A series of godless tornadoes attacked Arkansas yesterday, sending razorbacks flying, and knocking out the electricity in three counties. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Arkansas has electricity?” But, yes, it appears they do. I believe it was originally installed by godless socialist Franklin Delano Roosevelt in 1936, as part of his commie Rural Electrification Administration. A typical liberal socialist redistribution of wealth, if you ask me.

Speaking of pigs, a new study (in Australia; thank goodness this isn’t one we had to pay for) finds that there’s a sixth taste. Or at least that some people can discern the taste of “fat.” Apparently it isn’t a good taste, though, ‘cuz people who are sensitive to it tend to eat less of it. I bet they don’t get out to Burger King much.

Bill Gates is no longer the world’s wealthiest dude. That distinction now belongs to Mexican native Carlos Slim Helu. Great, now we’re even outsourcing out billionaire jobs to Mexico.

There’s been a little too much man-on-man grabass in the news lately (and, for the record, I disapprove of this willy-nilly groping – not to mention willy groping – of other people’s parts, without at least a tacit agreement between the parties involved; it also seems to show that, even though, during his Naval service – which brings a rather disturbing image to mind – nobody may have asked Eric Massa, I think they could kinda tell). So, I thought I’d try and balance it out with a story from – not surprisingly – Florida.

Now, as I understand it, a woman who only a day earlier had been convicted of DUI and driving on a suspended license was driving her Chevy pickup truck on her way to visit her boyfriend. Understandably, she wanted to look her best for her boyfriend, so she asked her passenger – who happened to be her ex-husband, Charles – to take the wheel while she shaved her hoo-hoo. You wouldn’t think this would be a problem, but apparently she slammed into the back of a 1995 Thunderbird that had slowed down to take a left. I guess Chuck wasn’t keeping his eyes on the road.

So, anyway, to talking on your cell phone and texting, add shaving your naughty bits to the list of things you shouldn’t do while driving. I mean, would it set your schedule back that much to pull over and take care of business? ‘Cuz if you’ve got that much to take care of, you really need to set up a personal grooming schedule (though I have to confess, I really don’t get the obsession with shaving that there stuff; it’s kind of nature’s fig leaf – though I suppose fig leaves are nature’s fig leaf).

Oh well, I guess it’s about that time.