So, as you may have heard, the NY State Senate actually managed to do the right thing last night, and Gov. Snotball (to whom I will grudgingly give props, because, for whatever reason, he really pushed for it) signed the bill, which is now law. The big surprise is that something like three Republicans simultaneously did the right thing, which I’m pretty sure is a new record (at least a post-Civil War record). Only one Democrat – Ruben Diaz of the Bronx – voted against the measure. And having heard him speak, it might just be that nobody could figure out what the fuck he was saying, so they put him down as a “no”.

I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that I’ve never really paid much attention to the NY State Senate’s deliberative process, and had no idea they did this thing called “explaining your vote.” So they sit around and talk all this shit to death before they bother to have a vote, and then they feel a need to blather on about why they voted however they voted (before they actually vote). Jeezus, no wonder nothing ever gets done around here. Just freakin’ vote already, fer chrissakes. Enter your remarks for the record – it’s not like anybody’s paying attention to you idiots.

Anyhow, in just 30 days, all New Yorkers will be required to get gay married. I haven’t really given much thought as to who I’ll be dumping my wife for, but I’d like a guy who’s into SU Sports (be nice to have somebody to watch the games with for a change), and who doesn’t expect me to work out all the time. Big plus for a dude with his own mini-excavator. And a good job (or at least somebody who comes from money). I’d like to marry up this time around. Feel free to e-mail me your resumes, but no pictures, please.

Seriously, please, no pictures.

New York is the sixth state to legalize what really should have been legal anyway (we’re not exactly the types to jump out there and be at the forefront of anything – we even wimped out on the whole American Revolution thing, and voted “present” or something – if you can believe the HBO mini-series, “John Adams,” our rep to the Continental Congress was a wimpy, conniving little fat guy in a wig – definitely a standard our politicians have had no trouble living up to ever since). We are, however, the biggest state to do it, and here’s hoping we’re the big domino that knocks over all the other dominos (I figure in about six months, after people realize we don’t have to start having sex with Rick Santorum’s dog, everybody’s gonna ask, “gee, what was the big deal with that again?”). Plus, we beat California to it (well, maybe we weren’t first, but ours is gonna stick). Ha!

Let’s face it, this is nothing new. Lots of married people have been having the same sex for years and years, and I’ve always thought marriages were pretty gay anyway, what with the dresses and the flowers and all that.

Also, we need people to come back to NY to live, work, and pay taxes, so come on over to NY, all you gay guys and gals. We know you won’t be doing a lot of breeding, so bring lots of friends and family. And don’t forget, it isn’t all about NYC (I mean, yeah, they have Broadway and all that, but you can always take a day trip).

In fact, Onondaga County is ranked as the most affordable place to live in NY State by Bloomberg, and CNN Money ranked Syracuse as the most affordable housing market in the US. And Syracuse University has always been gay-friendly (I mean, have you seen our mascot? It’s a big Orange plushie; doesn’t get much gayer than that!). Plus the Syracuse mayor has long been an advocate of gay rights (last year, she was the Grand Marshall of the Syracuse Pride Parade; yes, we have a Pride Parade).

So come on up to Central New York! Come for the gay marriage, and stay for the, um, I dunno. Just stay. We need the money.

Now, how’s about we legalize pot already?