All day yesterday, I was under the false impression that it was Wednesday. This is perhaps because I thought Monday was Tuesday (as demonstrated by the title of Monday’s post, “Tuesday”). This is both embarrassing and depressing (though it’s more depressing than embarrassing). It’s as if I’ve failed a day and am now forced to repeat it. Well that sucks. It doesn’t suck as bad as Rick Perry’s showing amongst the Iowa Caucasians, though{{I}}[[I]]I exaggerate, of course. According to the 2010 census, Iowa is a mere 91.3% white[[I]].

Poor Rick finished a distant fifth, and will be “reassessing” his campaign (in other words, he’s going back to Texas to have a good cry and console himself with a few executions). His dropping out can only be a good thing for Michele Bachmann, as the Batshit wing of the GOP can now throw together with the Dumbfuck faction to form a Stupid & Crazy Coalition, guaranteed to garner as much as 15% of the Republican vote. Unfortunately, Bachmann may turn her back on God and drop out of the race as well, which would of course be a shame. Michele, honey, have you no faith?

For other Ricks, however, it’s full speed ahead. Yes, the Santorum Surge continues, as Rick’s frothy mixture of homophobia and Kristianity led him to more or less a tie for first place with Mitt Romney after a rousing (and, might I say, arousing) record close Iowa caucus. And, speaking of arousing, there’s Ron Paul, who came in a fairly close third. Not that the Paulbots give a shit where he finishes. The sure do love them some Revolution.

The antithesis of arousing – Newt Gingrich – was a disappointment, of course, as he managed only a limp 13% of the votes cast last night (let’s face it, if a guy that white can’t get more than 13% in Iowa, he just aint gonna cut it). Poor Newt. He’s kind of like a fat little Energizer Bunny, always running around beating the “stupid” drum, occasionally showing some potential, but, in the end, never doing much of anything. Thank goodness. Things are bad enough without that piece of crap being Preznit.

So now we move on to New Hampshire, the second most important state in the Union. Will Santorum continue to be the darling of the day? Will Mitt parlay his first-place finish in Iowa into a string of victories en route to the nomination? Or will Donald Trump get back in. Then out. Then in again? Or is time for somebody else to get his or her 15 minutes?

Sarah Palin to the rescue, anyone?