“Breaking” news this morning from CNN: according to some unnamed NATO dude, Osama bin Laden is alive and well and living in Pakistan (or maybe I should say, ‘Paki-Satan’). And not even in a cave, either. He’s in a house. Probably with high-speed Internet and satellite TV, too. And hear I thought he was making audio and video recordings and running his dialysis machine on batteries (some kickass batteries, too; they’ve lasted, like, nine years already). Or maybe he’s got an infidel-driven generator or something. So, my two-word (and not particularly well-formed) question is – October surprise? Does Obama have it in him to pull Osama out of his hat? Will bin Laden sacrifice himself so his brother Mooslam can stay in office and push his godless (oh, wait, he’s a secret Muslim, so I guess he can’t exactly be godless; it’s just the wrong god; I mean, god backwards, as we all know, is dog, but Allah backwards is halla, which is a kingdom in Goopy Gyne Bagha Byne). This, by the way, is why Mooslams hate dogs.

Big day at Home Depot yesterday, as they had all new carts (not wimpy shopping carts, but the lumber carts and flatbeds and whatnot). Probably not actually new, but reconditioned with all new wheels and orange paint jobs. These suckers damn near pushed themselves. It inspired me to purchase an extra sheet of Luann. Sadly, I managed to drop said piece of Luann from a not inconsiderable height onto my foot (and, of course, at a 90 degree angle; picture a 1/4″ wooden guillotine). Fear not, though, my big toe managed to take the full force of the hit (and or course I was wearing sneakers, not work boots, because, well, I’m not sure where any of my pairs of boots have gotten to at this point in time). As a result, my toe is an interesting shade of purple. And a bit on the sore side, which is good because it takes away from the pain of the other cuts and splinters I acquired over the weekend.

There’s much that happened in the sports world this weekend that we shall not speak of. However, we can at least be happy that the Jets managed to win – and now have the best record in the NFL at 5-1 (though the godless Patriots, led by Satan spawn and Justin Bieber wannabe Tom Brady, managed to pull out a win after sacrificing a virgin or chickens or something late in the 4th quarter; hey, say what you want about Brett Favre, but at least all he’s got is a picture of his naughty bits in his attic that ages instead of him). In other happy news, Dallas lost, bringing their record to 1-4, and cementing their lock on last place in the NFC East. Let’s hope they stay there.

I’d really hoped to be closing on the new house today. Not because I have a hankering to write a huge check and throw myself deeply into debt, but because I have a meeting this afternoon (at 3 o’clock, too; what idiot scheduled that, and I’d really hoped to be able to blow it off. Sadly, it appears that won’t happen. We have our biweekly Wednesday meeting this week. I hope I can at least miss that.

But, until then, I guess I have to go and face another Monday. That sucks.

OK, let’s see. On Press the Meat, it’s Robert Gibbs and the two people running for Senate in Colorado – Democrat Michael Bennet and Republican Ken Buck.

On Faze the Nation, Bob Schieffer has Howard Dean, li’l Lindsey Graham, the evil spawn of a heartless criminal, Liz Cheney, and William Galston, Deputy Assistant for Domestic Policy in the Clinton administration.

Fux News Sunday has Crazy John Cornyn, Claire McCaskill, and Carly Fiorina.

At the Goebbels Network, Christi Amanpour has would-be witch slayer Chris Coons of Delaware, plus Meghan McCain, Matthew Dowd, Nightline anchor Terry Moran and, of course, George :jerk: Will.

On CNN, Fareed Zakaria talks to MIT professor Peter Diamond. Also up, North Korea, Ayad Allawi, the former Prime Minister of Iraq, Al Qaeda’s new magazine, and was the rescue of the Chilean miners the solution to breaking a century-old dispute between two neighboring nations?

Beats me.

Have a good Sunday.

Yesterday, it rained. And rained. Then it rained some more. In fact, it’s still raining right now, though it’s supposed to stop this morning. I was hoping to hear about a closing date yesterday (on Thursday, they told me everything was in, and they were looking at Monday or Tuesday). But I didn’t hear anything yesterday at all, so I’m guessing Monday is out of the question. It would have been nice to at least hear something, but, well, I guess I’m not important enough for a courtesy call. Maybe if I was borrowing a few million dollars or something. Oh well.

