And so, 2011 comes to an end. And you know what that means. Yes, the Twilight Zone Marathon. It starts at 9:00 AM on the channel formerly known as Sci-Fi, and while its acquisition by NBC/Universal is gradually turning the channel to shit (wrestling on Friday nights? Really? WTF?) and they have cancelled some of its best shows (SGU, Caprica, Eureka, and now Warehouse 13? Again, WTF?), at least they continue TZ Marathon tradition. For now. Vernon sent me a link to an excerpt of a now completed manuscript by Rod Serling’s daughter Anne, which is more than worth a read, if you’re interested. Thanks for that, Vernon.

I’m sure I don’t need to mention (but will anyway) that Rod was born in Syracuse on Christmas Day in 1924, grew up in Binghamton (going to the same high school as FK’s mom), died in Rochester, and is buried not too far from me in Interlaken (about an hour away. It’d be a lot faster if they’d build bridges across those pesky Finger Lakes. Especially Cayuga, which is where Cayuga Productions got its name). In fact, Carl Sagan (who is not from Syracuse, but did teach at Cornell and was a patient of my sister’s once when he was in the hospital for which I work) is buried in the same cemetery. So maybe I’ll make another pilgrimage this year.

Speaking of dead people, I used to do the roll call of death on New Years, but it was a pain in the ass because so goddamn many people kept dying every year. Not that it was their idea, of course. Hitchens, Frazier, Rooney, Morgan, Taylor, Winehouse, Davis, Cooper, Clemons, Robertson, Ford, Falk, Kevorkian…. Just too many to name. And more people will die today, even. Like, 152,000, give or take. How’re supposed to keep up with that?

It’s not all fun and games today, though. My older dog, Siggy, has had a “thing” on his face for a while now. A long while, I’m ashamed to admit. It started out looking like a pimple or an ingrown hair or something. It would get bigger, then smaller, bigger, smaller, etc, and so I had hopes that it would just go away. Then he tore it open . And it looked nasty, but then it would look like it would heal over, at which point he’d tear it open again. We tried spritzing it with peroxide, which seemed to help. Until he’d tear it open again. And we tried spritzing it with colloidal silver, which seemed to work, until he’d tear it open again. And I tried putting a donut thing around his neck, which I thought would keep him from tearing it open. But it didn’t. So, sadly, it’s time for the vet.

I really should have taken him sooner, of course. But he’s really not a very good patient, and I am what’s known as a “baby” and can’t stand to see (and hear) him suffer. I contend that my wife should be the one to take him, because while I have no doubt that she loves him as much as I do, she isn’t as emotionally invested in him as I am. She’s a nurse, and has been trained to ignore (if not somewhat relish) the suffering of others. Plus, as I said, I’m a baby.

I’ll be glad when this is over, that much is certain.

So, anyhow, enjoy the day and stay off the roads tonight. There’s sure to be a lot of drunk Republicans out there, and you don’t want one to run you over. No need to be casualty number 1 of 2012. Hell, we’re all gonna die next December anyway.

Another day, another…. I don’t know. Another boring post from me, I guess. Yesterday was a long, pain in the ass day. An outside contractor made some changes to a database that has nothing to do with me, but which my stuff interacts with in order to run scheduled batch reports (yes, this is the exciting work in which I operate). This caused the reports not to run, and of course the outside contractor (who seems none to sharp, IMHO) immediately engaged in what we in the IT world call “finger pointing.” Of course, nothing on our end of things had changed, everybody but the true schmucks of the world are off this week, and I got stuck spending my entire day researching it, and trying to figure out how to fix what this f*ckhead (sorry, but she was a very snotty in her e-mails, and was lucky she wasn’t in the same room with me, or I’d have choked her to the point of unconsciousness). We (and when I say “we,” I most definitely don’t include this ignorant, arrogant “contractor”) managed a workaround for now, but it killed my whole day yesterday (and who knows how much of today), and isn’t even something that’s in my sphere of responsibility. And I’ve got other shit I need to be doing – shit for which I was “discouraged” from taking any time off this week to finish (because the client didn’t send her changes to me until the afternoon of the Friday before Xmas Eve (a full week later than promised). Have I ever mentioned that I hate this shit?

