Traveling this week? Congratulations! You may be selected to spend some intimate, quality time with this guy from the TSA (who looks a bit like Markos Moulitsas’ older brother – only not quite as creepy). So if you’ve got a thing for latex gloves, you’re in for a treat. Howie Kurtz says the media (you know, that monster that he, apparently, isn’t a part of) has really blown all this stuff out of proportion, and that 99 percent of travelers have been unaffected by the TSA’s new “grope-a-dope” policy. Let’s see, at roughly 150,000 flights per day, with, oh, I dunno, say an average of 100 people per flight, 1% comes to a mere, what, 1.5 million people getting the rubber glove treatment for the crime of trying to get home to see grandma for the holidays. See? That’s nothing. Hopefully Howie will get to experience the full grope for himself wherever he may go this weekend. As for me, I don’t plan on flying anywhere ever again, anyway. It was way too much of a pain in the ass before. Now? Fuggeduboutit. I’ll go flying on my tractor instead.
My TSA report
Leaving San Francisco last week, early in the morning and not much of a line, I ran my junk (the stuff I was taking in my carry-on) through a scanner and passed the test (me and my junk) through the metal detector. As happens 9 times out of 10 when you are packing titanium on your hip, the alarm was set off and I was asked if I was wearing a belt or had any metal on me or anything left in my pockets. Upon hearing that I had an implant, I was directed to the dreaded nudiefier. I have been getting the frisk since surgery for about 7 years so I was not too upset about the shortcut. I held my hands in the air and since it it was SF, I am sure there was a bar in the Castro receiving a live feed but it was quick and painless, touch-free,
However, at the other side of the machine was a TSA agent holding my ‘personal’ Righteous Babe bag telling me that it would have to be searched. Upon opening the bag and looking at some of the food I had prepared for the trip, we had our a-ha moment when she found my blueberry yogurt with some fresh blubes I had thrown in and said “That’s it!”. I was fully ready to bid them farewell or slurp the whole thing down on the spot or be thrown to the ground. The evil TSA jackboot goon squad fascist bitch said that she had to take it to a supervisor. When she returned, she said that she needed to open up my Ziploc container to do a test so she popped the top. After waving a white slip of paper over the goo, she pronounced it safe to travel and I was on my way after redressing and re-situating my junk. I take back the horrible things that I said about the sweetie.
Yesterday out of Richmond, VA was another matter entirely. I had a late afternoon flight and there were few people in the TSA line which surprised me on the week of Thanksgiving. My cab was late so I arrived at Byrd Field late and was profile-ably sweaty. I had a lot of the same junk but I was also packing some indigenous food like Carolina BBQ and sausage, pimento cheese spread and a country ham sandwich. I had to believe there were some gate closers in the mix but it would be worth the risk. Maybe Arlo could write a song about it.
I approached the first TSA defender, the one who checks your boarding pass against your ID, trying to be friendly and cooperative but that Nazi thug just said everything was in order and let me pass. I mentioned something to him after getting the pass through about the current ‘atmosphere of hate’ and he replied that they were as popular as the IRS these days. I moved on to the abattoir-like screening line and virtually disrobed right out there in the airport, removing my shoes and belt, emptying my pockets and was was struggling to remove my gold crowns when I reached the entry point to inspection and shoved my bin o’ belongings through the scanner along with my two carry-on items into the chute. There was a slight back up so I moved over to the TSA thug at the metal detector and thought I would try to short circuit the repression and obstruction advising him that I was packing titanium. He then said that I would go through the “Hustler” scan instead of the the regular metal machine. About 30 seconds later I was on the other side, temporarily ‘free’ until someone realized that my Southern cuisine in my carry-on was the missing WPD that would somehow be mixed and concocted passing through O’Hare to cause maximum destruction. Meanwhile, for the first time in a long time, I was standing at the other end of the line waiting for my junk instead of it waiting for me being patted down. It finally came out without challenge (and that should scare all of us) so I gathered my junk and snuck away.
These TSA people were nothing but nice and friendly doing their job. Of course, they are gubment byoorocratic scum so they must be demonized. I tried to be very nice and complimentary because you can tell that they are standing there doing what they are supposed to and there is probably a red ass or 20 coming through every hour giving them a hard time with no reason. I know that there are health concerns with the x-rays as there are with the smuggled country ham salad sandwich that I just inhaled but It sure works for me. These stupid phony modesty issues are just more teabaggery garbage, fluffing up bogus issues. I really wish there could be more attention paid to all privacy invasions that have come out of this ‘War on Terror”. I do think there should be some questions about the frisk searching and all TSA policies as well as a comprehensive study on this level of security but ultimately it would be nice if the whole thing turned back on the fear hype that has lead to all of this. The fear freaks gin up this whole security thing but when one of thems is not at the helm, oh, the horror and indignity!
Don’t even get me started on the taxi.
I don’t for a moment blame the people doing their jobs. I blame the fear mongers and the people who want 100% guaranteed security with no lines and no inconveniences. The same people who want no taxes, more prisons, more war, and balanced budgets.
I only pray that I won’t need to fly in a commercial airliner ever again. Since I never go anywhere, can’t afford to go anywhere, and will never again volunteer to go anywhere farther than Cleveland (or DC) for my job, that shouldn’t be a problem.
eya gang!
both lenses in now, healing nice. hard to read up close til i get sime better reading glasses, hard to type too heh!
nice clear long range vision though even better to come
Congrats on the new eyeballs. Glad it all worked out for ya.
sj, sounds great to be able to see and to look forward to even greater improvement. enjoy!