Ah, Saturday. The best day of the week, and the only day where you not only don’t have to go to work, but you don’t have to worry about going to work tomorrow, either. As a result, I typically sleep in on Saturdays, and today is no exception. I stayed in bed ’til damn near 5:30. But it’s a big day today, so it’s time to get cracking. We’re heading out to the sticks to look at a place away from suburbia (and neighbors). A while back, after I’d written about the unemployment in Syracuse, somebody commented that it was a shame what was happening in the “small towns” upstate. I thought that was pretty funny, ‘cuz while it’s far from Manhattan, Syracuse isn’t exactly Mayberry, either. Well, the place we’re looking at today is actually a five minute drive to Mayberry (and a half hour drive – about 23 miles – to where I work). So, we’ll see how it goes. I sure would be happy to thumb my nose at the neighbors on my way out the door, but I’d really miss all my brand new appliances.

Roger Clemens, as I’m sure you’ve heard by now since it seems to be almost as big a story as whether or not Michele Obama wore slacks or went on vacation, has been indicted for lying to Congress about steroid use. Really? Think back over the past ten years or so, about all the people who have testified before Congress and lied about things like 9/11, the invasion of Iraq, torture, illegal wiretapping…. People like Rumsfeld, Alberto VO5 Gonzales, Condi Rice, John Yoo, and Dick Cheney & his little buddy George (though, I suppose that since they refused to testify under oath or on the record, they’re off the hook), just to name a few. Now tell me how come Roger Clemens (who, frankly, I couldn’t care less about either way) is at the head of the line for “justice.”

You know, if baseball wants to not let him in the Hall of Fame or remove him from the record books, or whatever, well fine. That’s up to them. But for the DOJ to use its resources to prosecute him while turning a blind eye to all these other criminals who’ve done far worse damage to this country and are culpable in the deaths thousands of Americans, and hundreds of thousands of lesser humans, well, something just aint right. But then, you already knew that.

Yesterday, I brought you the news of Urban Outfitters opening a new store here. But today, it’s even bigger news: apple picking season. Yes, because of the warm weather and rain, the apple harvest is not only bigger, better, and sweeter than ever, it’s also very early this year. Normally, apple picking season doesn’t commence until sometime in September, but this year it starts tomorrow. Even better, after getting a special dispensation from the State last year, the new Beak and Skiff distillery is now open. And that means not only apple wine and hard cider, but apple vodka as well. I’ve never been much for vodka, but, were I not currently on the wagon (oh, how it pains me to say that), I think I might give it a try.

Good news for capitalists: jobless claims have risen to their highest rates since last November.

New applications for unemployment insurance reached the half-million mark last week for the first time since November, a sign that employers are cutting jobs again as the recovery slows.

The Labor Department says initial claims for jobless benefits rose by 12,000 last week to 500,000, the fourth increase in the past five weeks. Wall Street economists forecast that claims would drop.

I other words, when it comes to jobs, it’s a buyer’s market out there. At this rate, India will be outsourcing its help desk jobs to us, and Mexico will be talking about putting up a 3,000 mile “fence” to thwart the throngs of gringos trying to sneak across the border.

So I reckon I’d better get my act together and show up for work all bright and shiny. Sucks to have to be grateful for your job.

Like anybody in the vicinity of my age (and a generation before and at least a couple after), I became a fan of JD Salinger after reading ‘Catcher in the Rye,’ after which I tore through ‘Nine Stories’, ‘Franny and Zooey’, and ‘Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction.’ I don’t know that Salinger is my favorite author, though he’s certainly on the short list with John Irving, John Updike, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Isaac Asimov, Stephen King (yeah, that’s right, Asimov and King, you literary snobs), Philip Roth, Ray Carver, and, well, I think I better stop there, ‘cuz it occurs to me that I don’t actually have a “short” list, and this might go on for a while (and I haven’t even gotten to the ones who either went to or taught at SU).

Anyhow, suffice it to say, I’m a fan of Salinger, wish he’d published more stuff, and was quite enthralled to get to spend a night in the house where he purportedly wrote ‘Catcher’ (thanks to Melina), even if none of his literary genius rubbed off on me (though I am somewhat reclusive, and would be a hermit if I could still afford high-speed Internet and satellite teevee).

But I’m not a big enough fan to want to buy his toilet off e-bay – even if I could afford the $1 million asking price.

The listing claims that the toilet was purchased from the new owners of Salinger’s home in Cornish, N.H.
[…]
What the listing says about Salinger and this toilet:

When he died, his wife inherited all of his manuscripts with plans to eventually release some of them! Who knows how many of these stories were thought up and written while Salinger sat on this throne!

