feel sorry for in all this. They’ll never get to experience the manly, musky smell of Rush and his big cigar.

I’ve read this story a couple of times now, but am still having a tough time wrapping my head around exactly what these idiot Republicans think is going on. Apparently, they’re accusing the Council on American Islamic Relations of trying to infiltrate the government with Muslim Manchurian interns or something. They base this on a book published by the maverick journalists at World Net Daily (not quite as prestigious as NewsMax, but they’re still doing the big work), that had white kids grow beards and “infiltrate” the Council, and then steal documents, which they claim prove that the Council is “connected to or supports terrorists [and] is running influence operations or planting spies in key national security-related offices.” As proof, they offered up a pretty standard PR and lobbying strategy document.

The Senate Majority Leader is mighty ticked off by Chuck Schumer’s assertion that the Majority Leader would have to be the one to, um, lead on health care reform and a “public option.” This chump really needs to be put out to pasture.

Joe Biden has been the most skeptical of the plan to escalate the war (or whatever the hell it is we’re doing over there) in Afghanistan by sending 40,000 more troops. For this, Arianna Huffington says he ought to resign. No, not for being an un-American traitor, but to make a stand, the way people like Colin Powell should have done before we invaded Iraq. I suppose I get her point, but I don’t think it would do much good (for one thing, Biden doesn’t seem to get much respect from anybody). It’d be better if Obama would just pick up a couple history books and decide that maybe it’d be better to declare victory and get the hell out. I mean, nothing good ever – ever – comes out of trying to occupy Afghanistan.

Oh well, the Dow’s over 10,000, so everything’s going just great again. I know my life is magically better. Michael Moore is coming up on the Today Show to talk about it. He’s no Rush Limbaugh, but I wish I could stick around to watch.

But, it’s off to work I must go.

First, it was the killer bees. Angry African devils (the Acorn and Obama of the early 90’s) stowing away on banana boats to South America, then making their way north, preparing to wipe out life as we know it here in the USA. Then came al Qaeda, who hated us for our freedom and would soon destroy our way of life unless we destroyed it first. Next, Saddam Hussein was poised to send unmanned drones packed with nuculur bombs the 10,000 or so miles from Baghdad to turn our smoking guns into mushroom clouds (or something). Next, Swine Flu would carve a swath of destruction across the United States, leaving nothing but dead, snotty bodies in its wake. And now, in what could be the final sign of the apocalypse, it’s the attack of the giant snakes. That’s right, it appears the motherf*ckin’ snakes have gotten off the motherf*ckin’ plane, and they’re coming for you, America.

U.S. Geological Survey’s biologists have just published a report detailing the ecological risks of nine species of giant non-native boas, anacondas and pythons in the United States. Already Burmese pythons are reproducing in the wilds and no-so-wilds of South Florida, with an estimated population now in the tens of thousands. But things could get a lot worse. There’s even this tidbit about threats to humans in the press release:

“Based on the biology and known natural history of the giant constrictors, individuals of some species may also pose a…risk to people….

The situation is so dire in the state that Florida Representative Robert Wexler is expected to resign from Congress today, in order to get the hell out.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking, “hell, it’s only Florida; big deal” (just kidding, Kev). But that’s just where it starts. Soon giant snakes will be slithering their way north and west, wiggling their way up sewer pipes and into your toilet, ready to strike when you get up to pee in the dark in the middle of the night.

I blame it on the gays, of course. And the fornicators, too.

But mostly the gays.

Looks like the Peace President quietly shipped an additional 13,000 moms, dads, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, daughters and sons off to Afghanistan while nobody was looking. Not to worry, though – they’re only support troops, not combat troops. I suppose I ought to just change out of my pajamas and STFU anyway, ‘cuz I need to realize what a tough job it is running the country (gee, where have I heard that before?). Of course, I either wear shorts and a t-shirt or (this time of year) sweats, not pajamas, but I reckon it’s the same thing. Yep, the words of some anonymous coward in the Obama Administration certainly seems to have pissed off “bloggers” everywhere. Not that I really care if a bunch of sanctimonious bloggers got their jammies in a twist, but it wasn’t really bloggers that the White House thinks are a bunch of uninformed adolescent crybabies. Mr. Anonymous was talking about any of us who have ever expressed disappointment with Obama. Thanks for getting me elected everybody, now shut up (but keep those campaign contributions coming).

Oh, I know. It wasn’t Obama dissing us. No, he left that to some anonymous “source” while he was off trying to pacify “the gays,” promising to end “Dont’ Ask, Don’t Tell” (and this time, he really, really means it). But, sorry, it’s still on you, Barry. It reminds me of an Arlo Guthrie song, Presidential Rag.

If you didn’t know about that one, then what else don’t you know?
Nobody elected your family,
and we didn’t elect your friends,
no one voted for your advisors…
You’re the one we voted for, so you must take the blame….

