I succumbed to the media-induced paranoia yesterday, worried incessantly about roof-collapse all the way into work, and more or less turned around and came back home, spending the day trying to reduce the snow load. I didn’t come close to clearing it all (if you look at the roof, you’d think I put a fairly good dent in it, but if you look at the massive pile of snow on the ground across the back of the house – a good four feet high and three feet wide – that the dogs now have to traverse to get out and take a crap – you’d have a better appreciation for how much came down, and how much more there is to go), but am pretty confident that I at least reduced the snow load by about 10 tons or so. Maybe more (I hope).

There was easily an average of 3 feet of snow up there (probably more – there was no point less than 2 feet), with upwards of 5 or 6 feet in most spots). I mean, even give the pitch of the roof, it was way over my head in spots. And it was all very heavy, very wet, and very packed snow. I did the math as I was shoveling (in between trying not to slide off), and at even a moisture content of 10%, I figured a minimum of 62,000 pounds. At 30% (which is probably more likely), you’re up over 90 tons of snow.

Homes around here are supposed to be engineered to 55 pounds per square foot, so we’re pushing the limits here (even if it was actually engineered and built properly, and who the hell knows about that?).

In an effort to try and forestall a heart attack, I kept my self on a strict three-shovel break schedule. That is, I brought three shovels up on the roof with me, and after I dropped the third on over the edge, it was time for a break. Unfortunately, I got pretty good at not losing them, and spend a good 7 hours or more shoveling. And man, does all my shit hurt this morning.

When I finally just couldn’t take it any more, I did a walkthrough of the attic, and didn’t see anything that looked broken, twisted, stressed, or leaky, so I hope the roof will remain intact for now. More snow coming today, and the return of high winds and temperatures in the single digits. I’m now looking at building ramps so I can drive the tractor up there. Hell, what’s another 3,000 pound, give or take?

Anyhow, as regards winter, cold, and snow, I hereby officially declare myself a wimp. I give up – is that what you’ve been waiting for me to say, Mother Nature? Fine, I concede, surrender, cry “uncle” or whatever you want from me. I’m getting too goddamn old for this.

Can we please have spring now?