Did you know that if you fool around on your wife – lots and lots and lots of times – both President Obama and former President Clinton will call and offer words of encouragement? Granted, they’re probably encouraging you in somewhat different ways, but still. I could’ve used a little encouragement while I was struggling to get the driveway shoveled in time to get to work yesterday. Actually, screw the encouragement. I have a couple extra shovels – I could’ve used some goddamn help. Fortunately it’s not too late – seems to be snowing again. Hell, I’ll even sit down and have a couple cold ones with ya (none of that Bud Light swill, either), and if you want, you can hang out and watch the game with me tonight. I’ll do up some wings and everything. I bet you wouldn’t get wings from Tiger.

Unless maybe you think you guys could score us some tickets, that is. They’re a little tough to come by for this one, but I bet either one of you could get us something courtside. We can stop in at Hungry Chuck’s for a couple pitchers and I’ll spring for some slices (hell, a whole pie, even) at the Varsity before we head in. And maybe a couple more pitchers.

But I guess I’m not good enough for the Presidential treatment. I’ll have to settle for watching the game with David Paterson who I am officially extending the olive branch to, now that he’s dropped out of the governor’s race. I figure you probably don’t have the juice to score tickets these days (and you’d probably get booed like a black guy at a hockey game anyway), so come on over, Dave. I’ll let you wear my Ernie Davis replica jersey (as far as you know) and everything. You can even bring your wife, if you want. No swinging, though. We don’t play that up here in real America.

Speaking of hockey and swingers, how ’bout that Canadian Women’s hockey team? After winning an Olympic gold medal, they came back out and had celebration pictures taken with cigars and beer.

Cigars and beer! :omg:

And at least one of these women was only 18 years old! Damn socialist Canadians. See, it starts with universal health care, and before you know it, your hockey babes are swilling booze and doing unspeakable (Clintonesque, even) things with cigars. Such an outrage!

WTF is wrong with people? These are my kinda chicks. Do people really have nothing better to worry about? Oh well, I guess it could be worse. Don Imus could have called them nappy-headed hosers, eh?

Speaking of hosers and booze, former NY Republican congresscritter (not to mention Jack Abramoff crony and wife beater) John Sweeney will be spending 30 days in the slammer for drunk driving. Poor Johnny. Just a word of advice: if you’re gonna drive drunk, don’t do 59 in a 40 mph zone. Better yet, just head over the frat house, and get stoned with the bro’s.

Oh well, I guess I better get out there and shovel the driveway (again). Wouldn’t wanna miss ESPN College Game Day at 11:00.