And so, another year winds down. This year kind sucked in a lot of ways, though, as most years do, it had a couple of good moments. Mostly, it’s good to get it over with, I guess (other than being that much closer to death, of course – but then I tend to look on the bright side most of time). Yesterday was one of those bright moments. Not only did SU go to a bowl game for the first time since 2004, and win a bowl game (and have a winning season and at least eight wins) for the first time since 2001, but they were actually fun to watch in the most entertaining bowl game of the season so far, racking up almost 500 yards of offense, and scoring 22 points in the second half of a “shootout” type of game to win by two points. This, for an offense that has pretty much sucked and was boring to watch all year, even when it won. So that was a pleasant surprise. Now we can fully devote our attention to basketball. Notre Dame tomorrow in the Dome. And I hate Notre Dame (quite possibly even more than I hate Georgetown, though that’s a tough call).

This is the sixth New Year’s Eve that this place has been around (I know – pretty hard to believe), and if you’ve been around here all that time, you probably know that our family tradition is to watch the Twilight Zone Marathon on what, as part of the dumbing down of America, they now call the SyFy channel. It commences at 8AM eastern with “Perchance To Dream” and wraps up with “The Last Rights Of Jeff Myrtlebank” on Sunday morning at 5:30.

Our little tradition started on New Year’s Eve, 1998, and this year, we’re kind of coming full circle. It was back in August ’98 that I got off dialup, and got RoadRunner. Back then, they didn’t have these cheap SOHO routers for sharing your Internet connection, and I’d been using one of my computers to share my dial-up connection with the other computers in the house (if somebody tried to load a web page, my computer in the basement would automatically dial out). When they installed RoadRunner, my plan was to continue with that – except I’d need to install 2 NICs in the computer. The installation tech assured me that was just not possible, and I said “ok” and then went ahead and did it as soon as he left. It was, of course, quite possible. But anyways…

I’d moved into my wife’s house, and she only had crappy basic cable back then. No Sci Fi channel (very few channels at all, really, and one crappy little TV the size of a postage stamp without surround sound or anything; I shudder to think of those days, though I upgraded the equipment, at least, when I got there). Anyhow, the cable signal was really crappy, and the tech guy (different tech; back then, it took two installers, believe it or not) had to go out on the pole and remove an old trap that was used to limit us to basic cable. He informed me that I’d be getting all the channels for a day or two, until they came out and replaced the trap.

I was sad, of course, but figured I could live with it. That year, by the way, SU finished with eight wins (going 8-4, losing to Florida in the Orange Bowl on Jan 2, 1999).

So, fast forward to the afternoon of New Year’s Eve in the year 2000 (that was the one after the world was gonna come to and end because computers would think it was the year 1900, and when Bill Clinton was quietly keeping America safe from the terrorists, unlike his successor, who, about 9 months later, would sit on his ass in Florida while the Twin Towers fell).

Back on 12/31/2000, I was off from work (things were more civilized back then), and we were watching the TZ Marathon as we had been for the past couple of years, when suddenly the door bell rang. It was a cable dude, informing me that he needed to put a trap on the cable line, because we were getting all the channels.

And so, just like that, no more Twilight Zone. Bummer.

The thought of life w/ basic cable was rather sobering (which is no way to go through New Year’s Eve), so the next day I went to Best Buy and got a DirecTV package, which was installed a couple of days later. So, on New Year’s Eve 2001, the tradition continued.

DirecTV had gotten to kind of suck in a lot of ways over the years, and so, when we moved out here this yesr, I decided to dump them and go with cable again. So, here we are, ready for the Marathon, and with SU winning eight games once again.

In 1998, basic analog cable was about 8 bucks a month. Now, for digital “surf and view” with HBO and DVR, I pay, well, I’d just as soon not think about what I pay. Let’s just say it’s more than $8. But then gas was about a buck a gallon back then, too.

Even worse, I have to go to f*ckin’ work today.