This vintage toilet is from 1962 and is dated under the lid. It will come to you uncleaned and in it’s original condition when it was removed from Salinger’s old home!

Oh, uncleaned. How wonderful. A dirty old toilet that might possibly have Salinger scat (or, dare we hope, perhaps one of the old man’s short-and-curly hairs containing sufficient DNA to attempt a clone?) embedded in its many nooks and crannies. Tempting as that is, I think I’ll have to pass.

In Tafalla, Spain, it was Humans 1 – Bull 40, as a bull jumped about 10 meters into the stands and managed to take out (though not kill) 40 people before he was captured and killed. Since they’d have killed him eventually anyway, I have to say, “good job.” By all accounts, Spain is a very nice place, but Spaniards really ought to see that this institutionally approved animal torture shit is pretty repugnant, and ought to stop.

The headline at the HuffPost says “Bloodsucking Bedbugs Found In Movie Theater.” What? As opposed to vegetarian bed bugs?

Bedbugs have attacked a popular movie theater in Times Square as New York battles the persistent pests. The AMC Empire 25 in Times Square was sprayed overnight and reopened Wednesday. A guest at the AMC Magic Johnson Harlem 9 theater also reported a bite in late July.
[…]
Bedbugs were found in two seats at the Empire 25 during an Aug. 3 inspection, and a guest reported being bitten this past weekend. Pest control experts were called, the seats were removed and new ones were installed.

You know, I thought the lo-cal news where I live was pretty lame (big news this morning: Urban Outfitters’ new store is opening today), but, geez, does “bugs found in movie theater” really rate national attention? What’s next, “cockroaches found in restaurant kitchen” or “Ponderosa salad bar cited for mouse droppings?”

Oh well, big day today. The doggie has to go to the vet for his rabies shot so that I can renew his lapsed license (we had a visit from the dog police, who said we have 7 days to get our shit together). He really (really) hates the thermometer part, and I of course can’t stand to be anywhere nearby when he’s being tortured. It really ought to be Granny doing this stuff, since, as a nurse, she’s trained to ignore (if not embrace) the suffering of others. However, my efforts to ignore things and leave it up to her has gotten us where we are today, so I guess I just have to man up and take care of it.

For the long term, though, I’m getting really tired of suburbia, and am starting to look for a place out in the sticks where we can get the hell away from neighbors. It’ll mean trading in my 3 minute commute for something ten times longer (still not much for those of you who live in real cities with actual traffic and all that). It’ll give me a chance to listen to my mp3 player and podcasts and stuff on the ride to and from work, so I think that’ll work out fine.

Speaking of podcasts, I’ve been a little off my Maron lately. Haven’t listened to one in a while, and I’m not quite sure why. I suppose I’ve just been listening to music more lately, and have been too lazy to even sync my player in about a week. That and maybe I’m a little tired of his opening schtick. Just feels like I’ve heard it before, and, well, I dunno. It’s not him – it’s me. I guess I’ve just got my own insecurities and stress and hopelessness and hassles and shoulder pain and high blood pressure to deal with, and I really don’t have room for anybody else’s bag of shit right now.

Just a phase, no doubt, and I’m sure I’ll get over it. Or have a paralyzing (though not immediately fatal) stroke. Whichever comes first.

Oh well, time to get out the door. Crappe diem.

With the state of the world these days, and given the fact that Iran’s first nuclear power reactor at Bushehr is set to launch August 21st, the last thing anyone needs is a fear-mongering, loud-mouth, walrus-puss douchebag opening his yap. Enter John Bolton, who told the Fox Business Network

…if Israel is going to do anything against Bushehr it has to move in the next eight days.”

Oh, great. Not that the Israelis need any encouragement, but should anybody really be trying to goad them into an attack that’s likely to, at best, not do much good, and at worst, well, I’d just as soon not think about the worst case scenario.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (is it typical for people with a PhD in physiology to be referred to as “doctor”?) told Larry King that she’s ending her radio show when her contract ends later this year. Is it because, in light of recent events, she’s realized that konservative talk radio consists of nothing but hate-filled blowhards who are polarizing this country, making serious discussion impossible while all but eliminating any possibility of solving any of the myriad of problems the country currently faces? Nah. It’s ‘cuz she wants to be able to call a n*gger a n*gger without catching shit for it.