Winter seems to have finally arrived here. It’s cold and snowy. Not major snow – just your basic white fluffy stuff to cover up the ground and pretty things up a bit. Not even enough to bother plowing the driveway (at least, I don’t think so; we’ll see when I try to leave this morning), and we’re still on track for the least December snow in recorded history (though we still have a couple days to go, so I wouldn’t bet on it). I don’t really mind the snow (to a certain limit; at a certain point it starts to get ridiculous) – but many of my moving parts don’t seem to like the cold all that much. Oh well.

I’m sure you’re all saying, “hey, thanks for the weather update, but what we really want to know is how the dentist went yesterday.”

Well, thanks for asking. Things went fine. I’ve been a very good boy for the past six months, and am good to go until July now. Best part is, preventative stuff is covered 100% by my insurance, so I had no out-of-pocket expenses. This is good, because I got my County/Town tax bills yesterday. Happy f’ing New Year.

Guess I better keep going to work. Why do these short weeks feel so goddamn long?

I was reading the wrapper on a roll of toilet paper the other day (‘cuz I didn’t have my Kindle handy), and on the back was a personal note from the “Wegmans Family.” It started out with, “We couldn’t help but notice that some of you prefer single-ply toilet tissue.” First, what are they trying to imply there? That we’re weird or something because we use single-ply? Hey, we’re on a septic system, man. Makes you think about what goes into the crapper. ‘Cuz let me tell you, what goes down definitely has the potential to come back up again. And it aint pretty.

Second, I’m really not comfortable with these people “noticing” what kind of toilet paper I prefer. It’s bad enough they track my purchases with their “Shoppers Club” card. Some things ought to remain private.

It looks like our snow drought is about to end. They’re predicting dropping temperatures this morning, and then snow later today and overnight. Not a blizzard, by any means, but somewhere from 4 to 8 inches. Anxious as I am to test my new plow blade, I hate to see it start.

No doubt you’ve heard that Sears is closing up to 150 Sears and K-Mart stores. They’ve let many of their stores go to hell, and it appears nobody wants to shop there anymore. Pretty shameful. K-Mart was never exactly “posh” (some worse than others; the one I used to go to in Maryland when I spent my summer in DC was one of the worst), but Sears…. Well, Sears used to have some good shit. A shame all the way around.

Sad news this morning, as it appears that Cheetah has passed away on Christmas Eve at the age of (roughly) 80. He was just a kid when he starred with Johnny Weismuller and Maureen O’Hara (mostly because when chimps get to be teens, they get very strong and potentially very dangerous, as the lady who had her face ripped off can attest to). Johnny and Maureen are long gone, but Cheetah will be missed by his best friend and checkers partner Tonga, who played Lancelot Link.

Guess I better get myself in gear. I have to leave a little early to go to the dentist today. Whoopee. Been looking forward to this for the past six months.

Back to work. Bleh. I actually did some work from home yesterday morning. If I have to work, I’d really prefer to do it from home. There’s really no reason I couldn’t. Except for the “Theory X” people in charge, who apparently feel that if you aren’t sitting at a desk in a windowless office, you won’t do anything. I honestly think I’d get more done from home and would probably work longer hours (I mean, a lot of my work day is comprised of getting ready and commuting – time I could spend actually accomplishing something). Plus I have a window. Daylight would go a long way toward making me happier and more productive. But, no.

I have support duty this week, so hopefully a lot of people are off. Talk about a productivity killer. Having to respond to idiot questions can get pretty tedious – especially since it’s mostly crap that has nothing to do with me. I mean, how the hell should I know when you’re gonna see your raise in your paycheck? Ever hear of a department called “Payroll”? People are stupid.