Have a good day, and whatever y’all do to ring in the new year tonight, stay safe and happy.

It’s not often I agree with that pissy little bitch (credit to Andy Sipowicz for that phrase) Fucker Carlson, but I find it hard to disagree with his assertion that Michael Vick should have been executed for his crimes against Caninity. Of course, the Tuckster’s motivation was no doubt that he wanted to diss Obama, but still. I’m not ordinarily one to embrace the death penalty, but in this case, well….

The week (and the year) are winding down, and the end is finally in sight. Today, of course, is the day that college football fans (nay, all real Americans) have been waiting for: the inaugural New Era Pinstripe Bowl – “New Era” (which turns out to be the maker of hats or something; I thought it was laundry detergent) being the sponsor, and pinstripes being for the Yankees, at whose stadium the game is taking place. A football game between two 7-5 teams on the final Thursday in December in the Bronx (outdoors) at 3:30PM Eastern time? It doesn’t get more prestigious than that. Of course, for Syracuse fans, this is actually a pretty good deal. Someplace warm might sound nice, but, being about a 4-5 hour ride away by car, this is a day trip for the folks up here, or they can take a long New Year’s weekend in New York.

And, unlike most of NYC, Yankee Stadium had actually been plowed out for the game.

I’ll be recording the game because I have to work today. The last time I had to work during an SU bowl game was way back on January 1, 1988, when undefeated Syracuse took on Auburn in the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans. I was running movies at the time, and brought a TV to work so I could watch in my office.

You no doubt recall that, with 4 seconds remaining and SU leading 16-13, Auburn – which had marched down the field and had the ball on the Syracuse 13 yard line – had time for one final play. And in perhaps the biggest wuss move in the history of college football, Pat Dye decided to kick a field goal and tie the game. A tie, in a bowl game, fer chrissakes. This was, I might add, back before there was such a thing as overtime in college football.

Pat Dye will forever be known as a coward and a schmuck up here in these parts, and his behavior explains why the South lost the Civil War. Apparently they were playing for a tie.

Anyhow, thanks to OT and the fact that neither Syracuse nor its opponent, Kansas State, are from south of the Mason-Dixon line (love that song, BTW), there will be no ties today. Actually, Syracuse is more likely to get killed, what with a vast number of its players missing from an already decimated lineup. We may have to go old school and have some of these kids play both ways today.

But, hey. We’re in a bowl game again, which is something that seemed would never happen again after the 5 year reign of the previous coach, whose name we do not speak up here.

First, though, there’s business to attend to today. It all starts with a trip to get the car inspected. As far as I know, there are no problems with it (new tires, new wiper blades, brakes should be good), but it’s just a hassle dealing with it. I’d blow it off until next month, but we’re at the end of the year here, so it’s a whole new color sticker, and hard to hide (especially now that I drive a million miles a week).

Oh well, off I go. Yesterday was almost unbearably slow – I hope today goes a bit quicker.

Golly, NYC sure knows how to whine about a little snow. The storm’s been over for, what, like two days now, and they still haven’t got their act together? Well, it’s no wonder, I guess, seeing as they apparently don’t know how to use a front end loader (by the way, is that a Kubota?). :kub:

I mean, a tow truck? Look, the beauty of having that bucket on the front end is that you drop the bucket and use it to push your front end up and off the ground, and then scooch the whole thing back (haven’t got much experience with it myself, but have had to perform that particular maneuver on more than one occasion, having buried my tractor up above the hood in snow many times already). Kinda like an inch worm. Short of being buried halfway up in mud, you can extricate yourself out of pretty much anything. Especially a little bit of snow on pavement.

Looks like he doesn’t have any tire chains, either (mayor Bloomie might want to buy a set for all the City’s snow removal equipment; they aint cheap, but they’re a helluva lot cheaper than an SUV, and he can take the money out of the school budget or something). Silly city slickers. Let’s just hope they get everything cleared up before tomorrow’s Pinstripe Bowl (aka, the unofficial National Championship game).

