Congratulations to Scott Walker, WI Republicans, and mostly to the Koch Brothers for their legislative end-around maneuver to strip public employees of their right to organize and bargain collectively. The WI Assembly should easily pass the bill that made it through the Senate yesterday, and then Scotty’s victory will be complete. Oh, and of course congrats to the people of Wisconsin, who have gotten what they voted for. I hope you’re happy with what you got there, cheeseheads. Next you can hopefully work on repleal of child labor laws and all those other pesky things that keep businesses from being profitable (like the 40-hour work week, safe working conditions, vacations, health care…. Oh, the possibilities are endless). Somewhere, Russ Feingold is rolling in his grave.
Furthermore, congratulations to all those folks out there in the streets the past few weeks on hopefully learning an important lesson. Perhaps now you’ll understand that the “will of the people” is a fucking joke. Just as the Iraq War protesters should have realized, and the health care reform people, and the Wall Street reform people, and of course the folks who thought a vote for Obama was a vote for “change.” It’s all about the money, you naïve fools. Now shut up and pre-order your goddamn iPad2 while you still have credit.
Congratulations to OKat on hearing from the MS official intrepid reporter. We’re all glad to hear you’re safe, Mike. Let’s try and call (or at least write) home more often, shall we? Otherwise, you’re apt to find your wife hanging out at Tractor Supply, trying to pick up chicks.
Congrats also to referees Tim Higgins and Jim Burr of the Big East for not only being shitty refs, but for not noticing that there was still 1.7 seconds left in the game when St. Johns’ Justin Brownlee ran of the court and threw the ball in the stands. Not only should Rutgers have gotten the ball at mid-court, but I think it should also have been a technical for delay of game. Of course, it was just one of the many horrible game-changing calls that we’ve come to expect from these two fellas. Anybody who’s familiar with Big East basketball knows how bad these two suck (in fact, Jim Burr sucked when he did my high school basketball games back about a hundred years ago; I will, however, give him credit for still being able to run up and down the court despite being old and fat). My hope is that yesterday’s performance will keep this dynamic duo from refereeing today’s SU-St. Johns game (ideally, from any game ever again).
Congratulations to David Broder. Not for being dead (though, good show there, Dave), but for all the accolades he’s received from the simpering talking heads whose love and respect fairly dripped from my teevee and radio yesterday. Did you know Broder was the “gold standard” against which all other urinalists are measured? So said George Snufalufagus. And when you’ve gotten the George Snufalufagus seal of approval, I guess there’s really no point in remaining alive. Also, did you know that Broder “hated” DC, and that’s whay he spent so much time out there in “real America.” Honest. You probably saw him at the Kwik-E-Mart and never even noticed him (in fact, I think it was one of those ancient hot dogs that killed him – or Squishy sugar overdose).
Oh, kudos to the Goebbels network, too, on their honesty. I happened to catch the very beginning of their nightly news last night, and they stated right upfront that it was “brought to you by the people who bring America its oil and gas.” Excellent (and unbiased, I’m sure).
Hearty congratulations to Apple, as well, for making the bestest computer thingies in the whole wide world, including this fucking trackpad which makes what should take 15 minutes to write take 90 minutes.
And finally, congratulations to Mother Nature’s perseverance. Her attempts to freeze us out or smother us with snow having failed, she now appears to be attempting to drown us.
Bring it on, bitch!*
*Note to Mother Nature: Just kidding. please don't bring it on. Congratulations - you win.