The dogs have pretty much gone insane. I don’t know what it is they’re hearing at night, but whatever it is, it’s apparently pretty terrifying (never mind the thunder, which raises the terror alert to “red”). This means that there is approximately 5/8 of the bed for my wife, and 3/8 for me and about 150 pounds worth of dog. This arrangement means that one dog has to stand on top of me, which I can deal with for a while (as long as he isn’t standing on my naughty bits), but the combination paw and toenail pressure point eventually gets a little uncomfortable. Strangely, they seem much happier when we all (and by “all” I mean the dogs and me – certainly not my wife who is quite adept at at least feigning unconsciousness and snoring; she looks quite well-rested this morning – not that I resent that in the least, of course) get up and go to the living room and I try to sleep in the chair. Must be the white noise of the pellet stove. Whatever it is, it makes for very little sleep, and what I do get comes at the price of neck and back contortions that cause severe pain later on in the day. Like now. Something’s gotta give, here.

A new twist on the weather today. Instead of being cold, clammy, and rainy, it’s going to be hot, humid, and rainy. With five days left to go, this is already the fifth rainiest April in the books (and even a typical April around here isn’t exactly dry). I look forward to at least being able to turn the pellet stove off and not having the house get cold. Though I may need to get a white noise generator to calm the dogs down. Come to think of it, my Chumby has several different noise modes (white, pink, water, “nature,” all kinds of shit). I’ll have to give that a try.

One good thing, though, is that we should all (well, the dogs and I) be wide awake Friday at 4AM to watch the Royal Wedding coverage (you may not have heard, but apparently some prince or something is getting married). I’m pretty excited (not as excited as our friends in Canada, I guess – but they are, of course, subjects of the Crown and all that – before you scoff, recall that Americans pledge allegiance to piece of f*cking cloth – and Canadian money is even nicknamed for the British Royal Family – “loonies”).

Sadly, it appears that I’ve been snubbed and will not be receiving my wedding invitation, so I guess I can stop hanging around the mailbox and pestering the mailman (“is it here?! Did it come!?! Crap, nothing but f*cking bills again). We are not amused.

Stupid Queen.

Well, screw ’em. I guess they won’t be getting a wedding present from me. And to think, I was gonna go to Jared. BTW, outside of these stupid teevee commercials that I guess are designed to compel me to buy my wife jewelry lest I feel like a terrible husband (guess what? It aint working; if I’m gonna spend money, it’ll be on a bigger bed with a sidecar for the dogs), has anybody actually heard of this “Jared” store? They seem to want me to believe that it’s the epitome of a posh, high-class jewelry store, but I’m guessing it’s really right up there with McDonald’s.

Besides, around here, if you want high-class, you go to Egon Ehrlinspiel.

Oh well, time to get ready to go suffer through another day trying to stay awake at my desk. Looks like the dogs are catching up on their sleep, so they ought to be well-rested tonight.