This will shock you, I know, but the TSA has been lying to us. They said that those nifty virtual strip search scanners couldn’t do anything more than give TSA security guards (like the one who wasn’t watching the exit when the dude slipped under the exit rope and got the Newark airport locked down – two hours later) a quick peak under your knickers. Well, turns out they actually have the ability to store and transmit the images. :tinfoil: Forget the tin foil hat, frequent fliers. It’s time to start wearing the tin foil underwear, unless you want to become the object of young (and weird) lust on some security scanner porn site.

Speaking of porn, forget Avatar and its “White Messiah” complex, the real future of 3D is in dirty movies, as attendees of the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas (gee, and all I got to go to was the stupid Adobe Max conference) found out. The company, “Bad Girls In 3D” unveiled an online library of 3D porn and a “turnkey digital 3-D viewing system.”

Adult expo attendees wearing “active shutter glasses” grinned as they immersed themselves in a Bad Girls video displayed in 3-D on a giant high-definition television.

Oh, I bet they did.

The system will set you back about $4,000 and $20 a month for the subscription, which is a lot cheaper than getting married, and, unlike your significant other, comes with a warranty.

If you’re looking for a 3D companion that’s a little less virtual, then Roxxy is for you. Roxxxy – a life-size rubber doll – is being marketed as the world’s first sex robot. Hmmm. So far, so good. But the devil’s in the details. Roxxxy is designed to engage her, um, owner, in conversation, rather than lifelike movement.

…it can’t move on its own, not even to turn its head or move its lips.

Roxxxy comes with a laptop, to which she’s attached via cables. She also has sensors in various “locations” that react to being touched, and will cost around $9,000 (including the laptop).

I’m tempted to draw certain comparisons to somebody else I know that spends a lot of time attached to a laptop and not moving, but I’m afraid that would get me smacked (besides, she buys me beer; find me a robot that’ll do that, and then I’ll be impressed).

Douglas Hines, founder of Lincoln Park, N.J.-based True Companion LLC, said Roxxxy can carry on simple conversations. The real aim, he said, is to make the doll someone the owner can talk to and relate to.

“Sex only goes so far – then you want to be able to talk to the person,” Hines said.

Yeah, Doug, the pathetic guy who pays $9,000 for a life-sized rubber sex doll is really just looking for somebody to talk to. I think Mr. Hines must have seen “Lars and the Real Girl.”

I can talk to the dogs for free, so until you get Roxxxy to move her lips, so to speak (or at least install a heater), I think I’ll go for the 3D porn on the giant screen at less than half the price. More bang for the buck, you might say, and then I can play XBox on it.

Finally, I got an e-mail from Brian (in Everett), who wants to know if anybody in the Seattle area is going to see Maron at Laugh’s Comedy Spot in Kirland on Thursday, and would like to give him a ride back to Everett. So, if you plan on attending and want to hook up (so to speak), send me an e-mail, and I’ll pass Brian’s e-mail address along to you. And then you have to promise to take pictures, of course.