I dunno about you all, but I’ve been having a pretty tough time getting through the days at work this week. More than usual, even with the added boost of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee (which isn’t bad, but, as the chick behind the counter informed me yesterday, the travel mug they sold me “sucks” because you have to really wank the lid on to prevent it from leaking – tough enough for a manly fella like myself, but for a young DD counter babe, pretty close to impossible). It’s even more difficult to get the damn lid back off again (nothing to grab on to; it should be a hex head so you can get a wrench on it). Oh well, only another $13 worth left on the two cards, and then I can be done with it (at $2.01 for a refill, that won’t take long – and I damn sure aint gonna shell out that kinda jack for a cup of coffee on my own dime). I’ll miss it though.

I should buy Fair Trade coffee, of course. And I do get it every once in a while in order to assuage my liberal guilt, but, well, it’s just too goddamn expensive. A shame that those who could easily afford it are getting huge tax cuts that they’re no doubt spending on coffee that comes from Civet shit, while a sensitive liberal such as myself is on an Eight O’Clock kinda budget (I really should be getting Paul deLima; not only is it local – well, as local to Syracuse as coffee can get; they roast it here – but the current deLima is a graduate of the SU Law School, they sell Fair Trade products, and have windmills and a solar farm to generate the electricity for roasting the beans and running the plant).

But we’re only allowed to drink Hazelnut coffee here – which, surprisingly, I’ve become quite accustomed to over the past 14 years or so and am now hooked on – and Paul only sells that as a grounded blend. And we prefer to grind our own around here.

Speaking of which, our grinder is showing signs of crapping out. It’s always kind of sucked, but I was looking for a a conical burr grinder, and this was the only one I could find locally that was under a million dollars (in fact, it was on sale for like $30). Can anybody recommend a replacement? We’re not talkin’ gourmet here – just your basic drip coffee maker.

I’d like to get a hand grinder (way back during the great Labor Day Storm of ’98, we had no power for two weeks, and I had to grind coffee with a mortar and pestle, which got old in a hurry. Not that I’m anticipating 2 weeks w/o power – I hope – but I like the idea of not using electricity if I can do it myself; I guess I’ve got a little Ed Begley in me), but they get mixed reviews and I’m not sure how much effort is required (I mean, a little Ed Begley is one thing, but if it turns out to be a real hassle, then f*ck it – hook me up to the grid). And these damn things – whether hand or electric – are awfully expensive. Problem is, you read the reviews for things, and you don’t know what the hell to think.

Do they make a PTO-driven one I can hook up to the tractor?

Oh well, I reckon it’s about time to set things in motion to try and force myself through another day. I want more coffee, but I’ve already gone over my daily ration, and I hate to empty the pot entirely. But I might just have to – and then make another pot, lest I suffer the wrath of my wife. But then she won’t drink it all, and we’ll be half a pot off, and, oh, it just gets really complicated at that point. I suppose I could make half a pot. Never tried that before.

Oh well, at least I don’t have to plow the driveway.

Well, looks like the big NE snow storm is over. If you got caught up in it, I hope you emerged unscathed and can get where you were going. There are still delays and canceled flights at Boston, JFK and Newark as airlines try and catch up (I guess they don’t have the world’s largest snow plow, the way some of us do; and it’s orange, too, I might add). On the plus side, business at the Holiday Inn Express at the Syracuse airport is booming. Didn’t look like all that much snow to me, but then of course you can’t really tell unless you’re out there in it; video and pictures just don’t do it justice. Nothing here but a lot of wind and cold, and it’s actually supposed to be relatively warm (though still windy) today.

No snow is good snow, though I’m a bit disappointed that, barring another six inches or so between now and midnight Friday night, it looks like we won’t set the local record for the snowiest month ever. Oh well, better luck in January, I guess.

