I’m sure you’ve all heard the horrible, devastating (and horribly devastating) news from yesterday, but as it’s earth-shaking and game-changing, it bears repeating: Sarah Palin will not be running for President. Since her voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me, I didn’t actually listen to what she said, but I’m assuming it had something to do with not being shackled by the constraints of a campaign (in other words, abiding by campaign finance laws). Immediately after we lost Palin (as a candidate – fortunately her wit and wisdom will still be available to anyone willing to pay for it), she was hailed by her mindless followers – who lauded her many achievements without actually naming anything she’d achieved – as a genius and innovator who revolutionized life as we know it. She will be missed. 🙁
In other not exactly surprising news, Steve Jobs died at the age of 56. Most people croak from pancreatic cancer in less than a year, but of course if you have more money than God, you can buy yourself more time. Jobs bought himself about seven years, during which he became – much like his products – thinner and lighter. In the end, though, nobody gets out alive.
I was trying to figure out what Jobs actually did that made him such an innovator and genius and whatnot, but, being basically ignorant, I’m not really sure. I think it has something to do with hooking up with Steve Wozniak, who actually made shit. Jobs main talent, as far as I can tell, was taking other people’s ideas and getting still other people to make them better (or at least more “stylish”) – and then marketing the shit out of them.
Under Jobs, Apple didn’t invent computers, digital music players or smartphones….
“We have always been shameless about stealing great ideas,†Jobs said in an interview for the 1996 PBS series “Triumph of the Nerds.â€
What Jobs failed to add, however – and what I find most annoying about companies like Apple – was that they were also shameless about patenting and/or copyrighting these great, stolen ideas (or at least trying to) in an effort to thwart the innovation of others. I firmly believe that, had Apple had its way, personal computers would cost $5,000 today, instead of $500 (or less), and would have nothing but proprietary connectors for expansion devices that would only accept over-priced (but very stylish) official Apple (or Apple-licensed) products.
So, anyhow, you can expect to see a whole lot of “the genius of Jobs” over the coming weeks, months, and even years (I expect one of Jobs’ last directives was a marketing campaign designed to capitalize on his passing), as the tech world slobbers over his corpse like Peggy Noonan at a Dead Reagan convention.
The person I really feel sorry for in all of this is Sarah Palin, whose “I’m not running” announcement has been way upstaged by the death of Steve Jobs.
And for that, I extend to him my sincere thanks.
Genius.
So much more could be said but maybe it is too soon. I would imagine with the incursion of Goobner Perry and the raising of Cain along with the pending tsunami of exits stage right led by Goobner Fatsie had dried up a lot of the potential ‘contributions’ that Palin’s constant showing of a little leg tease was meant to rake in. Perhaps there is a lot more to all of those rumours that have been coming out of late. It was a mere coincidence that her relegation to the dustbin of historical irrelevance happened when the bird-lipped, repug backing business hack John Sculley slipped out it for a few moments.
Also too soon maybe for Sculley’s biggest corporate scalp Steve Jobs so I should be careful. Once right after much of Lynyrd Skynyrd went down in a fiery plane crash soon after the release of their ‘Street Survivors’ album depicting on the cover the band engulfed in flames, I callously commented to someone connected with their label that it was a ‘good career move’ not knowing that he was a ‘friend’ of the band.
Of course, my constant complaints about the premature demise of many of the gifted/hand-me-down Apple iProducts I have owned are a matter of record here along with the iBoneyard which never got to © status might lend themselves to some kind of comment. Something might be said about Jobs being unable to stand all of this recent talk about ‘jobs’ not being about him or the lackluster rollout of iPhone 4S. I could even talk about China. But I won’t. Too soon.
Another something that Jobs’ passing managed to steal a little thunder from just like he stole the name from his record label was the new Martin Scorcese documentary about George Harrison premiering last night on HBO. I can’t wait to see it. Unfortunately the screening I might have attended was hosted by an Apple cultist (on both levels) and I passed on it.
Desperately Seeking Dalrymple
By GAIL COLLINS
I know you couldn’t care less about Sarah Palin bowing out of the presidential race, but let me ask you this: Who wants to spend the next 13 months watching Mitt Romney run against Barack Obama? Can I see a show of hands?