Mondays are getting more and more difficult for me these days. I spend the whole day filled with what I can only describe as despair. I think it’s the lack of daylight. I sat around with my sister and her hubby yesterday as we tried to brainstorm ways to make money (not for the first time). They’re retired and could use some extra money, and I would like to be retired. We couldn’t come up with anything.

Oh well, I suppose I ought to get my mind right and get going. I need to get gas on my way in (oh boy, more money).

Well, that’s over. A fairly painless holiday for me, and I actually managed to get a few chores done, which is nice. Yesterday started out as a white(ish) Christmas (just a dusting of snow to make things look nice), but then it got kind of warm and sunny, so the snow melted (at least the parts where the sun gets to – it doesn’t clear the trees in a lot of places at this time of year). I’m not sure if there’s anything out there this morning, ‘cuz it’s still too damn dark. Now it’s time to go fight the crowds at the mall. Not.

Much to my surprise, I saw that my teabagger anti-abortion RN congresscritter made the TPM Top Ten. She’s the “Freshman GOPer Didn’t Know Government Paid For Her Health Benefits” one.

A fun nugget buried in this story about Rep. Ann Buerkle’s (R-NY) first town hall meeting as an elected member of Congress. Constituents repeatedly asked a puzzled Buerkle about her health benefits. She couldn’t figure out why. But her staff sure could.

Buerkle, who voted to repeal the health care reform act, was twice asked about the health insurance she receives as a government employee. At first she said she couldn’t understand why people were so interested in her health insurance, and that taxpayers didn’t pay anything for it. She later corrected herself after being handed a note from a staffer.

I’m so proud.

In case you’re keeping score, she also voted against the payroll tax cut extension (despite having some “issues” with paying her own taxes).

Just to clarify: taxes for her? Bad. Taxes for you good. Healthcare for her? Good. Healthcare for you? Go Cheney yourself.

I’m sure you all feel bad for Newt, what with his inability to find 10,000 registered suckers voters to sign his petition to get on the ballot in Virginia. Poor Newt. Oh, and Ricky, too. It aint easy competing with the ghost of Herman Cain.

Damn. Seven o’clock, and still dark. When does spring get here already?

Happy birthday to Lola and Jesus. Glad to hear you’re feeling better (Lola, that is. Though I don’t think Jesus is feeling any pain these days either). If you’re into the whole Christmas thing, then Merry Christmas to you. If you’re in the middle of Chanukah, then Chappy Chanukah. If you’re into something else, then happy, joyous, whatever. And if you’ve just been waiting for the start of the NBA season, lucky you, it’s finally here. Whatever you’re up to today, enjoy it and try to remember those who are the most important. You know, millionaire job creators who shouldn’t have to pay taxes.

So, is “twas” a word? Or is it a contraction? I’m going with contraction.{{ct}}[[ct]]Not that a contraction isn’t a word, I guess. Just unsure if it requires the apostrophe or not.[[ct]] And, in looking it up online, I see it is, indeed, a contraction. So good for me. Even better, the next word in the dictionary (online, anyway) is “twaddell,” which is an excellent word, whatever it is.{{twd}}[[twd]]In case you care: “A form of hydrometer for liquids heavier than water, graduated with an arbitrary scale such that the readings when multiplied by .005 and added to unity give the specific gravity.” Kind of disappointing. Sounds like it ought to be some sort of vulgar euphemism, doesn’t it? “I gotcher twadell right here, buddy.”[[twd]] In the spirit of the season, I was looking for some feel-good, uplifting shit to add to my Netflix Instant Queue this morning, and settled on The Grapes of Wrath. Nothing like the Depression-era Dust Bowl to lift your spirits on Christmas Eve.{{gw}}[[gw]]The part where Granma Joad dies is a real hoot.[[gw]]