Much as it sucks to have to go to work this week, the commute has been great with at least half the cars off the road (that is, not traveling, as opposed to off in the ditch; for some reason, when there are cars off in the ditch, people seem compelled to slow down and look at them. “Hey, ma, lookee there! A gosh darn car in the dang old ditch! There’s sumpin’ ya don’t see ever’ day. Get a pitcher wit yer walkie-talkie phone so’s we can show the young’uns).

Yesterday was a pretty exciting day for me. I got a $10 Dunkin’ Donuts gift card back in June or so, for my 20 years of service to my employer (50¢ a year – not bad, especially since I actually had an eight-year gap in there. Just don’t tell anyone), that I haven’t actually used (I mean, I was living 2 minutes from work before, and while there was a DD nearby, it was farther from work than home, and in the opposite direction, so I didn’t see the point). But now I’m, like, 25 miles from work, and there happens to be one right on the way.

I’ve driven past it for a while, but always passed up the opportunity to stop in (because it also happens to be near the County Sheriff, and a Dunkin’ Donuts to cops is like shit to flies – note to my friends in law enforcement: I kid!).

Anyhow, yesterday it looked pretty empty and I was out and about a little early, so I figured what the hell. I went inside and got a nice stainless travel mug for $3.99 – and the coffee was free! On top of already being free, what with the gift card, and all.

My only question is, now that I have the mug, can I use the drive through? Or must I go inside. I hate to throw a monkey wrench into the drive through process by asking for something special (plus, I have no idea what size it’s considered), but then I don’t really like going inside and having to talk to humans in person, either (though they apparently staff the place with cute young girls – probably from the nearby Community College – so that’s a plus, except for the fact that they remind me that they’re young and vital and have their whole lives in front of them, and I’m, well, none of the above – not to mention invisible to them).

See, this is why I hadn’t used the damn card before. If I could just order it online and pick it up, I’d be all set. Even worse, somebody gave me another $10 gift card for Xmas.

Oh well, I guess I have a couple of hours to figure it all out.

It’s a little chilly out there this morning, but, otherwise, there’s no weather of note. Here. Things are a bit different in other places, and we’re trying not to smirk too much as we’re just happy spectators for this event that seems to be making its way up the East Coast. The snow is only soreading as far west as Albany, give or take, and here we’re mostly supposed to get some wind (which kinda sucks, ‘cuz it’s already cold enough out – I seem to have turned into a wimp as I silde downhill into my golden years, and 10 degrees with 15-35 MPH wind makes my old bones ache), but Philly, NYC, and other cities up the coast and into New England are experiencing (or expecting to experience) blizzard conditions. Planes, trains, and buses all appear to be grounded (well, trains and buses are always – hopefully – grounded, but you know what I mean), and we have lots of unintentional tourists who couldn’t land in other places, and got diverted here. Lucky them.

The type of wind and snow they’re predicting for these areas would mean we’d all have to get up an hour earlier up here to clear our driveways, but these poor folks have neither the “snow legs” nor the infrastructure to deal with all this – and way too many people (at times like these, there’s a lot to be said for living where there are only a couple of barns and a few cows to watch out for – though those Holsteins can be hard to spot in a blizzard). My apologies to you city folks who don’t know a Holstein from a Guernsey – let alone Black Angus, who is not, incidentally, the child of whom they never speak in the MacFarquhar household – but I guess you can google that if you actually care. I mean, it’s not like you’re going anywhere ’til the snow thaws. Anyhow, I know socialism is bad and all, but up here we have to admit that those socialist snowplows (yep, they even fly the hammer and sickle) come in mighty handy at times like these (even if rich people and teabaggers think somebody else ought to pay for them).

Oh, I bet even Ed Koch would be happy to have a 4WD pickup truck to drive to Sears in right about now.

