I don’t know if it’s a guy thing or not, but I’ve never given a crap about weddings. I didn’t care when Luci Bird married whoever the hell it was she married, or when Tricia married that Cox guy, or when Diana married Prince Jughead or even when Jen married Brad. If I hear that somebody I actually know is getting married (though, at this phase of my life, people I know are a lot more likely to die than get married), my first thought is usually, “oh Christ, I hope they don’t invite me” (my second thought, of course, is “I hope they have an open bar at the reception”). So it should come as no surprise that I really don’t give a flying frack about Chelsea Clinton getting married today.

I don’t care where it’s gonna be, or how much it’s gonna cost, or who’ll be attending. I don’t need to see “live shots” of “downtown” Rhinebeck or footage from helicopters flying over the site.

Now, don’t get me wrong, by all accounts she turned out to be a very good, smart person in spite of her rather odd family and childhood and being publicly called names by ignorant, venomous blowhards like Rush Limbaugh. So good for her and all, but geez, to waste all this time and money reporting on her “secret” wedding in Rhinebeck today is just plain nuts. Can’t they just leave this kid alone?

No, I guess not.

Is “busted” now an acceptable news term? As in “BP’s busted well in the Gulf.” ‘Cuz I’ve heard them refer to it that way several times now, and it just sounds odd (and if you do a google search for ‘busted well’ you’ll get a plethora of hits from all sorts of news sources). I mean, I never heard them say that “the driver of the Toyota Prius lost control of the vehicle when his accelerator busted” or “building has begun on a memorial at the site of the busted World Trade Center” or “New Orleans flooded when the levees busted.”

Just don’t seem like high-class English to me.

45 years ago today, LBJ signed the Social Security Act of 1965 into law, creating Single Payer health care for the 65 and over crowd. At the bill-signing ceremony, Johnson enrolled Harry S. Truman as the first Medicare beneficiary (Bess was second), and presented him with the first ever Medicare card. Among other things, this means that I’m older than Medicare, which is a somewhat somber realization. Even more somber (downright depressing, even), is the fact that, in four and a half decades, we never bothered to extend Medicare to everybody as a “perk” of being an American. Because trying to ensure the health of our citizens is decidedly un-American, I guess (very European, though, like legislated vacation and subsidized child care. Friggin’ commies). Much like unemployment benefits only encourage people to be drug-ingesting coach potatoes, health care benefits only encourage people to be slackers. Or something. I dunno. All I know is we’ll never get Single Payer in my lifetime, because, as Illinois Senator Barack Obama once said, “first we have to take back the White House, we have to take back the Senate, and we have to take back the House.” And that aint gonna happen, ‘cuz “we” won’t ever get the Republicans and Democrats out of the government. But, hey, Happy Birthday to Medicare anyway!

A bit of a surprise in the vote for the new troop surge in Afghanistan (or to Afghanistan, I guess), as my congresscritter, who – though I knew he was no Dennis Kucinich, and although he is better than the Republican turd he replaced – has been a disappointment thus far, voted against the $33 billion in new war funding. So, good for you, Dan. But your stance on Net Neutrality and your failure to push for Single Payer still sucks, so no more money from me.

Uran Outfitters is opening a store here. This is apparently a big deal (to be honest, when any business moves into the area instead of out of it these days, it’s good news), as they only build a few stores every year. I’m not really familiar with them, but taking a quick look at their website (which is pretty ugly, IMHO), it doesn’t seem to be my kinda place. For one thing, the “mens” section has categories called “tops” and “bottoms” (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and most of their merchandise looks, well, crappy. To me. It’s no doubt very hip and appealing to the younger folks. As for me, I seem to be spending my money on tools these days (if you’re wondering what to get me for Christmas, the DeWalt 12″ dual bevel sliding compound miter saw would be a nice choice to complement my 10″ Makita miter saw and my DeWalt 12″ single bevel miter saw, though I’ll also be needing a stand for it, which would be a good second choice).

I had some pretty f*cked-up dreams last night, which I don’t have time to get into the details about, but it involved dead twins in a water tower (that I think I had something to do with) discovered by Steve Buscemi, who alerted the police. Pretty creepy, though I’ve always liked Steve Buscemi.

Oh well, time to make the donuts.