Christmas Eve? Holy shit, when did that happen? Not that I’m not happy to have Monday off, of course. Though I’m technically not “off” as I have the support duty on Monday. I won’t have to do much more (hopefully) than check in and make sure there are no web catastrophes, for which I earn an additional day off (actually 12 hours, I think, ‘cuz it’s Christmas – no war on Xmas here, by golly), so that’s a pretty good deal. My wife, sadly, got a shitty deal, and has to go to work today. Apparently there’s some sort of policy that all patients have to be screened within 48 (or is it 72? I forget) hours of admission, which means some people get screwed over when Monday (or Friday, I suppose) holidays roll around. And she got screwed on the day after Thanksgiving, too. Doesn’t seem fair.

I also have to get my car inspected today. Well, technically I don’t have to get it done today – I could wait a week. But I thought I’d be proactive and get it done ahead of time. I dunno about your neck of the woods, but this is always a concern here in NY. I hope I don’t get screwed over on anything. I’m throwing them an oil change in hopes that will satisfy their extortion quota.

On the bright side, the place I’m going to is right next to Radio Shack, Staples, and Home Depot.{{ds}}[[ds]]Oh, and the Dollar Store, too! Does going there make me officially old? Well, tough. I need some Chinese AAA batteries.[[ds]] So I should have plenty to do while I await sentencing{{rs}}[[rs]]Plus I actually need to get a project enclosure and a rocker switch at Radio Shack, and I could use a hunk of 10/4 SJ cord for my generator. Just in case you’re looking for stocking-stuffer ideas. I could always use another tape measure or set of screwdrivers, too.[[rs]]. Plus they have Wi-Fi, though I don’t reckon I’ll bring a computer with me. Somebody needs to buy me a Droid tablet.{{tab}}[[tab]]Hand-me-downs accepted. I’ll even settle for an iPad – and you don’t need to worry about getting it to me by Xmas; I can wait a few days. Shoot me an e-mail if you need my shipping address.[[tab]]

I keep forgetting to watch Current{{ctv}}[[ctv]]I’m kind of an HD snob. When do we get it in HD?[[ctv]], but stumbled across it this morning, and am watching the Young Turks Christmas Show (or whatever it is). I don’t find Crank nearly as annoying as I used to. And it’s nice to see him back together with Yank – even if it’s only for one show.

Now Olbermann is on. Haven’t seen him in a while, either. Guess I better make a fresh pot.

Well, y’all better get out there and get shopping. Only two weeks ’til Russian Christmas.

It’s December 23^rd, which means the post-Christmas sales are in the works. And Mitt Romney got an early Xmas present, with the endorsement of Bush the First. I wonder if Jr will endorse somebody. He won the Iraq War, single-handedly killed Osama, balanced the budget, lowered taxes, and there were no terrorist attacks{{t}}[[t]]Except the ones that were Clinton’s fault, which they would’ve prevented had they only know when, where, and how they were gonna happen. F*ckin’ Clinton.[[t]] on his watch, so I think getting the nod from him would be pretty impressive.

Speaking of impressive, engineers at the Missouri University College of Engineering have invented a “plasma torch toothbrush” that breaks up plaque (and maybe even will light your barbecue grill).

If you’re like me, you’re thinking, “I didn’t know they had dentists in Missouri – let alone engineers.”

Also impressive, a mother and her 17-yr old daughter gave birth on the same day{{b}}[[b]]And it wasn’t even in Missouri, though it was in NJ, which is kind of the Missouri and/or Mississippi of the Northeast.[[b]].

Isn’t that…um…nice?

Notice how there’s no mention of the father(s) in that story (or in the picture)?