Last night, a whole bunch of former SU basketball stars were on hand to see Jim Boeheim awarded the 2010 Sporting News coach of the year award at halftime of an NBA exhibition game between the Minnesota Timberwolves (who have three former SU players on their roster – at least until Jason Hart gets cut) and the Detroit Pistons. Former Piston (and current Detroit mayor) Dave Bing (Jim Boeheim’s college room and back court mate) tossed the ceremonial opening tip, and, hell, even Floyd Little was on hand. For those keeping score, the T-Wolves won 99-88.

Now, our thoughts turn to football, and there’s a big game here today (for we, the SU faithful – certainly not for anybody else), as the Pitt Panthers come to town. Pitt was picked by the coaches to win the Big East this year, but have had a bit of a shaky start, while we’ve actually had our best start since 1999 (albeit against less than stellar opposition).

So – on Homecoming Day no less – we have an opportunity to win two Big East games in a row (we haven’t won two Big East games period – let alone two in a row – since 2004; it pains me to think of how pitiful we’ve become, though it gives me a little bit of pleasure to see how crappy Michigan’s defense is these days with our former coach as DC). Of course, we also have an opportunity to play like shit and get killed. Personally, I don’t have good vibes about this game, but that could be just because I’ve become accustomed to great disappointment (in both life, and SU sports). But, we’ll see.

I thought Rabbi What’shisface was just kidding when he said Carl Paladino had turned gay, but I’ll be damned – it’s true!

Just days after Republican gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino attacked his Democratic opponent Andrew Cuomo for attending a gay pride parade, his campaign sent out a campaign e-mail that that calls into question Cuomo’s own support for gay rights.

That’s right: Andy isn’t gay enough for Carl. I can’t wait to see Carl in his Speedos and pasties, marching down 5th Avenue next year (actually, that’s a sight I hope never to see).

Oh well, time to go and not get any work done at my new house because they don’t want me to close until there’s six feet of snow on the ground.

Finally, it’s Friday. That’s all I got.

When you first hear Carl Paladino, you might think he’s a divider, not a uniter. But when Carl apologized for his remarks the other day (I’m not sure whether he was apologizing for saying out loud what he believed, or for not believing what he said, but anyway) he did something that brought homophobes like Yehuda Levin and gay people a little bit closer. As for how Levin heard about Carl’s apology, Levin says

…they come running and they say, ‘Paladino became gay!’ I said, ‘What?’ And then they showed me the statement. I almost choked on the kosher salami.”

Don’t worry, Yehuda. I’m sure you’re not the first nice Jewish boy to choke on the old kosher salami, and you won’t be the last, either.

Still working on a closing date, here. Yesterday, they told me all they were waiting for was verification of my employment (this in spite of all the documentation I’d already sent them). They said they called and got voicemail, and the people on my end of the deal called them back and told them where to fax the form. But they didn’t need to fax the form, since they already had all that, they were just checking to see if maybe I quit or got fired in the past 30 days or so. So, I gave them the number to call. They said they couldn’t call that number, because they needed to call the “main” number and ask for an extension. Oy. OK, so call the “main” number and ask for the last 4 digits as an extension. No word on where things stand now, except I figure I’m the only one who’s not making money off this deal, so they can bite me.

Can’t they just close theur eyes and sign off like they do for everybody else?

Oh well, I guess I better get ready to go to work. If they decide to approve this mortgage, I’ll need to pay for it somehow.

Other than watching these miners come up out of that hole in the ground in Chile, there’s not a whole lot going on this morning. While I don’t normally approve of freeloading, I did download and listen to the latest (I think it’s the latest) WTF yesterday. It was the one with Ray Romano and Mike Royce. I couldn’t resist, because not only am I a man of a certain age, but Mike Royce actually went to the same high school I did (though he graduated four years after I did). I was a little disappointed that they didn’t talk about Syracuse, though. I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s the topic everybody out there wanted to hear about. Oh well, maybe next time.

Back to work again today, but not until after a trip to the dentist. It’s a toss-up as to which is worse – work, or the dentist – but at least my dental date is at 8:00. I really hate waiting around to go (it’s kind of like being on death row – except you know a pardon is out of the question), so it’s much better to get it out of the way first thing. Plus I get to stay home a half hour longer. Still, I’m not really looking forward to the pain (aint got time for the pain).

Speaking of pain, here’s something from the “ouch” files.

Virginia Tech left guard Greg Nosal…postpon[ed] the reattachment of a torn-off tip of his left pinkie to keep playing.

…Nosal lost the finger tip when it got caught between two helmets in the first half Saturday against Central Michigan. After a brief search, team doctors found the severed piece inside his glove and determined that it could be reattached.

