Every once in a while, you see a dead bird lying dead on the side of the road for no apparent reason. This is a big deal when we have our West Nile Virus scares around here (don’t be picking up the dead crows and making soup out of ’em), and it’s always kinda creepy. But when the birds start falling out of the sky by the hundreds – thousands, even – that’s beyond creepy. A portent of the end times, perhaps? Is this what we have to look forward to in the lead-up to 12/21/2012? Dead birds, locusts, tap water that ignites, Republicans in control of all three branches of government? Sounds pretty horrible.

Of course the “government” wants to keep us in the dark and has an excuse for everything. In the case of the giant bird kill in Arkansas, they say a fireworks celebration killed some 3,000 birds (who got all shook up from the boom-booms, and started flying into things). Funny how I never heard of that happening before, what with there being fireworks every July 4th – among other occasions – for my whole life. Maybe that’s ‘cuz fireworks typically happen a night, and birds (the non-night hunter ones, anyway) don’t really do a lot of flying at night (so they don’t fly into shit)?

Now the demise of a few hundred birds in Louisiana is being blamed on power lines. Presumably, from flying into them and breaking their backs, wings, and beaks. Because power lines are such a new invention and all, and we’ve just never heard of that before.

The next thing you know, they’ll be telling us that those trails that jets leave across the sky are condensation, and that the Twin Towers fell because airplanes flew into them. Puh-leeze. You expect me to fall for that?

We know that the world as we know it is about to wrap it up, partly because the Mayan calendar ends (not that they made any kind of a notation or anything; you’d think the end of times would at least rate the Mayan equivalent of an asterisk or something), but because some guy has a website with painfully small font mixing sciencey sounding terms like “quantum” and “electrogravitational symmetry” with cool pictures that says so. And that’s good enough for me.

“Officials” go on to say that

…massive wildlife kills are not uncommon.

Well, that’s reassuring.

I just wish I could know for sure that everything’s gonna be over in less than two years. Then I’d just max out my credit cards and enjoy myself for a couple of years.

But the government wants to make sure we keep working and paying our taxes so that the elite can continue to build their underground bunkers where they’ll ride out the coming global super storm with their master – Dick Cheney.

So I guess I better get going.