As you get older, you find yourself doing things you never thought you’d do. Or, more accurately, doing things you never gave a thought about one way or another. For instance, a while back, I bought a WaterPik. It’s just a lot easier to use that to blast the crud out from between my teeth than it is to floss (especially since I also use these little Christmas tree brushes to brush between teeth – speaking of things I not only never thought about, but never heard of).

Anyhow, I never gave it much thought, but it turns out that, unless you’d like to get very wet, the process of using the thing involves filling the reservoir with warm water (my teeth have become so sensitive that anything varying more than about three degrees above or below body temperature hurts like hell) and a shot of Listerine (speaking of things I never gave a thought about, I never knew where the name for that came from until I saw a movie quite a few years ago about a Scottish surgeon named Joseph Lister who apparently decided that if Carbolic Acid was good enough for sewage, it was good enough for his patients, thereby ushering in the age of modern surgery and the antiseptic method. I assume he became a physician because Dr. Lister sounded a lot less ridiculous than Mr. Lister. But anyways…), and then bending over the sink to let the water drain out of your mouth.

I never really pictured myself bent over in the bathroom with a pulsating tool squirting warm liquid into my mouth. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course – just never thought it would be how I’d start and end my day. Then again, I thought I’d be dead by now, so what do I know?

Not that I hadn’t spend some quality time hunkered down over porcelain in the bathroom back in the day, don’t get me wrong. It just typically involved inspecting the underside of the toilet rim. All-in-all, I have to say I much prefer the WaterPik.

Speaking of teeth, mine hurt. I’m starting to understand why George Washington always looks like such a miserable son-of-a-bitch in all those portraits you see of him. The big problem is my temporary crowns (in particular, the latest one). Any food or liquid of any temperature that gets near that bottom one sets off severe stabbing pain. Good thing these are both on one side, I guess, but I’ve come to find myself eating with my head tilted as far to the left as I can get it, in hopes of preventing anything sneaking over that way. I only hope I can make it another eight days ’til I get the permanent ones glued on. That’ll probably hurt, too.

I need drugs.

Speaking of bad teeth, today is Eric Clapton’s 66^thbirthday. Seems like he ought to be older than that, doesn’t it?