“The reason is I want to regain my First Amendment rights. I want to be able to say what’s on my mind and in my heart and what I think is helpful and useful without somebody getting angry, some special interest group deciding this is the time to silence a voice of dissent and attack affiliates, attack sponsors. I’m sort of done with that.”

Oh well, looks like it’s time to go away now.

As you no doubt have heard, spineless Harry Reid has decided it’s more politically expedient to oppose the building of an Islamic mosque and community center in the old Burlington Coat Factory building in New York City (BTW, for those of us unfamiliar with the area, TPM has pictures of the neighborhood; I must say, for the most part, it looks like a shithole) than it is to defend the US Constitution and the right it grants “we the people” – be they Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, Moonie, or Hindu – to worship (or not) as they see fit (short of human sacrifice or something) without government interference. Whether or not this helps old Harry get reelected, it’s precisely this sort of behavior that has control of Congress on the verge of flipping to Republicans.

Democrats, on the whole, don’t appear to actually stand for much of anything and, given the fact that they appear to be no different than Republicans, aren’t likely to win the seats that are actually in play. All else being equal, boot out the party that’s in power. It’s a shame, really, since – much as the Democrats disgust me – I honestly think having Republicans in charge will be way worse in every way imaginable. Obama looks to be a one-and-done at this point (way too early to call, of course; if the economy and unemployment turn around or things stop looking like such a quagmire in Afghanistan, maybe he can limp to a ineffective second term).

Of course, Obama “stood up” for the rights of citizens to build whatever they want on private property (and good for him), but then of course he had to couch his remarks in a rather Clintonesque way the next day by saying, “hey, oh, wait a minute. They have a right to build there, but I think it’s wrong to actually do it.”

I know, I know. It’s very nuanced. Like saying you defend the right of Nazis to march through downtown Poughkeepsie, but you hate the message they’re sending. OK, I get that, I guess, though I don’t get what’s wrong with building a community center/mosque, and I don’t get why Obama can never just come out and be on the correct side of an issue without trying to have it both ways.

Why not just say, “look, do you want the government or ‘majority rule’ to deny you the right to build your church in a particular location, just because it happens to fall out of favor with the unwashed masses? Should we deny the right of Christians to build churches and assemble freely because Fred Phelps is an asshole and his church is a perversion of Christianity? Should we refuse to allow a Catholic Church to open within a mile of a school because it’s a ‘slap in the face’ to kids and their families who have suffered abuse by priests?”

Yeah, you’re right. It wouldn’t make any difference to these mouth-breathing idiots. But it would make a difference to me.

Then again, nobody’s asking me.

Every once in a while, somebody or other will send me the latest and greatest razor “handle” in the mail, with a sample two or three blades. I’ve got quite a collection, ranging from double, triple, and even “quad” blades, plus strips of skin moisturizer (or whatever it is) attached to it, for whatever it is that that’s supposed to do. Since I only shave my neck (and that only two or three times a week at most), I don’t really go through a whole lot of blades. Unfortunately, it’s been a while (like, a few years, I think) since anybody’s sent me one, and the blades on the one I’ve been using have gotten pretty dull.

So, while I was out at my local “buy everything in bulk” club store (paying for the privilege of spending money goes against my principles, but I get a “deal” on membership through my union, it’s really close by, and if you’re in the market for a 500-pack of toilet paper – and who isn’t? – you can’t beat the deals) yesterday, I figured I’d pick up some replacements. Holy Crap! These things are really goddamn expensive. Like, $40 or something for a 16-pack. Granted, 16 of these things would last me the rest of my natural life, but still. I really wasn’t prepared to make that kind of commitment.

Since I’m philosophically opposed to buying disposable razors (all that plastic to wind up in the landfill for a tiny sliver of metal), I passed on the whole idea, and picked up a four-pack of ‘speed stick’ (cheapest they had) instead. Fortunately, I was able to revert to a triple-blade handle that was still kicking around (and this, I feel obliged to point out to my wife, is why I don’t throw shit away).

Since the blade that was in there seemed pretty new, and since I have two more sample ones left after that, I should be good to go for another five years or so. In the meantime, hopefully somebody will come out with a “penta-track” system that lifts, separates, cuts, lifts higher, and cuts again and sends me a free sample, or I might be forced to switch to a straight razor (which, I’m reasonably certain, will only lead to bloodshed).

Why am I telling you all this? Clearly, it’s because I’m too tired to think of anything else this morning. How you can not drink and still wake up feeling hung over is beyond me.

Even worse, it’s Monday. Bleh.

On Press the Meat today, Gilligan Gregory goes “one-on-one” with war hero and modern day MacArthur, General David Petraeus.