Speaking of paying for the snowplows and 4WD vehicles, it’s back to work today. I hope things are quiet, because not only do I have on-call support duty, but everybody in my group is out today except for one other person, who sent an e-mail last night that he’s taking today off, too. So, I reckon it’s just me today. And I am not in the mood to deal with much.

If you thought the onslaught of Xmas shopping and “big sale” events would end on Saturday, you’d be wrong. I continue to receive tons of “best sale ever” e-mails. Buy.com, for example, tells me that they have a Brother Labeler for only $15.99. Now, don’t the brothers have enough trouble without people trying to label them?

Fortunately, there’s a story of true love in the news this morning, and it’s enough to melt even the frostiest of hearts on this cold winter day. Yes, Hugh Hefner has given a ring to his 23-yr old girlfriend (whose name doesn’t really matter, does it?). They haven’t set a date for the wedding yet (better make it soon, honey), but it should be a grand affair. Nothing chokes me up and brings a tear to my eye like seeing two kids in love. :love:

Finally, Happy 88th Birthday to Vernon’s dad (at least, I assume that’s who gave Vernon his name). At 88, Vernon’s dad is only 4 years older than Hef, so I think Vernon ought to be a good son, and get his dad a 27-yr old playmate for his birthday. In fact, there’s probably a post-Christmas sale (2-for-1, maybe?), so Vernon might as well pick up one for himself, too.

OK, well, that’s over. A fairly pleasant one, all things considered, though I find it terribly annoying that the day after turns out to be just another Sunday where I have to do laundry and try not to think about having to go back to work tomorrow. Such is life, I suppose. Hopefully it’ll warm up a bit today (not much, they say, but better than the 10 or so degrees it is outside right now, at least), since I should probably go out there and scrape down the driveway a bit, and I have to do all the Sunday supply shopping. By this time next week (well, not exactly this particular time, but next Sunday), it’s supposed to hit 50° (at least until they change their minds, and it turns out not to be so). Even better news is that, apart from a few snow fluffies here and there, this big storm that’s currently sweeping across the South and getting ready to turn up the coast is supposed to stay far enough east to keep us from getting dumped on here.

Not so lucky in other places, apparently. From what they say, NYC is looking at 11-16″ of snow (an irritant here, but a crippling even down there, I imagine; get ready for a few snow days), and New England seems to be about to take a major dumping. Well, sorry for you all, but not terribly disappointed to be missing out on the fun here.

Anyhow, I hope you’re all sleeping off you post-holiday hangovers. The dog decided to get me up at what’s become my usual time (this would have been a rare day where I’d have been willing to sleep in a bit), and now of course he’s gone back to bed. It gave me time to watch the Doctor Who ‘A Christmas Carol’ special from last night, at least. Best Xmas show of the season.

It’s getting late. Guess I’d better get moving.

Despite the fact that Christmas on Saturday sucks, and also despite the fact that there are no Santa signs about the house this morning (other than some rather large, unexplained, droppings in the front lawn) – looks like I shut the pellet stove down for nothing – Merry Christmas to everybody who does that sort of thing. To those that don’t, enjoy the Chinese food.

Yes, the eve everyone the world over has been waiting for (except for the vast majority of humans who aren’t Christian, but, let’s face it, they don’t really count; hell, most of them aren’t even white. Of course, neither was Jesus, but I digress) is nigh. Everyone who’s anyone has today off, so it should be an easy commute for the losers among us (Granny and me, for example) who have to go to work. I, however, am determined to leave work early. In fact, the only reason I’m going in to work today is so that I can leave early and finish my Christmas shopping (which means filling up my gas tank and buying enough food to get me through ’til Monday – and if I’m feeling really motivated, I’ll go and get some lumber from Home Depot, but probably not; I’ll wait and see if there’s a huge sale on it come Sunday). Well, that ans water my office plants. To all those who may have been hoping for a gift (or even a card) from me, all I can say is, “you shoulda known better.”

