Shortly, I’ll be faced with a major life decision, and it’s all the fault of the collusion of those sneaky marketing executives from Dish, Showtime, and HBO. I’ve had Dish for almost 3 months now, and my package of freebies is set to expire. And last week, there was a free preview of HBO, so I got to watch the Season 4 première of True Blood (hooked, once again, right from the opening theme). And I did record the most recent episode of Treme, but I haven’t watched it yet. To make matters worse, Monday was the première of the news seasons of Weeds and The Big C. I can live without Weeds, which peaked a couple back, but I do love me some Laura Linney (not that Mary-Louise Parker is any slouch – just make sure you pass on dinner at her place). So, anyhow, now (before Sunday, really), I have to decide whether or not to cancel Showtime and add HBO instead, keep SHO, or get them both. As if my life wasn’t complicated enough, I have 3 PPV certificates to use up, too. It’s a hard, hard life.

Well, the dentist wasn’t horribly painful yesterday, except to my wallet. I’m done until after Christmas, though, so that’s a good thing. Now I just have to get through the rest of this week, which, thanks to some great foresight on my part, means just today and tomorrow. Maybe I can call in sick.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to see my friends at the dentist’s office, and got my teeth cleaned. Frankly, it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. The hygienist wasn’t one I knew – though I’ve seen her around; hell, there’s only two of them – and she was not in amy way, shape, or form gentle with me. I don’t mind it a little rough, but golly. Anyhow, she said I was doing OK, no bleeding, not much plaque, but some “staining” (which feel vaguely ashamed of for some reason, but it would have to be either coffee or Newman’s Own™ Balsamic Vinaigrette, because that’s pretty much the only stainy-type stuff that makes it past my lips these days – at least until SSM takes effect next month).

But no, then the dentist had to come in and give me the once-over, and, lo-and-behold, he says I have a couple of “chipped” teeth (which I’m pretty sure isn’t a recent development, but I guess it’s summer and he needs to get the boat in the water or maybe his kid’s going to college in the fall). So, they have a pretty neat system there, ‘cuz I consider myself a pretty savvy consumer (I mean, I always turn down the extended maintenance contract and stuff, though I did fall for the undercoating once, but I was young), but somehow I had an appointment to get them “built up” and I don’t even remember anybody asking. Anyhow, today’s the day I have to go in and get this done. I really hope there isn’t any pain involved here, but somehow I bet there will be. At the very least, it’ll cost me money, and that hurts.

Bernie Sanders gave a 10,000 word speech on the floor of the Senate yesterday, urging voters to urge the President “not to yield one inch.” I didn’t actually see (let alone read – I mean, that’s about 9,000 more words than I can manage w/o falling asleep) his speech, so naturally I figured it had something to do with gay marriage or that Michelle Bachmann thinks Radar O’Reilly is from Waterloo, Iowa (when everybody knows he’s from Ottumwa), but it turns out it was something to do with not stealing from the poor to give to the rich.

Well, good luck getting any action from President “Reverse Robin Hood Noodle Spine” Obama on that one, Bernie.

Judging by their license plates, New Hampshire’s motto is “Live Free or Die.” This sentiment apparently doesn’t extend to pets or the humans who own them, though, as NH has a new law mandating DNA samples from suspected pet poopers. OK, well, it’s not actually a law. It’s a rule at an apartment complex. But it’s still something Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann ought to get out there and, um, do whatever it is that those two actually do, about.

I knew somebody from NH once. He was kind of a putz. Not sure if everybody from NH is a putz – I’ve heard rumors, though, and from what I understand, they don’t shave their armpits, which is OK by me, ‘cuz I don’t shave mine, either – I’m a plucker.

Speaking of which, it’s about that time, so I guess I better go pluck myself.

So I’m kind of wondering about something. When it comes to what has become Republicans’ biggest problem ever (after having been relegated to the “what, me worry?” status since the day after Clinton left office) – the “deficit” – the GOP says we’ve gotta cut, cut, cut, and they won’t even consider increasing revenue. Yet when it comes to our reliance on fossil fuels, that same single-minded conservation crowd wants nothing to do with reducing consumption, and says we’ve gotta increase production. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that was inconsistent.

Speaking of inconsistent (as in, an inconsistent mental disposition), everybody’s favorite Krusading Kristian – Michelle Bachmann – kicks off her Presidential campaign today. I dunno about you, but I find that terribly exciting.

I don’t know if you saw any video of people celebrating NY’s new law legalizing same sex marriage, but it sure is fun to see happy people whose freedom and equality has just been affirmed. I like seeing happy people on the news for a change (and, OK, I admit that it gives me a certain amount of joy to see homophobic bigots all pissed off :nana: ).