At Faze the Nation, Bob Schieffer has Tim Kaine, PA Gov Ed Rendell, ex-RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie, Republican “strategist” Ed Rollins, the WaPost’s Karen Tumulty, and John Harris of Politico.

Over at Fux News, Weaselface Wallace has Crazy John Cornyn and Jack Reed, plus, Liz Claman of the Fux Business Network and Moody’s Analytics Chief Economist Mark Zandi. Plus a whole lotta fuxheads.

At the Goebbels network, Christiane Amanpour talks with Republican scmuck Bob Corker, Jon Corzine, Laura D’Andrea Tyson of the President’s Economic Recovery Advisory Board, and Martin Regalia from the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. Then Jim Sciutto gives is the latest on the flooding in Pakistan (I guess that commie pinko Amanpour doesn’t give a shit abotu Iowa), and a roundtable with Cokie “the hag” Roberts, political “strategist” Matthew Dowd, Chrystia Freeland of Reuters and David Ignatius of the WaPost. No George :jerk: Will? Is Christi putting him out to pasture?

Over at CNN, Fareed Zakaria has “the most important Economist in the World,”Jeffrey Sachs. Then, a scorcher of a summer in the U.S., a third of Pakistan is under water, fires rage across Russia and Europe is flooding. Climate change? What climate change? A panel of climate experts discuss the issue. Then Farred asks a former Muslim and Muslim reformer what the state of Islam is in America and around the world. And now you can be under 5’3” and be a French cop.

Have fun.

Just in case you were wondering, in New York State (California, too, among others), it’s illegal to eat your cat. We know this, thanks to our friends in Western NY.

Police stopped Gary Korkuc, 51, of Cheektowaga, N.Y., when he allegedly failed to stop at a stop sign Sunday night. Officers heard meowing coming from Korkuc’s trunk and investigated. They found the man’s black-and-white cat, Navarro, in a cage, covered in oil, chili peppers, crushed red peppers and salt.

Police said Korkuc told them he had intended to cook the cat because it had been “mean” to him.

So much for that Kitty Pot Pie recipe, I guess. Sorry, Solvay.

Cheektowaga, BTW, has long been one of my favorite names for a town – particular given its prominent position in the Cheektowaga-Lackawanna-Tonawanda triangle.

President Obama (the original “terror baby” – assuming you believe he was actually born here in the first place) last night defended the right of people to build a House of Worship on privately owned land.

Yes, this is really what it’s come to in this country. You know what? How’s about we let people build all the Churches, Synagogues, and Mosques they want, but we take away their tax exempt status? You know, render unto Caesar and all that? I see no reason why I should subsidize your delusional beliefs. Come back after you legalize pot, and then we’ll talk.

The NFL season is in full swing, and we got to see Donovan McNabb in action with the Washington Redskins last night against the Buffalo Bills. McNabb looked pretty good, and it’s nice to see him away from Philly – whose fans never really deserved him. Buffalo looked, well, like they’d eaten a few too many cats before the game. Hopefully they’ll continue to suck during the regular season.

Here in Syracuse, yesterday was Orange Football Fanfest. Since the first game isn’t until September 4th, we’re currently undefeated and hoping for (if not quite expecting) a winning season (maybe even – gasp – a bowl game?). This may all change by Halloween, of course, but for now, we can dream (and while I don’t expect them to be undefeated, that doesn’t mean I won’t be disappointed when they lose).

Oh well, time to go about my day, I guess. Not sure what I can do, though. I can’t do any work around the house, and I can’t drink beer. I seem to have lost all reason to live.

But at least my shoulder only hurts a little bit.

I got around to watching the first episode of this year’s “Hard Knocks” on HBO last night. For those who don’t know (or care), the show follows an NFL team through training camp, and this year it’s the Jets. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been a lifelong (if not partially closeted) Jets fan since I was about 7 years old, and even have an olde-tyme Jets bobblehead (back before they were called bobbleheads, though I don’t recall what they called them back then) among other Jets stuff (used to have a #12 Jets helmet, too, but that’s long gone to wherever it is that things go when they’re no longer around, and it was pretty tight on my big fat head even when I was twelve; if I still had it, I’d probably make a lamp or something out of it). Plus the Jets training camp is in my backyard – just a couple exits south of here in Cortland. Last year was their first year up here, and it nearly resulted in a trip to the Super Bowl, so we all have high hopes for this season. As you can tell, this is pretty darn exciting stuff (at least when compared to the rest of what I laughingly refer to as my “life”). And the show was fun to watch (though from what I read, Rex Ryan’s mom called him up and told him to clean up his language; Rex is a bit of a potty mouth).