Other than an always convenient excuse for the government to issue terrorist attack warnings, Christmas to me is just a reminder that my parents are long dead and buried. Ho, ho, ho.

However, it’s not too late to turn me into a true believer. That’s right, Santa, I’m talkin’ to you. If Natalie Wood could get a replacement dad and a new house, I ought to be able to get a little something, too.

For the first time in 14 years, I actually live in a home with chimneys and fireplaces, so I’m pulling my wool socks out of the hamper and hanging them up (my apologies for not having had a chance to wash them), and putting together a list of things old Saint Nick needs to pile up under the tree tonight as I sleep (though without visions of sugar plums dancing in my head, mostly ‘cuz I have no idea what sugar plums are, though I assume it would be unpleasant to get kicked in them).

In the past, I’d have asked for peace on Earth, universal health care, feed the poor, knead the kneady, and all that other liberal claptrap, but it’s a new f*cking world, Santa-baby, and from now on, it’s gonna be all about me, me, me.

Anyhow, Santa, if you want me running around town slobbering about Merry Christmas and sending the biggest frickin’ goose you got over to the Cratchit’s and whatnot, here’s what you’ll have to pony up with tonight (and I get up early, so better hit my house as close to midnight as you can manage).

1. A tree. We don’t have one, so that’s the first thing you’ll be needing to drop off. Don’t be killing a live one, either; some nice fold-up, pre-decorated, fiber-optic, easy to store job would be best. And if you’re not bringing anything else, you can forget this, too. Nothing more pathetic than a Christmas tree with nothing underneath it put a pile of feline yule logs and tinsel-laden cat puke.
2. Clamp on bucket forks for the tractor. They don’t need to be Kubota orange, but that’d be a nice touch. Light-duty ones are fine.
3. A three-point quick-hitch. I only have a couple of 3PH implements (more on that later), but they’re a pain to get on and off, so this would be nice.
4. A backhoe for my tractor. If you wanna spring for an official Kubota one, go for it. Otherwise, this Woods BH6000 will do nicely. Just don’t forget I’ll be needing the rear remotes. Don’t just leave this under the tree, either; better go ahead and have it installed for me. Oh, and let’s go ahead and get the 9, 12, and 16 inch buckets while we’re at it. I probably don’t need ’em all, but you never know.
5. Implements. I don’t wanna get greedy, so here are just a few ideas. No need to get them all (unless you want to; I really have been a very good boy this year). Oh, and make sure they’re all Cat 1 (limited Cat 1 if you have the choice). Let’s see… a PTO driven generator, a PTO chipper/shredder, tiller (get the kind with a slip clutch, not the shear pin – who wants to keep replacing shear pins?), a rear snow blower, um, let’s see…. Well, just go ahead and surprise me. You really can’t go wrong in this category.
6. Stocking Stuffers. Just a few little odds and ends if you have room in the sleigh. A ROPS-mounted work light (magentic is fine), wheel spacers (front and back), tire chains for the front, a set of ag and/or industrial tires (mounted on rims, please – and loaded), a couple cans of Kubota Orange spray paint, and, oh well, use your best judgment. If it fits my tractor, you can’t go wrong. Home Depot gift cards are always good, too
7. A puppy. Some poor, unwanted mutt who needs a good home.

And, oh, what the hell. How about bringing peace on Earth, good will toward men, women, & animals, make it so nobody in the word has to be hungry, sick, ashamed of who they are (or what they prefer to stick their stuff into, or what stuff they prefer to have stuck into them), or alone ever again, bring our boys (and girls, and Mike and Carlos) back home safe where they belong, and show the evil, greedy fuckers of the world like Dick Cheney the error of their ways.

In fact, do that last shit, and you can skip all the other stuff on my list (except maybe the puppy).

Once a liberal, always a liberal, I guess.

Happy Xmas (or whatever it is you celebrate at your place) to you and your family. I hope it’s a good one, without any fear.