“‘Not as bad as Kazakhstan’ has a certain charming ring to it, but it will require that we give Kazakhstan equal time to answer that charge. ”
I thought so. All of us, regardless of political persuasion, have a stake in trying to keep the Republican presidential fight going through the winter. These are tough times. (“Sesame Street†just announced it’s adding a poverty-stricken Muppet.) We need diversion.
Plus, it doesn’t look as if there’s going to be a professional basketball season. And I cannot really figure out that many ways to mention that Romney once drove to Canada with the family dog strapped to the roof of the car.
But we seem to be running out of fresh blood, and it’s only October! Surely there’s another Republican governor or ex-governor we can crown Non-Mitt of the Month. George Pataki is definitely available, and I think the country is coming to understand that what it really needs right now is another president named George.
Donald Trump seems content to be an ex-candidate, using his deep political expertise to comment on the remaining field. (“I had dinner last night with Jim Perry. I was impressed with him.â€) But maybe there’s another reality TV host we can get into the race. Jeff Probst, the guy from “Survivor,†might be good. On the show, whenever a team loses a competition, he always says something like: “Kaluha Tribe, I’ve got nothing for you.†It’s sort of a signature. Think how useful that would be for a president. (“Future Social Security recipients, I’ve got nothing for you.â€)
A spokesman for Probst said he was unavailable to provide extraneous details such as whether or not he is a Republican.
How about Idaho Gov. Butch Otter? I have been promoting him as a possible presidential contender, mainly because I like saying “Idaho Gov. Butch Otter.†But there’s much, much more there to recommend him. For one thing, I’m pretty sure he’d be the first president who was on the board of directors of the National Cowboy Hall of Fame.
One of Otter’s big initiatives this year was declaring the gray wolf an “emergency disaster†so people could shoot them. This could open up a useful debate on the hunting issue, which in presidential politics usually involves candidates bragging about their body count. But we could also revisit Rick Perry’s story about how he shot a coyote with his “Ruger .380 with laser sights†while jogging, and pursue a question that has been bothering all of us: Where was he carrying it?
Even better, it would give us an opportunity to relive the moment in the last presidential campaign when Romney was forced to backtrack from his efforts to portray himself as a lifelong hunter. (“I’m not a big-game hunter. I’ve made that very clear. I’ve always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will. I began when I was 15 or so and I have hunted those kinds of varmints since then. More than two times.â€)
One small downside to a Gov. Butch Otter candidacy is that he’s already endorsed Romney. But betrayal is one of the high points of any presidential campaign. The more pain, the more they entertain. It’s sort of like Hunger Games for pacifists.
Finally, and this is very important, if Gov. Butch Otter became a presidential candidate, everybody in the media would have to go to Idaho to follow him around for a while. I have never been to Idaho, so I would like that very much. In fact, if we can’t have Gov. Butch Otter, I think we should try to find a Republican governor from another state that I’ve never visited.
Paging Gov. Jack Dalrymple of North Dakota!
North Dakota has so many jobs there’s a labor shortage. And a monster budget surplus. Of course, this is almost entirely because they’ve discovered a huge field of oil up there. But do you remember how Rick Perry keeps bragging about job creation in Texas? If Perry can take credit for oil, Gov. Jack Dalrymple of North Dakota can, too.
“And don’t pooh-pooh agriculture,†the governor mildly chided a TV interviewer.
This campaign needs more candidates who say things like “Don’t pooh-pooh agriculture.â€
Now it is true that much of North Dakota’s new prosperity involves hydrofracking, a drilling method that causes environmentalists to genuinely turn green. Also, when they drill for oil, the drillers are so eager to get their hands on it that they don’t bother to capture the byproduct, wasting 100 million cubic feet of natural gas a day. “North Dakota is not as bad as Kazakhstan, but this is not what you would expect a civilized, efficient society to do,†an energy expert told Clifford Krauss of The Times.
Admittedly, “Not as Bad as Kazakhstan†isn’t the best possible state motto. But I think we could work this out over the next 10 or 20 candidate debates.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/10/06/MNQJ1LEG3K.DTL