I don’t know if y’all caught “The Daily Show” the other night, but if you did, you may have seen Jon Stewart refer to the orange-colored John Boehner as the “former Syracuse mascot.” Pretty funny, but – much as I detest him – even ‘Otto the Orange’ isn’t as bad as the Boehner.

If you’re looking for something to do this weekend, head out to a National Park. Admission is free. Oh, sure, you’ll be supporting socialism and subverting the right of private ownership to buy land and turn it into strip malls and expensive estates for rich people, but, still.

Oh well, it’s Friday the 13^th, so you all be careful out there today.

Once again, I have my Internet connection back at home. Turns out, of the cable that ran from the pole to the house, there was a little tiny piece still hanging on the pole, and another little tiny piece left hanging on the house. Everything in between? Well, it’s probably still hanging on whatever the hell took it down. I reckon that’s a valid reason for having no signal. Still, I need to get back to my bamboo strainer wifi antenna project so I can use the Panera network in case of the next emergency. I have the strainer and the USB adapter. Just need to get a really long USB extension cable so I can mount the sucker on the roof (otherwise I’ll have to climb up there every time I want to check my e-mail – kinda like Oliver Douglas making a phone call). Still, it was really nice to be able to pop a Lortab and drift off to my old time radio again last night.

Speaking of Lortabs, the old shoulder is much improved, if not totally pain free. I’m still keeping ice on it in the morning and when I get back home from work, and there’s a twinge now and again (some things outright hurt, like turning a door knob), but I can raise my arm above my head and can wash my hair with two hands (as long as I don’t get too vigorous with the right one). So hopefully things will continue to improve, and I’ll be “all better” soon. Not that I’ll know what all better is. I mean, I wasn’t exactly perfect to start with. At this point in my life, I’m just shottin’ for “good enough.” The hard part is that the Lortabs are narcotics combined with acetaminophen. Both are no-nos as far as combining with alcohol (one for the risk of liver failure, and one for potential of, like, respiratory failure). So, I haven’t had a beer since last Friday, and I must confess that my life feels very incomplete without it (though I’m saving quite a bit of money; so far, I’ve more than half-paid for the Kindle 3 I ordered the other day).

Good luck to Mr. Soupy and the cataracts today (good name for a band – Soupy and the Cataracts). My mother-in-law just finished getting the second one done, and she wishes she’d gotten it done sooner, because her eyes are working much better now. Personally, I hope to never have the experience, but it’s starting to become clear to me that my body appears to be going the way of my 1998 Chevy Astro Van. Neither gets used enough these days, and being sedentary is causing them both to fall apart, bit by bit.

Vernon, I hope you’re over you’re feeling better now. Remember, unless it’s St. Patrick’s Day, stay away from the green pepperoni.

I may have mentioned back on August 3rd or so that our brave NYS Legislature had finally passed a budget. Well, turns out, no they di-int. The NYS Assembly sent the wrong version of the bill to the Governor, who then promptly signed it. Oops. Somebody figured out the error, and yesterday everything got set straight. Supposedly.

Daniel Radcliffe (aka, Harry Potter) is on the cover of “Out” magazine. I’m not sure what that is, but I think it’s got something to do with camping.

Some July economic indicators are due out today. The employment numbers are projected to be terrible. Home foreclosures are up 6% over last year. Some 30,000 people turned out in Atlanta yesterday in hopes of getting low-income housing vouchers (13,000 applications were turned in).

I think the plan to make America suck so bad that Mexicans will no longer try to sneak in is really working out nicely.

Speaking of Mexicans, Chuck Schumer was in town yesterday to tout a $600 million ’emergency’ spending bill to “address illegal immigration along the Mexican border.” Because up here – some 1,500 miles away from Mexico – we really give a shit. No word on which direction of travel they’re trying to crack down on, but, assuming they want to keep the evil Mexicans out, all they’re gonna succeed in doing is wasting our tax dollars in order to maybe keep enough Mexicans out to raise the price of lettuce, apples, and grapes.

Hey, beats Universal Health Care.

Well, I guess it’s about time to get ready for work. It’s amazing how much faster the morning goes when you have an Internet connection. Too bad it looks like pretty soon the only sites we’ll be able to get to will be the ones that can afford to bribe Internet backbone providers to give them the fastest pipes. Get used to shopping at Wal-Mart online and getting your news from Fux.

Have a good one.