Everywhere I look, I see how President Obama closed out 2010 with a flurry of legislative victories. Good for him. DADT was repealed, and this, I guess, was all thinks to him. Although, to an ignorant sap such as myself, it really seemed he could have done much more (and much more quickly), it passed. So we’ll give him that one. Also the SALT treaty was ratified in the Senate. That’s another good thing, too. I guess. Not sure my life will be any different (will this save me money or anything?), but less nukes (assuming this will actually result in less nukes) in the world is a good thing. So that’s, um, good. And, let’s see, I think there was something else in there, too. Puppies? No, that wasn’t it. Oh, that’s right, the 9/11 first responders thing. Two-thirds of the funding was gutted (thanks to those deficit hawks), but four billion dollars is a fair chunk of change.

Hopefully the people that deserve it won’t have to jump through too many hoops to the health care they need. I’m assuming there are some sort of death panels involved, what with it basically being socialized medicine and all, but, well, most of your first responder types are socialists (socialist fire fighters, socialist cops, socialist EMTs, etc.). Except for Gudy Ruiliani, who, as I recall, single-handedly lifted up I-beams and chunks of concrete to free trapped civilians (poor man had all the hair burned off his head in the process, too – and I think he had a piece of debris whack him in the mouth, ‘cuz it looks a little funky and he kinda talks like Sylvester the cat now). All in a day’s work for America’s brave, cross-dressing, adulterous mayor.

So, anyway, woo-hoo to the Prez. Enjoy your vacation in Hawaii. You’ve earned it (heck, I hope you even get lei’d). Personally, I don’t think I’ll be able to take any time off (deadlines coming up, I’ve got the support duty all next week, and everybody else is pretty much out of the office ’til 2011, so I’m stuck with anything that comes up), and, in fact, with Xmas being on Saturday, I won’t even get an extra day off for that.

Of course, Saturday is all shot to hell, because not only will I be forced to throw away several hours of my life “celebrating” (aka, trying not to talk politics while explaining ad nauseum that, no, I don’t want to eat cookies or potatoes or whatever), but I can’t even run to Home Depot in the morning to get shit. And I haven’t had the energy to fight through the throngs of humanity this week to get shit during lunch, either.

With all the septic issues, you wouldn’t think I’d need any more shit, but that’s one of those paradox thingies. Shit is something I have both too much and not enough of at the same time. Go figure. I think it’s a Heisenberg corollary or something – you can know where shit is, or you can know how fast it’s going, but if you know both where it is and how fast it’s going, it’s probably because it’s coming up out of the drain.

Not that I don’t love this time of year, mind you. I love Christmas, and practically shit candy canes from Halloween right through ’til Ground Hog Day (which is slightly painful – but colorful, and a joyous little surprise when you’re opening up the septic line cleanout). :santacool:

I guess it’s the people I love most. Oh, I love the waste of money in the pursuit of unbounded consumerism, of course. And the music. Just can’t get enough of the music (Pomplamoose. I love me some Pomplamoose). And the fact that it’s always fucking dark – dark when I get up, and dark when I get out of work (cold, too). But for me, the holiday season is all about the people.

People picking their noses as they sit slack-jawed and drooling at green lights (hell, I don’t wanna get home anytime soon anyway – “life’s too long, Sonny Jim,” that’s what my ma always said. Until she died). People cutting me off in trafftic as they careen merrily with cell phones jammed deeply into their ears. People holding reunions and hugfests in the entrances (and the aisles) of the grocery store, joyfully oblivious to the fact that, no, they aren’t the only (or at least the most important) humans on the planet. People dragging their screaming kids around, letting them run freely through the aisles, getting in my way and knocking shit over.

I guess I’m just a people person. Ask my wife, she’ll tell ya.

Jesus must be so gosh darned proud of himself (and grateful to his dad) for having had the honor of dying a slow, painful death for these wonderful people. They were so worth it, Jesus!

