Golly, everybody sure seems to be in a tizzy over this whole hurricane Irene thing (when I hear that name, I can’t help but think of Irene Lorenzo from All in the Family; Betty Garrett passed away back in February at the age of 91, BTW). It’s knocked both Tripoli and Triple E out of the headlines. I guess I can’t blame them. After all, they gave this storm an Irish name, and, as the son of an Irish mother, I’m here to tell you, you don’t wanna butt heads with an Irish broad. Especially when there’s wind involved. Mom was more than capable of generating a Mighty Wind when properly motivated (and I managed to motivate her quite frequently).

Suddenly, all these “keep the government out of my life” and “kill all the State workers” teabagger-types seem to be interested in mobilizing emergency workers and public employees to protect everybody from the big, bad hurricane. I suppose they’ll be wanting cops and firefighters out on the streets, hospitals to remain open, DOT people ready to keep the street passable (except for that NYC worker who managed to trample that parked SUV after getting his Kubota – the crackerjack NY Post refers to it as a “sanitation truck” and a “snowplow,” which is pretty funny to those of us up here in the provinces who can tell the difference between a garbage truck and/or a snowplow and a tractor (or a payloader, if you prefer) – stuck in the snow last winter; you can give him the weekend off), and all that kinda stuff.

Why not let the private sector and the “free market” take care of everything? Then emergency services can be properly prioritized – according to who can pay the most.

The damn storm is still out in the ocean, but that hasn’t stopped gas prices from going up. Funny how they go up instantly, but take weeks and months to fall. The latest storm track has Irene going right over the middle of Long Island, which isn’t good news for my brother (but then, it’s supposed to be down to a category 1 storm by then). Great, first we get scoffed at by the West Coast for flipping out over a little 5.8 earth shaker, and now the Gulf States will be making fun of the East Coast Liberals for getting all bent out of shape over a measly little Cat 1.

Of course, the big question on everybody’s mind is, “who cares about Raleigh, DC, NYC, and Boston? How will this affect attendance at the NY State Fair?”

Good question. If the latest projections hold, we may be in for some rain up here on Sunday and Monday. If the bitch turns west a bit, we could get tropical storm-type wind and rain. Looks like the bad shit will stay to the east, though. So I guess you folks on the Eastern Seaboard should probably come on up this way. We don’t have deep-fried butter on a stick but there is the Big Kahuna Donut Burger. I think you might even be able to stroll through the cow barn and meet your future dinner. Mmmm.

All this panic and “news” coverage of Irene ought to send David Sirota over the edge. He was feeling mighty left out over the DC earthquake the other day (BTW, should’t this guy be dead and in hell already?). He tweeted something along the lines of “we have a huge earthquake here in Denver and the ‘national news’ doesn’t even report it.”

Now, I must admit that the pants-crapping panic of the serious Dee Cee reporters was pretty funny – especially as they reassured us that no tsunami was expected – but I did indeed see that CO had the biggest earthquake in 40 years reported on the national news, and I’m pretty sure a 5.3 doesn’t qualify as “huge” by any measure.

Also, Dave, who gives a shit about the national media? They’re about as relevant to me as Barack Obama is to Congress. Just something that makes a little useless noise from time-to-time, and gives me something to bitch about. About the only things I’ve learned from the traditional media in the past decade or so is that if you stand outside during a hurricane, you get wet, and Aruba is like the Bermuda Triangle for blonde chicks.

Sirota also tweeted

@davidsirota
David Sirota
I often wonder if the American heartland was suddenly incinerated if anyone in NY/DC would notice/care.

First, no.

Second, no offense to the “good” people out there on the prairie, but, at least IMHO, “the heartland” is tied with (if not in sole possession of first place) “the south” for the region most responsible for fucking up the country.

And third, States whose entire population is less than one big city (and the human population where I live – about 8,000 – is far outnumbered by the bovine population, so don’t think I’m a “big city” snob) should probably just consider themselves fortunate they still get 2 senators. Especially if they waste their two Senate seats on people like James Inhoufe and Tom Coburn (no offense, FK).

Then again, there are one or two good Senators out there in the Midwest.