In other news, Magic Johnson has endorsed Arlen Specter. Um, that’s nice, I guess, but so what? Does Magic have any connection to Pennsylvania? I mean, he was born and went to school in Michigan and played pro basketball in LA (and still lives out there, as far as I can tell – at least, he popped up in commercials I saw last week). Oh well, Arlen has to take what he can get, I guess. Plus, Magic is black, and they’re all the rage in politics these days.

It appears than Joe Lieberman, however, has lost the all-important Ninja vote.

A man seen dressed as a ninja on the side of the road in Vernon, Conn., swinging nunchucks and yelling about wanting to beat up Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), was arrested Saturday and released to a local hospital for psychiatric evaluation.

According to the Hartford Courant, 30-year-old Garland Eastman became calm and cooperative once police pulled out their tasers and bean bags

I thought it was illegal to pull out your bean bags in Connecticut (in public, anyway).

Speaking of pulling out your bean bags, the winner of the Ultimate Poll Dance Competition has been announced. Oh, the judges had a hard decision to make, alright, but congratulations to Barbara Dial for coming out on top. To paraphrase renowned author Bill O’Reilly, “hey, Barbie, get off that poll, and get….” Oh, never mind.

Back to work today. That sucks. Plus, I have to attend a “lunch and learn” (‘cuz it’s my group doing it, though the extent of my participation will be to try and sit still through it). And they don’t even provide lunch (which is why I’ve never gone to the other groups’ dog and pony shows). That’s no way to encourage participation. It’s like a union event without donuts.

Please, oh Mega Millions gods, let me be tonight’s $170 million winner.

They teach you a lot of bullshit in school (or at least when I was going to school back in the olden days, they did). For instance, it was gospel that Abe Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address on the back of an envelope on the train ride there. Of course, that was bullshit, and while Lincoln probably revised the speech on his way to Gettysburg (I mean, it’s not like he had an iPod, so what else did he have to do), he’d actually written two drafts of it beforehand, and even changed it up on the fly while he was giving it. Another lie was the whole George Washington and the “Cherry Tree” thing, where we were told young George chopped down the tree and was so gosh darn honest, he couldn’t tell a lie. Not only is the cherry tree story bullshit (a product of Mason Locke Weems’ – author of “The Life of George Washington, with Curious Anecdotes Laudable to Himself and Exemplary to his Countrymen” – imagination), but Washington was just as big a liar as any modern day politician (he lied to the Continental Congress about the conditions at Valley Forge, for instance, in order to get more money out of them, he and Ben Franklin passed off a common Prussian soldier named Von Steuben as a Baron and high-ranking military expert, he most likely knocked up one of his slaves – Venus – reneged on treaties, and ordered the eradication of Haudenosaunee men, women, children, and their villages – earning him the name Hanadagywus: Town Destroyer). To paraphrase Al Smith and Luther Dixon, George Washington wasn’t so big – he was tall, that’s just about all. Of course, the big lie we celebrate today is that of Christopher Columbus.

I was taught in school that, back in the late 1400s, everybody thought the world was flat, and if you sailed far enough away, you’d fall off the edge. Only Christopher Columbus was visionary enough to know that the world was round, and nobody would fund the poor guy’s expedition to prove it, but (being a brave visionary and all) Columbus persevered, and finally scraped up enough money for three ships filled with the only people willing to sail off the end of the Earth – prisoners.

That this load of crap was taken from a work of fiction by Washington Irving wasn’t enough to keep them from teaching it as “fact” in schools. Turns out, Pythagoras had pretty much figured out the shape of the Earth with his “Orb Theory” about 2,000 years earlier. In fact, navigation techniques back in Columbus’ time depended on the Earth being round. Columbus’ difficulty in getting money stemmed from the fact that he was a piece of shit liar, and not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. His calculation of the size of the Earth was off by about 75%, and everybody knew it.

If Columbus’ ships had been filled with prisoners (which they actually weren’t; they were filled with experienced sailors), it would most likely have been because criminals were Chris’ kinds of people. After arriving in the “new world,” and being greeted with kindness and hospitality, Columbus and his pals sailed from island to island, taking slaves, raping the women, and killing the men (and the women; hell, they probably raped the men, too). The big problem seemed to be that these damn savages were holding out on the gold. Well, that, and this was apparently Columbus’ way of spreading Christianity (being the equivalent of that time’s rapture righty and a good Catholic, Columbus believed that the only way to bring about the Apocalypse was to bring Christianity to all the heathens).

They never mentioned all the raping, pillaging, killing, and slavery in school, of course (the truth being a bit unseemly for kids, I guess). And they never explained how somebody could “discover” a place that already had people living in it (not to mention that the Vikings were already here some 500 years before Columbus). No, they just told us what a brave and virtuous man Christopher Columbus was, and that we should be grateful to him for opening the door for Europeans to come on over, and we learned a line from a really crappy poem by Winifred Sackville Stoner Jr about 1492 and the ocean blue and whatnot.

But, hey, who am I to turn down a day off?