Thanks to our brave politicians, led by our brave President, the US Government has avoided haing its bonds downgraded from AAA status to D-. Instead, Standard and Poor’s has downgraded us to AA+ (no word yet on what this means for our AAA baseball team). If only the mean old Democrats and their Socialist President had given John Boehner that other 2% he wanted, this never would have happened. But, hey, let’s face it, we’d have all loved to get AA+s in school (especially in that class that told us why we’re supposed to give a shit what a bond rating agency thinks), so this isn’t so bad after all. In fact, I predict that all it really means is that the riff-raff that considers itself to be 85% of Americans will have to pay more for, well, everything, and the moneychangers will make even more money, which of course will trickle down upon us all (except for Sean Hannity, who, not surprisingly, isn’t having any sex; or at least not any sex that could lead to reproduction, if you catch my drift).

It’s not all good news, though, as S&P also announced that they are putting the US on double secret probation, and may downgrade our credit even further in the future. Quick! To the Suprecongressmobile! I’m fairly sure we need to take some serious measures to avoid this – namely, cut taxes on rich people, revoke child labor laws, officially declare Global Warming a hoax, frack the fuck out of everything between Canada and Mexico, drill baby drill, raise the Medicare and Social Security age to 70, and start killing old people with a net worth below $100 million when they hit 65.

Of course, there should be a grandfather clause. Grandfathers go first.

I think we could also save some money by getting everybody to agree to only have virtual, electronic wars – like in that episode of Star Trek, before Kirk along and screwed it all up (he really wasn’t much for that whole “Prime Directive” thing). Then we just run wars by computer simulation, and if you get a simulated missile dropped on your house, you have 24 hours to report to the disintegration booth (which could double as granny and grampy drop-off sites – unless we want to use big Soylent Green meat grinders instead).

We’re kinda halfway there already, what with the drone warfare and all. Except the simulation part is one-sided (a video game on our end, real death and destruction on the other). That works, of course, but it’s not as cost-effective as total simulation. So let’s get to work on that.

Oh well, it was warm enough (or I was lazy enough) to skip putting the pool cover on last night, so I guess I better go check for skimmer critters.

Now, get out there and be productive, citizens! Oh wait, it’s the weekend, which means you can take time out from working to go and buy crap you don’t need (I recommend an iPhone, because if you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have an iPhone, plus every iPhone purchased helps pay to run Steve Jobs’ stasis chamber).