Seeing happy people is much better than looking at angry, pickle-pussed teabaggers demanding that the government quit handing out money (to other people – as long as they keep handing money out to them), and stay out of their lives (when it comes to their right to own a gun and eat at Mickey D’s, but not when it comes to dictating who they can marry).

I’m pretty sure that when all the focus group results come in, President Obama will issue a vaguely worded statement detailing what his opinion would be, if he was going to have one.

Oh well, early day today, and I’m already behind schedule.

The good news is, today is Sunday. Bad news is that means tomorrow’s Monday. However, there’s good news in that tonight is the première of True Blood on HBO. Unfortunately, the bad news is that I don’t get HBO anymore. Although, there is good news, in that it appears that we’re getting a free HBO preview this weekend (which I only just found out about), so I can watch it. The bad news is that I’m not sure I actually want to watch the first one if I can’t watch the rest of them. However, there’s good news, in that tomorrow are the premieres of Weeds and The Big C on Showtime, which I do get. Of course, there’s also bad news, because I only get Showtime as part of my three-month new Dish subscriber package, and I’ve only got a couple of weeks left of that. The good news, though, is that, in the end it’s only teevee (except for HBO, which isn’t teevee, it’s HBO, but, what the hell, it’s “only” HBO, and if I can give up Bill Maher and Treme, I guess I can give up True Blood. 🙁 ).

So, as you may have heard, the NY State Senate actually managed to do the right thing last night, and Gov. Snotball (to whom I will grudgingly give props, because, for whatever reason, he really pushed for it) signed the bill, which is now law. The big surprise is that something like three Republicans simultaneously did the right thing, which I’m pretty sure is a new record (at least a post-Civil War record). Only one Democrat – Ruben Diaz of the Bronx – voted against the measure. And having heard him speak, it might just be that nobody could figure out what the fuck he was saying, so they put him down as a “no”.

I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that I’ve never really paid much attention to the NY State Senate’s deliberative process, and had no idea they did this thing called “explaining your vote.” So they sit around and talk all this shit to death before they bother to have a vote, and then they feel a need to blather on about why they voted however they voted (before they actually vote). Jeezus, no wonder nothing ever gets done around here. Just freakin’ vote already, fer chrissakes. Enter your remarks for the record – it’s not like anybody’s paying attention to you idiots.

Anyhow, in just 30 days, all New Yorkers will be required to get gay married. I haven’t really given much thought as to who I’ll be dumping my wife for, but I’d like a guy who’s into SU Sports (be nice to have somebody to watch the games with for a change), and who doesn’t expect me to work out all the time. Big plus for a dude with his own mini-excavator. And a good job (or at least somebody who comes from money). I’d like to marry up this time around. Feel free to e-mail me your resumes, but no pictures, please.

Seriously, please, no pictures.

New York is the sixth state to legalize what really should have been legal anyway (we’re not exactly the types to jump out there and be at the forefront of anything – we even wimped out on the whole American Revolution thing, and voted “present” or something – if you can believe the HBO mini-series, “John Adams,” our rep to the Continental Congress was a wimpy, conniving little fat guy in a wig – definitely a standard our politicians have had no trouble living up to ever since). We are, however, the biggest state to do it, and here’s hoping we’re the big domino that knocks over all the other dominos (I figure in about six months, after people realize we don’t have to start having sex with Rick Santorum’s dog, everybody’s gonna ask, “gee, what was the big deal with that again?”). Plus, we beat California to it (well, maybe we weren’t first, but ours is gonna stick). Ha!

Let’s face it, this is nothing new. Lots of married people have been having the same sex for years and years, and I’ve always thought marriages were pretty gay anyway, what with the dresses and the flowers and all that.

Also, we need people to come back to NY to live, work, and pay taxes, so come on over to NY, all you gay guys and gals. We know you won’t be doing a lot of breeding, so bring lots of friends and family. And don’t forget, it isn’t all about NYC (I mean, yeah, they have Broadway and all that, but you can always take a day trip).

In fact, Onondaga County is ranked as the most affordable place to live in NY State by Bloomberg, and CNN Money ranked Syracuse as the most affordable housing market in the US. And Syracuse University has always been gay-friendly (I mean, have you seen our mascot? It’s a big Orange plushie; doesn’t get much gayer than that!). Plus the Syracuse mayor has long been an advocate of gay rights (last year, she was the Grand Marshall of the Syracuse Pride Parade; yes, we have a Pride Parade).

So come on up to Central New York! Come for the gay marriage, and stay for the, um, I dunno. Just stay. We need the money.

Now, how’s about we legalize pot already?

Today is payback for my having worked too damn long on Monday, so I get to end the week a little bit earlier than usual. This, of course, means the weather will suck. Or should I say, continue to suck. As has been the case in every year I can remember (which is pretty much just this year, ‘cuz I can’t remember shit), huge spring snowmelt and rain that led to fears of flooding have turned to a monthlong drought leading to fears, of um brown grass or something, which has now turned to heavy rain leading to fears of flooding. Or something. Oh well, better the weather should suck while I’m at home, I guess. Well, no. Actually better the weather be better whether I’m home or not.