The reprieve from the hot and humid weather we’ve been having ends today, as it’s expected to get back up into the 90’s. I’m really not looking forward to the new climate patterns that are coming, though I suppose being beach front property will be good for tourism. Still, I may have to get more serious above moving to Canada before I get so old they won’t take me. Either that, or quit my bitchin’.

The WikiLeaks release of tens of thousands of documents detailing what a pathetic waste of time (and money, and lives) our presence there has been has forced Congress to take a step back and reconsider things. And by reconsider, I mean pass a massive Afghanistan war spending increase of $33 billion.

Sssh! You hear that? That’s the cry of Republican deficit hawks demanding that this $33 billion must be paid for with spending cuts or tax increases in order to make it deficit neutral. Oh, wait, never mind. My bad. That was actually some mocking birds out back shrieking at the cat. They don’t seem to like her (might be related to the mutilated bird and mouse bodies I keep finding in the back yard).

Speaking of Afghanistan, PA Gov Ed Rendell (who, as far as I know, has never thrown out the first pitch at a T-ball game) predicted on Tuesday that if the president escalates the US military involvement in Afghanistan, he could face a primary challenger in 2012. Really Ed? Is there an RFK out there willing to buck the party? I mean, other than, like Dennis Kucinich (who, much as I like him, we all know he has no chance of winning the nomination, let alone the general election).

A recess appointment for Elizabeth Warren? Oh, “no, no, no” says Chris Dodd. That would be an icky Republican kinda thing to do, and she certainly can’t get confirmed. And I respect Dodd, because he’s a man of the people and untainted by Wall Street. And by “untainted,” I of course mean “in the pocket of.”

Looking at Senator Dodd’s “lifetime achievement” score, I see that his top five contributors include #1 Citigroup, #3 Bear Stearns, and #4 the Royal Bank of Scotland (really?). As for contributions by industry, the Securities & Investment sector is by far his biggest contributor which, at $6.1 million nearly doubles his runner up (Lawyers/Law Firms). Dodd’s top five is rounded out by Insurance, Real Estate, and Commercial Banks.

Of course, not everyone believes Obama’s reluctance to appoint Warren is due to Congress being in the pocket of the Financial industry and the Administration’s financial advisers being loaded with Wall Street insiders. Nope, it’s clearly a case of sexism according to NOW.

“If confirmed, Warren would protect consumers from further economic meltdowns caused by shady loans and credit,” NOW wrote in its e-mail to supporters. “She would also demand accountability and consumer-friendly practices from Wall Street banks. But she’s not part of the old boys club, so NOW asks: Could sexism be at work in denying her this position?”

Um, OK. I suppose that’s possible. But, you know what? I think it has a whole lot more to do with the “protect consumers,” and “demand accountability and consumer-friendly practices from Wall Street banks” parts. Maybe it’s just a lot harder to find a woman willing to shill for Wall Street. Just my opinion, of course.

I mentioned the other day how Obama seems to be cyber-stalking me, and it’s getting kind of embarrassing, so I’ve been kind of ignoring him. Now he’s put his wife up to e-mailing me, asking me to “sign Barack’s birthday card.” Geez, dude, have you no shame?

Oh well, it’s about that time, I guess. I’m getting tired of all this. Maybe I should move to Oakland and open up a pot farm.

In a move certain to bring the wrath of Jobs down on him, the Librarian of Congress – James H. Billington – yesterday announced a new ruling on US Copyright law, declaring that it’s OK to hack your iPhone to run non-Apple approved apps, or even use a different wireless provider.

The decision on a practice known as “jailbreaking” was one of several key changes in U.S. copyright law filed by the head of the Library of Congress, which also ruled that short clips can be legally copied from movie DVDs to make videos for purposes of comment or criticism.

The rulings were “a major victory for consumers,” said Corynne McSherry, senior staff attorney with the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a San Francisco digital rights organization that pushed for the clarifications. “Copyright law should be supporting fair use and not getting in the way of it.”

Apple, for its part, says it’s just trying to protect its poor, pathetic (some – but not I – might even say “sheep-like”) customers, who aren’t capable of deciding for themselves what apps to use, and need the not-so-invisible hand of Apple to guide them in the right direction. I’d guess only a handful of iPhone users have both the skill and desire to jailbreak their phones, but expect to see frequent iPhone OS updates designed to circumvent the process and brick any jailbreaked (jailbroken?) phones. Hopefully they won’t inadvertently brick any non-jailbroken phones in the process.