They gave 6-foot-6, 293-pound reshirt junior the option to do it right then or have the tip put on ice.

He chose going back in the game, received some pain medication and went back in.

The finger tip was reattached in the fourth quarter, after the pain medication had started to wear off and when the Hokies were substituting liberally in a 45-21 victory.

Ouch.

“Hey, where’d your finger go?”

“Beats me, dude. Did you look in my glove?”

“Oh, yeah, there it is. Let me put that sucker on ice for ya.”

A family in the Buffalo area has had a Jesusy painting behind the sofa for 30 years or so. Turns out, it appears to be a lost Michelangelo – worth perhaps as much as $300 million. Damn, that would be nice. Anybody know if da Vinci ever painted dogs playing poker?

Apple has decided to trademark the rather stupid catch phrase, “There’s an App for That.” I’m getting awfully tired of Apple, but, like politics, it’s all about the marketing, and you can’t argue with that. They ought to trademark, “my fucking wireless connection dropped out again” (as the one on my MacBook Pro does constantly – while I’m doing nothing more than sitting in one spot on the couch). Or maybe, “Christ, I’m sick of that stupid spinning pinwheel.” Or how about, “Why doesn’t the stupid red X close the freakin’ program down instead of leaving it running in the background.”

Well, I reckon I’d better go make myself some breakfast so I can hose out my mouth and make it presentable for the dentist.

You may have heard that Bank of America has decided to halt foreclosures in all 50 states (good news for me if I ever close, because that’s who my new mortgage is with – and now I won’t have to bother repaying it). With the revelations of “robo-signing” mortgage documents without review and outright mortgage fraud allegations against financial giants BOA, GMAC, and JP Morgan Chase (including forged documents, fake Social Security numbers, phantom titles, disappearing paper trails, “robo-signers” and mortgages split, combined, and split so many times that nobody can figure out who really owns them), many people – like Debbie Wasserman Schultz – are backing a moratorium on all foreclosures until this mess can be straightened out. Of course, you have the usual suspects defending banks.

The No. 2 House Republican, Rep. Eric Cantor of Virginia, said a national moratorium would remove the protections that lenders need.

“You’re going to shut down the housing industry” with a national stoppage, Cantor said. “People have to take responsibility for themselves.”

Sadly (but not unexpectedly), the list of those defending the banks also includes the White House, with Obama spokesslut David Axelrod declaring the Administration’s opposition to a foreclosure moratorium.

It is a serious problem,” said David Axelrod…. But he added, “I’m not sure about a national moratorium because there are in fact valid foreclosures that probably should go forward”

Of course, the White House knew what these financial institutions were up to and decided to look the other way, so it comes as no surprise they wanna make sure the banks are protected now.

But, hey, at least they’re not Nazi reenactors. I think that’d make for a good 2012 re-election slogan: “Obama: Not a Nazi Reenactor.” They can put it in the rotation with, “Obama: Not as Bad as Bush.”

Speaking of “not a Nazi,” what would Monday be without an entry from the”teabaggers – they say the darndest things” files? Today, it’s Carl Paladino, though I’m not quite sure if it’s what Carl said, what Carl didn’t say, or what Carl says he didn’t say (which, technically, he didn’t – but what he did say wasn’t all that great, either) in front of a group of Hasidic Jews in Brooklyn.

In a version of the speech distributed by a rabbi, the rant went further, charging there is “nothing to be proud of in being a dysfunctional homosexual.”

Paladino, who’s running for governor, winced as he got to this section of the text, and he never spoke the line.
[…]
So Paladino was reading from a speech that was prepared for him by his hosts? Not that pols don’t often solicit and accept quite a bit of input from potential supporters about what they want to hear. But this would seem to take things to a new level entirely.

It leaves me wondering: did Paladino just read the speech cold? He and his campaign had never seen this text before? Or did the campaign in fact approve this text but when it came to that line it was just too much even for Paladino?

Like I said, this version of the story seems even weirder than the original.

[ed.note: It is worth noting explicitly that while this one sentence may have been the stand-out, the gist of the rest of Paladino’s remarks were quite similar, if perhaps not quite as bald.]

Paladino’s remarks also came more or less at the same time that 8 NYC men were being arraigned on charges of torturing three gay people.

Eight gang suspects arrested in the torture of two teenage boys and a man in an anti-gay attack in New York City earlier this month have been arraigned on charges including robbery, assault, sexual abuse and unlawful imprisonment as hate crimes.