It’s been a tough week, and one I’m glad to see (almost) over. For one thing, the Dunkin’ Donuts at the halfway point on the way to work closed Monday for renovations. This means that my commute has stunk to high heaven with tweaking County Sheriffs who haven’t been able to get their sugar and caffeine fix.

Then I went to the “club” store yesterday at lunchtime, and had to wait forever for the two fat old ladies and their fat kid to get the hell away from the organic spinach. Apparently they were intent on discerning some noticeable difference from one package to another (or maybe they’d just never seen spinach before; they didn’t look like the leafy green vegetable type), and had to pick up and handle every frickin’ one of them (no difference – trust me) for an hour while the fat kid practiced ballet kicks or something in the aisle next to them (from her frenetic kicking, it appeared that her DD was open this week, but I’ll give her credit, she got that old ham shank of hers up pretty high; the last time I had my leg in the air that high was probably back in college when I was hammered in an icy bar parking lot, and my feet flew out from under me. But I didn’t have a shopping cart to hold on to, so I win).

I think all the senior living facilities must have coordinated their field trips yesterday, because the aisles were packed tight with fat lumbering old people (and skeletal old people) wearing stretch pants. Some leaned on shopping carts, and some were too big too lumber under their own power (chicken and egg), so they cruised around in those stupid little scooters, all the while pondering whether a pallet of single-ply toilet paper with 500 sheets per roll is a better deal than a pallet of 2-ply toilet paper at 300 sheets per roll.

Oh, it’s not just the old people, of course. The young people suck, too. I mean, WTF? There are a great many mysteries in the universe, but the difference between a can of name-brand peas and a can of store-brand peas is not one of them.

Pick one, and move the fuck along.

Then I had a dream last night, where I was walking home (except it was an apartment in a city, like NY or something), and there was a guy wearing a raincoat with the hood pulled up, all done up in the colors of the Green Bay Packers (kind of a Green Bay rain suit; no cheese head though). He was clearly Stephen King, so I said hello to him, and he pulled his hood down and said “oh, you recognize me?” (I mean, duh – it was Stephen King), and he said he was there with a film crew making a movie in the neighborhood, and, to make a long story short, we got along pretty well so he came up to my place, which overlooked where he was filming, and for some reason I had a shitload of friends (which should have been a tip-off that it was a dream. I mean, Stephen King in a Green Bay rain suit, maybe….), so it was party-central and we were whooping it up, and he said they needed extras, so everybody got to be in the movie. Except for me.

He didn’t come right out and say it, but it was pretty clear that I couldn’t be in the movie because I’m too ugly (and when Stephen King thinks you’re too ugly to be an extra in a movie, that’s pretty bad, I must say), so I was pretty bummed (not so much about being in the movie, which was no big deal, but because I’d been kinda kidding myself that I wasn’t all that bad – I mean, not Brad Pitt, but I didn’t think I was exactly Joseph Merrick, either). 😥

Oh well.

Meanwhile, in Albany, State Senators are still in their gay marriage holding position. Maybe they’ll vote today. Maybe not. I’m guessing not.

Farther north in our great State, the President traveled to Watertown to address the 10th Mountain Division at Fort Drum (the most heavily deployed division over the past decade or so in Afghanistan and Iraq). I didn’t really catch what he said, but I’m guessing it was that they’re great, America’s great, and, um, some other flag-related type stuff.

Oh well, time to do that thing I do to stave off the bill collectors. At least ’til Governor Snotball tells me I can’t do it any more.

I watched the President’s speech last night (not that I watched it last night; I watched it because it was thrust upon me at the start of my recording of KO). Well, I watched for a few minutes. Then he started sounding like the teacher in a Charlie Brown cartoon “wah-wah-wah-wah, wah, wah, wah” so I skipped forward. I think I missed some stuff about baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet.

Aaron Sorkin has come to the same conclusion about Facebook as I have. Namely, that it should be shunned like a perverted Amish Sexter (or a perverted sexting Jewish Congressman). Damn kids.

No movement on Gay Marriage here in NY, though I’m starting to have my doubts that it will ever happen. We’ll see, I guess. As reported by the Albany Times Union the other day, the NYS Senate “remains in a same sex marriage holding pattern,” which I think is like a Dirty Sanchez, except with more cuddling. But I’m not up on all that stuff, so I could be wrong. Might be some sort of kinky Amish thing for all I know.

Speaking of getting screwed, the largest NYS public employee union – CSEA, my former brothers and sisters – has come to a tentative agreement with Governor Snotball. Basically, Snotty held the layoff gun to their heads, and told them to sign or else. We’ll see if the membership ratifies it.