Here in NY, our very lame duck Governor is once again making noise about laying off state workers, despite a pledge (which may or may not be binding, depending on who you listen to) not to lay anybody off until at least January 2011.

Gov Blinky then proceeded to throw out the first pitch at a T-ball game, which is kinda funny on a couple of levels. First, the Gov is legally blind, and while they pointed him in the right direction, his pitch was (to put it kindly) a wee bit high. More importantly, though, there is no first pitch in T-ball. There are no pitches period. They put the ball on a tee (hence the name “T-ball”), and the kid whacks away at it. Even the Governor could probably hit the ball (though they’d have to make sure they pointed him toward first base).

I typically expect people to be self-centered assholes, but I ran into a new example yesterday afternoon. I was back a bit in a line of cars waiting to pull out of the grocery store parking lot. Since it’s a busy street, I wasn’t really surprised that we weren’t actually moving – until I happened to notice there weren’t any cars coming. Then I saw why. Some jackass in a fancy convertible (didn’t really see what kind it was, but it looked pretty snazzy) had decided to put his top down, so the rest of us had to wait. Never mind he could have put his goddamn top down before he pulled out of the parking lot, and f*ck the peasants behind him. I have no doubt this guy made out very well from the Bush tax cuts.

Oh well, time to go.

Some blessed relief from the heat and humidity that’s not as bad here as it is in other places so I won’t complain about about it but it’s really sucked this summer. Yesterday was a beautiful day, and today is supposed to be just as nice (which will bring me great comfort as I sit in my windowless office all day). After a humid (though not quite a horribly hot) and rainy Saturday, I finally got to try out my new electric lawnmower yesterday. I really like the fact that it’s incredibly light and really, really quiet, and there’s no farting around with gas or oil or trying to start it, but there’s no getting around the fact that the cord is a pain in the ass. Especially in the front yard. The big problem is when you change direction. The cord stays on one side, so you have to figure out how to step over it and let it shift over and not run over it. I finally settled on putting it across my shoulder and around my neck. You just need to turn the same way every time to avoid getting strangled. I reckon I’ll get it figgered out (or winter will get here – whichever comes first).

Big debate in store for us today in Congress. The god-fearing Republicans want to preserve the Bush tax cuts for rich people, while the godless Democrats want to let them sunset. Here’s how it works: Republicans are “deficit hawks,” and didn’t want to pony up $33 billion to help out unemployed folks unless it was “deficit neutral,” but think the tax cuts should be preserved at a cost of $678 billion (and some $3 trillion over 10 years) with no strings attached. This is because Republicans are fiscally conservative and Democrats are tax and spend liberals.

Here in NY, there are something like 250,000 Canada geese. The government wants to kill about 165,000 of them by trapping them and putting them into turkey crates, and then gassing them to death. I, personally, find this abhorrent, but others are apparently quite proud of the plan.

A high-level official of the United States Department of Agriculture who is familiar with the proposal called it a “one-of-a-kind plan.”

“New York is leading the way,” he said….

Ah, well, good for us. We don’t have a budget, and half of our legislators are under indictment for something or other, but when it comes to murdering geese, by golly, we’ve got our shit together.

Speaking of getting shit together, I guess it’s about that time for me.

Today on Press the Meat, it’s Tim Geithner. Maybe he’ll tell us who he’s chosen to head the Consumer Protection Bureau. Then it’s a roundtable with NY Times weenie David Brooks, the WaPost’s E.J. Dionne, former White House Communications Director Anita Dunn, National Urban League President Marc Morial and teabag founder Rick Santelli.

Over at Faze the Nation, it’s Abigail Thernstrom, the Vice Chair, U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, Michael Eric Dyson (who is OK, other than he teaches at Georgetown) Cornel West, Wall Street Journal douchebag John Fund, and former Bush shill Michael Gerson. You’d think Bob Schieffer would also have a word or two to say about Daniel Schorr, too.

On Fux News Sunday, Weaselface Wallace has disgraced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and Howard Dean, plus Jesse Jackson on how the White House handled the Shirley Sherrod ouster (not that Fux had anything to do with it, of course). And of course the usual fuxheads.

At the Goebbels network, it’s Timmy Geithner and NJ Gov Chris Christie, plus a mere ⅔ of the Axis of Drivel, Sam Donaldson and Cokie Roberts, along with Donna Brazile and Fuxhead Stephen Hayes of the Weakly Substandard. Gee, George :jerk: Will actually had somewhere else to go?

