Apparently there’s a new thing that’s all the rage amongst the young people called “vodka eyeballing.” Basically, you pour vodka into your eye to get drunk faster. Odd, because I was always able to get plenty drunk, plenty quick by drinking vodka the old fashioned way. The thought of pouring the equivalent of rubbing alcohol into my eye is really rather unappealing. In fact, I’d have to be pretty drunk to stick a bottle in my eye, which begs a chicken-and-egg type question. Do you stick vodka in your eye to get drunk, or do you have to be drunk to stick vodka in your eye? Today’s youth: geniuses.

Speaking of young geniuses, the NY Post ran a story on one from Long Island who came up with an idea to stop the BP oil leak. Her plan is to shove a bunch of deflated tires into the hole, and then inflate them, thereby stopping the leak. Voila. Genius!

Now, I’ve never claimed to be a genius, but, as we mentioned yesterday, the pressure of the water down a mile or so is over 2,000 psi. Seems like a bit much to expect your basic set of all-season radials to be able to hold that kind of pressure, doesn’t it? I mean, I think the depth record for a submarine (with, like, air and people in it, as opposed to a submersible) is like 4,000 feet. And they’re made out of something a little more substantial than rubber.

But, as I said, I’m no genius (one might wonder whether there are lower standards for the “genius” classification on Long Island), so what do I know?

I guess I’ll go for the “Nuclear Option” where they set off a nuke down there to stop the leak. Not only would the leak (maybe) stop, but the resultant radiation might help to create a new super race of Gulf residents that can breathe underwater, and live off a combination of oil and seawater – think of it; in a generation or two, New Orleans will be filled with a species that can thrive in any hurricane and clean up oil spills, all while playing Jazz. It’s a win-win.

Oh well, time to make the donuts.