Be funny if both had the same father, wouldn’t it? And they both know, but they don’t know they know, and they live with the father (but only as “friends”), and he knows, but he doesn’t know they know and they don’t know he knows, and everybody’s trying to keep everybody else from finding out, but they’re white and the father’s black, and so are the kids (plus all three have heads shaped like Stewie from Family Guy), and everybody’s always pretending not to notice, but their wacky married gay next door neighbors (who know, because they’re like, BFFs with the mothers and they always confide in each other about everything{{c}}[[c]]But never at the same time, and they’re sworn to secrecy.[[c]] – though the father doesn’t really like them because he’s vaguely homophobic{{h}}[[h]]But is “evolving” on the issue.[[h]] and is always lamenting the fact that his kids will turn out “fruity” but not in front of the mothers, because they don’t know he knows, ya know?) who babysit all the time because the mothers are stewardesses for Pan-Am{{p}}[[p]]The one gay guy custom tailors their uniforms (ironically, it’s the “butch” one. His flamboyant partner is a Native American Ironworker – named, in an homage to Mary McDonnell’s role in Dances with Wolves, “Speaks with a Lisp” – which opens the door for many hilarious “light in the loafers” jokes) so they always look better than all the other stewardesses. And, yes, I said stewardesses, because this takes place back in the good old days before “flight attendants” when stewardesses were young, beautiful, and skinny. And definitely not men. And they would never tell Alec Baldwin to turn off his cell phone – mostly because they hadn’t invented cell phones yet.[[p]] (but one – the mom/grandma – is also a spy for the CIA, and looks like Valerie Plame) and the father is a pilot (named Roger Murdock), are always making cracks that make everybody squirm uncomfortably.

I mean, would that be a great teevee show or what? Imagine the Christmas special, where the kids and the gay couple all fly to Paris{{p2}}[[p2]]Resulting in several “Gay Paree” jokes, of course.[[p2]] for the holidays and the mothers and the father are all part of the fight crew, and the one mother (the Valerie Plame one) has to steal secret documents from the Algerian Embassy in Paris that prove Iran is importing yellow cake Uranium from Niger{{y}}[[y]]In the end, it turns out to be a merry mixup, because the Shah of Iran – this was back in the old days, remember? – is actually trying to import a yellow wedding cake for his daughter Shahnaz’s wedding from a world famous Nigerian baker, and it’s not even a Nigerian from Niger, but a Nigerian from Nigeria – which is, what, like a Nigeriaian? – so to make up for the mistake, the US promises the Shah that if he ever gets cancer he can come to the US for treatment, ‘cuz, like, what could possibly go wrong with that?[[y]].

Except gay people couldn’t get married back when Pan-Am still existed and I’m pretty sure black people weren’t allowed to be pilots back then (except for maybe Kareem Abdul-Jabbar).

But, hey, poetic license, right?

Today is the shortest day of the year (yesterday was pretty much as short as today will be, though). Sunset here is at 4:33 this afternoon (in other words, about a half hour before I even emerge from my office – meaning even on a sunny day, it’s pitch black by the time I get in my car, let alone when I roll into my driveway. And the sun will never get higher than 23.5° at solar noon. Ah, but tomorrow…. Tomorrow we gain a whole 4 seconds of daylight (at least up here in my latitude). It isn’t much, of course, but at least we’ve turned the corner.

We’re also on track for the least snowiest December ever. Of course, one fairly small snowfall will take care of that, but, still, so far so good. This year, we’ve had a total of 1.7″ of snow. Last year at this time, we were already over 70″. And it got worse from there.

So, it appears that everybody thinks House Republicans (like my teabagger, anti-abortion crusading “representative”) are being assholes over this payroll tax thing. Yes, everybody.

Don’t be too hard on them. They just can’t help themselves; Republicans have the “dick” gene, and it sure as hell isn’t regressive. Many of them actually inherited the dick gene from both parents. These are known as “Christians”.

Fortunately, they probably don’t need to help themselves, ‘cuz I’m guessing Democrats will find a way to help them out (again, don’t be too hard on them – they all have the “spineless weasel” gene).

Oh well, time to get going, I suppose. It aint Friday yet, but we’re getting there.