On CNN, Fareed Zakaria is all about Afghanistan this week with an exclusive interview with Richard Holbrooke. Then a panel of ‘experts’ – Richard Haass from the Council on Foreign Relations, George Packer of the New Yorker and Bret Stephens of the Wall Street Journal – argue over America’s future in the region. Plus, more from Fareed’s recent trip to London with Harvard historian Niall Ferguson and Lord Robert Skidelsky. You think the Gulf oil fiasco is a big deal (or even an unusual event)? Imagine having an Exxon Valdez-sized oil spill in your backyard every year for the last 50 years. That’s how it is in Nigeria, and Fareed gives us a look at the damage in the Niger River Delta.

I think a better use of your time this Sunday would probably be listening to NPR’s one-hour retrospective on the life and career of Daniel Schorr. It’s on a 2:00 on my local NPR station. As they say, check local listings for broadcast times in your area.

Well, got the old bursitis pretty bad in my right shoulder this weekend, and typing is pretty painful, so I reckon I’d better go now. Have a good Sunday.

So, Stanley McChrystal officially retired yesterday, I guess. How long before he’s an “anal-yst” for Fux News, telling the teabag faithful how Obama is doing everything all wrong?

Poor Charlie Rangel. He appears to be in a bit of trouble, and I don’t think he understands why. I mean, that’s just the way things work, so why are they picking on him? I’ve always liked Charlie. He’s a very snappy dresser – kind of a cross between a funeral director and an old-school vampire.

Barney Frank says Obama ought to appoint Elizabeth Warren as head of the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau – even if it means using a recess appointment to get around the obstructionist Senate Republicans. I agree, and I hope Obama gets Tim Geithner’s approval to do it.

Oh well, time to get out there and try to get this weekend over with. I can’t wait ’til Monday morning rolls around again.

Barack Obama keeps writing to me. At first I kinda liked it, you know? But then I got tired of it, and now it’s just kind of annoying. I didn’t even bother to read this one. The subject was “Change,” so I’m assuming he’s trying to tell me he’s changed and from now on things’ll be different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might start to get my hopes up, but in the end he’ll just hit me up for money, and then I’ll realize yet again what a fool I am for thinking he could change. It’s not that I hate you or anything, Barry. Honest. I’m just not that into you any more. I mean, when we first met – even though I knew you weren’t the “perfect” man (hey, who is, right?), I thought you were really cool, and I hoped I could change you. But that never works, does it? And now we’ve just kind of drifted apart. We just don’t seem to have anything in common anymore.

I wanted us to get out of Afghanistan, and you want to keep us there. I wanted Single Payer health care, and you took that off the table from the start. I wanted strict financial regulation, you hired Wall Street insiders to write it. I wanted you to use your electoral mandate to make real changes and undo all the damage Republicans have done since St Reagan, and you wanted to give them a reach around across the aisle.

Oh, I know. I should have known better – all the signs were there from the start – so it isn’t you, Barack. It’s me. Just, you know, quit it with the writing and the begging. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Big weekend here in CNY as the Oswego Harborfest begins today. This is a huge event (that I’ve never actually gone to because Oswego is too small a town for so many people to gather all at once) with a Midway, tall ships, music (including Kansas – or as Jim Earl would say, “that crappy fusion band from the 70’s” – the Fabulous Thunderbirds, and the Little River Band; I guess there are geezers like me in charge of booking the talent), and a carnival atmosphere with much drinking of beer, all culminating with the world-famous (so I’m told) Grucci Brothers fireworks display (set off from a barge out in the harbor) on Sunday night. Then the 40 or so miles between Oswego and Syracuse turns into a parking lot for a few hours.

Hey, what can I say? We love us some beer and fireworks up here in the provinces.

First, a NJ woman said a man with a gun stole her car and drove it into a tree. Next, she said she made up the carjacking story to cover up the fact that she picked up a stranger and let him drive her car, which he promptly drove into a tree while they were engaged in a “sex act.” Now, however, it appears that she made up the car sex story to cover up the fact that she and her man stole a laptop from another car, and were fleeing the police when they crashed into the tree. They then set the car on fire, because, um…well, just because. No idea what they’re trying to cover up with the whole stolen laptop story.

Well, shit. I guess I gotta go to work now.