Police are looking for a ninth suspect.

Police say the nine members of the Latin King Goonies gang went on a rampage Oct. 3 after hearing a rumor one of their teenage recruits was gay.

They say the gang members invited a man to a house by telling him they were having a party. They say the suspects burned, beat and tortured him for hours and sodomized him with a miniature baseball bat.

Not that Carl would condone such a thing, of course. He’d just be happy to pander to people that would (or at least people that would think it’s funny).

Of course, no Autumn Monday would be complete without a recap of the important stuff that happened in the world of sports (and by important, I of course mean what’s important to me). And it was a pretty good sports weekend at that.

We all know that Syracuse beat South Florida for the first time ever (a fact that truly epitomizes the shame that Greg Robinson brought to the SU football program – and has now brought to Michigan as the Wolverines DC) in Big East play. What we’re unable to fathom is how a school in Tampa can call itself “South” Florida. I’m no expert on the geography of Florida, but, by my reckoning, Tampa isn’t even halfway down. If anything, they ought to be Western Florida or something. Oh well, no point in quibbling.

In the NFL, Washington managed to beat Green Bay in OT, which is a good thing. And the Giants won (easily, even), which is always nice. Sadly, Philly also won, which is too bad, since I Was kind of hoping that they’d never win another game, but that was somewhat mitigated by the fact that Dallas lost (and lost in a marvelously stupid fashion), so that’s good. Oh, and speaking of Carl Paladino, Buffalo was looking good for a while yesterday. And then they lost. Like Carl, the Bills suck.

Hopefully the Jets can win tonight.

No “work” work today, but plenty of work to do around the house while I wait for a closing date, which may or may not come some time this week. Then there’ll be much more work to do over there.

So I guess I better get going.

Too busy basking in the glory of SU’s win over USF yesterday (not exactly a powerhouse, but we’re 4-1 for the first time in the 21st Century, so we’ll take it), so this will have to be a quickie.

Today on Meet the Press, Illinois Senate candidates Alexi Giannoulias (D) and Mark Kirk (R). Plus an annoying roundtable including Peggy Noonan and Joe Klein.

Faze the Nation has David Axelrod and Ed Gilespie.

Fux News Sunday has VA Republican Eric Cantor, Florida Representative Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Nazi Reenactor Karl Rove, and Joe Trippi. Plus the Fuxheads.

On the Goebbels network, “This Weak” with Christiane Amanpour has Senatorial candidates Linda McMahon (WWF) and Richard Blumenthal (D), plus Pervez Musharraf and Christine Lagarde.

At CNN, Fareed Zakaria talks Taliban, Tea Party, unemployment in South Africa, and more.

That’s it. Carry on.

I’ve certainly heard of Civil War reenactors, and I can kind of understand it. I mean, as a kid, I was always interested in the Civil War, for some reason. I even memorized the Gettysburg Address (it’s pretty short, so I’m not patting myself on the back or anything – and I don’t remember it any more, of course, though I can get as far as “…can long endure”). I even saw some woman one time (a psychic or a past-life regressionator or whatever) who worked with people – wrote a book, I think – about people (pretty much guys, I think; women have better things to do with their time) who were driven to reenact Civil War battles because, in a past life, they’d fought there. So, anyway, that I’ve heard of.

What I hadn’t heard of (perhaps I’ve just led a sheltered life) is “Nazi Reenactors.” I mean, don’t get me wrong, Lugers are neat looking (though not terribly reliable, from what I understand, though I know nothing about guns), and the Nazi’s – especially the Gestapo – had the coolest cars (I always liked the one Major Hochstetter had in Hogan’s Heroes), but dressing up like a Nazi on weekends never really occurred to me as a hobby.

But if somebody was gonna be a 21st Century Nazi wannabe, it certainly doesn’t surprise me that it’d be a teabagger from Ohio. And, in fact, that’s exactly what Tea Party (and Republican) candidate (and millionaire, worthy of having his Bush tax cuts extended) for Ohio’s 9th District – Rich Iott – apparently likes to do on the weekends.

Aside from the rather obvious, um, drawbacks of a hobby like that, doesn’t it seem kind of, oh, I dunno, un-American? I mean, I know it was that godless Roosevelt that got us into that war and all (over the objections of brave American heroes like Charles Lindbergh, Henry Ford, and Prescott Bush), but, still. They were the enemy, after all. And – unlike in Iraq – we actually did find some pretty nasty shit when we invaded Germany.

But, to each his own, I guess.