The agreement locks the union into a 5-yr agreement with three years of no raises followed by a 1% raise halfway through the fourth year and a 2% raise halfway through the fifth year. It also calls for 9-days worth of furloughs over the first two years (5 days the first year – which, combined with no raise, amounts to about a 2% pay cut), and substantial increases in the neighborhood of 5-6% (depending on if you’re single or not, and it has two-tiers where the lower pay grades get screwed slightly less than the upper ones) on health care costs.

As for layoff protections, there appears to be enough wiggle room in there where Governor Snotball can come back and screw everybody over again down the road.

Next up is the #2 State Union – PEF – which will probably follow suit (once the first union caves in, the dominoes fall), and then my union – UUP – having let the other guys do the dirty work, will see what they can get.

Personally, I’m not really looking forward to losing 9 days worth of pay or paying more for health insurance that I don’t actually use very often. My property taxes are only increasing, as are all my other expenses.

But, hey, it’s not about me. It’a all about preserving the way of life of the Wall Street millionaires. I mean, who else is gonna contribute to Governor Snotball’s presidential campaign? Not me. I’ll be too busy fighting with the cats over their food.

I’m thinking Science Diet dry food might go pretty well with soy milk.

Another early day for me (at least, it damn well better be), and between that and watching KO and the DS/CR hour recordings, I ran out of time this morning. In fact, I’m already at my desk and wondering why I didn’t just stay in bed this morning. Oh well, back to paying the bills.

Yesterday sucked. Normally, Monday and Wednesday are my early days – I go in early and leave early. Yesterday, I thought I’d go in even earlier than usual, and leave at like 2:30. Sadly, I’d forgotten that I was supposed to cover for somebody else. So I went in way early and had to stay way late. Sucked. Oh well, at least there was Countdown w/ KO to look forward to. Not that I watched it last night (eight o’clock PM? I don’t think so). I recorded it and watched it this morning when I got up at 4:17. It was nice to see it – and Keith – back on the air, and I’m glad I get Current on Dish (though it’s in SD, not HD, and it was set to stretch the image; Michael Moore really doesn’t need to be stretched horizontally). Sorry to those of you who don’t get Current, and can’t find Countdown on the Internet.

I don’t know much about carriage agreements (so naturally I’ll speculate anyway), but I suspect that Current not only offers itself for free (sluts) because nobody would pay for it (much like myself), but probably has to jump through a lot of hoops (like not making its content available on the Internet) just to get carried. Either that, or they’re hoping to maximum their investment in KO and get carried by more providers by encouraging outraged KO fans to inundate their providers with demands to carry Current – which would be nice, so they can bring aboard even more and better news programming in the not-too-distant future). Me? I just hope they get themselves on Dish in HD some day.

So, anyhow, why is Markos Moulitsas creepy? Well, I’m probably the only one who thinks he is, and that’s mostly because (to me) he looks like the character of Eugene Victor Tooms (played by the same guy who was the creepy little asshole prison guard in the Green Mile, and who, at the age of 51, has married a 16-yr old girl, which is not only creepy but seems like it ought to be illegal – but anything goes in Vegas, baby!) from the X-Files, who was a serial killer who could squeeze himself through tiny spaces (like the soil pipe connected to your toilet) so that he could sneak into your house and eat your liver. And, frankly, the thought of Kos’ head popping up out of my toilet creeps me out. Is that rational? No. But, hey that’s how I roll. I will say, however, that Kos doesn’t look bad stretched horizontally.

And, aside from the irrational case of the heebie-jeebies he gives me, and while I admire what Kos has accomplished with the DK site, I find him to be too much of a “Democrat” for my liking (not unlike our current President, frankly). Plus he once said military service ought to be a requirement for being President (it’s out there – please don’t make me look it up; I wrote about it somewhere, but I’m too tired to search for it) – presumably because his four-year hitch (mostly in Germany) no doubt makes him a better man than most, and also because he used to be a Republican (I know, people can change, and being a Republican in the olden days is different from calling yourself a Republican these days), but I don’t really trust former Republicans.

In fact, I think a requirement for being President ought to be that you were never a Republican. Shows a lack of judgement, IMHO (kinda like tweeting weenie pictures, only worse).

He also strikes me as being way too full of himself. But maybe that’s because I’m jealous of what he’s managed to do with the whole DK and Netroots thing, which truly is admirable (and which I wish I’d thought of first – except I don’t actually have the brains, skills, or creativity).

Mostly, though, he looks like Tooms from the X-Files.

But, hey, that’s just one man’s opinion, and what do I know? I jump into my pants with both legs, just like everybody else. Which I suppose I ought to go ahead and do right now, ‘cuz it’s almost time to get ready to get ready.