:jesus:

Soon, though, it’ll all be over. So take a tip from me, and enjoy it while you can. ‘Cuz Christmas season only lasts about six months out of the year.

Much as it pains me to say it, congratulations to the UCONN womens’ basketball team on their 89th straight win. That, of course, breaks John Wooden’s legendary record of 88 straight at UCLA. They haven’t lost since the Final Four in 2008 (and they only lost 2 games that year). Now let’s hope the SU women kick their asses in February (though the Orange women got their own asses handed to them last night by Baylor down in the Bahamas).

I saw an AP story this morning about how Americans have become resigned, compliant sheep when it comes to airport security screening. Not that there’s much of a choice, I guess (except to not go anywhere, which is my solution). So, congrats, America (and to help you along during this holiday travel season, the Huff Post has 10 airport securoty tips to move you along smoothly – I didn’t read them, but I’m assuming they include packing a personal less-than-four-ounce supply of KY Jelly in a clear plastic baggie). Soon you’ll be happily carrying your national ID cards, gladly presenting (without objection) your papers to any minimum wage, officious prick wearing a mall cop uniform, cheerfully submitting to retina scans, and dutifully reporting your suspicious-looking neighbor with the funny accent and/or long hair.

Your government commends you, Citizen!

Not feeling particularly compliant? Well, the Obama Administration is drafting an executive order that will allow traitors like you to be “detained” forever without trial. Oh, not to worry, though: they’ll be doing a periodic review of the secret “evidence” they have against you, and if it turns out you’re innocent, you’ll be among the first to know (at least until we get a Republican in office, who’ll tighten up this namby-pamby liberal nonsense).

Okat, you must be so proud (as usual) of your Senator, Tom Coburn. Oh, excuse me, that’s Doctor Senator Tom Coburn.

Larry David is quite happy that the Bush tax cuts have been extended for another two years. Can’t say as I blame him. But shouldn’t we call them the “Obama tax cuts” now?

I have no idea who Ryan Reynolds is, but apparently he’s married (though not for much longer) to Scarlett Johansson, and is complaining that she “treated him badly” by not making him a priority. Hey, Ryan, did you get laid? ‘Cuz if you did, then boo-fuckin’-hoo for you. Scarlett should treat me so badly. Now move along, please.

Julian Assange is a bit peeved with The Guardian. Seems he’s unhappy that they’ve published details that have been leaked about his rather – how shall I put it – coincidental legal issues back in Sweden (I hope that using the word “coincidental” doesn’t get me on the shitlist with Michael Moore; pondering whether or not there’s just a slight aroma of bullshit surrounding these allegations apparently makes you “pro-rape”).

Anyhow, Assange a victim of leaks to the media. Somewhat ironic, no?

Speaking of Sweden, Swedish medical students got a bit of a surprise when they performed an autopsy the other day – the subject was their former professor (it doesn’t say in the story, but presumably he was already dead, or it woulda been really awkward). Well, that’s life kids. It aint all Abba and over-priced firniture out there. And, difficult as it may have been for you, at least you were on the right end of the skull chisel.

Speaking of dead stuff, does it seem like everybody’s frickin’ dying on us here, or what? Steve Landesberg, Leslie Nielsen, democracy…. Now I know how my parents felt when they were past the half century mark, and the Jack Bennys and Jim Jordans of the world were kicking off (oh, you younger folks don’t understand now, but some day – sooner than you think – you will, and then you’ll remember…well, actually you won’t remember shit, ‘cuz you’ll be old and feeble-minded and too busy trying to find your goddamn keys that you left right over… oh, there they are).

Of course, it’s more than just lamenting the loss of a celebrity. It’s the knowledge that, with them gone, it’s your turn to be stalked by Death. :reaper:

And, really, isn’t that what the holiday season is all about?

Oh well, speaking of walking death, time to get ready to walk through another day of work.

You folks out West stay safe and dry, OK?