Finally, it’s here. The day the whole world has been waiting for. A day of celebration. A day that epitomizes everything “American.” A day that, really, gives meaning to our pitiful existence on this planet, and reckons back to a better time, when men were men, women were women, and Presidents were white (and dumb). Yes that’s right, today is Ronald Reagan’s 100th birthday.

From what I understand, Peggy Noonan has secretly had the Gipper exhumed, and will be spending the day bent over his open casket, fellating the shriveled husk of his once great member. Ronnie, we miss you and your jelly beans, and your open mic radio address hi-jinx.

Oh, yeah, and today is also Super Bowl XLV (pronounced, “Slev”).

Personally, I don’t think I could care less about the Super Bowl. If somebody I truly despised (like Dallas or the Eagles or something) was in it, or if there was an old AFL team playing, then it would be easy. Though some may call me stubborn (and I admit it’s a bit of a longshot), I think I’ll still have to root for the Jets.

I suppose for proximity’s sake, I could go with Pittsburgh. And Ben Roethlisberger looks kinda like Will Farrell, and I like Will Farrell. Then again, the guy who was the father on the Wonder Years just played Vince Lombardi on a thing on HBO that I didn’t actually watch. And I liked the Wonder Years (speaking of the Jets). And Ernest Borgnine once played Lombardi, and who doesn’t like Ernest Borgnine?

So I guess it’s a toss-up. And, as I get up at about 4AM these days, the odds of me staying up late enough to see what washed-up has-beens are performing at halftime this year (let alone the end of the game) are pretty low anyway (if I were you, I’d bet the ‘under’ on that one).

You may be surprised to hear that is snowed here last night. Yes, it’s true. In fact, by the looks of things, I’d say we got at least 12″ (maybe more like 18″) at my house, which fell on top of the freezing rain we had. This was rather unexpected, and I reckon I’d better get out there and clean things up before this balmy upper-twenties weather turns cold and down to single digits later on this week.

But not just yet. I think I need more coffee first.