Tuesday again. I don’t know about all of you, but I’m looking forward to another episode of The Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel.

OK, if you haven’t gotten your taxes done, it might be time to get started. I’m rather proud of the fact that I had mine done back in, like, February. Of course, mine aren’t exactly complicated, what with very little of my “wealth” being held in offshore accounts, no capital gains (nor losses) to report, and basically just my property taxes and mortgage interest to deduct. I probably could weasel out more than that, but, well, I’m not really into that sort of thing.

Remember that champion of hard-working stay-at-home moms, Mitt Romney? Turns out, while he may or may not think being a mom is hard, it appears he doesn’t think it’s very dignified.

In January, Romney touted his proposal as governor of Massachusetts to raise the amount of work required of parents on welfare so that they could “have the dignity of work.”
[…]
“I wanted to increase the work requirement,” said Romney in New Hampshire. “I said, for instance, that even if you have a child 2 years of age, you need to go to work. And people said, ‘Well that’s heartless.’ And I said, ‘No, no, I’m willing to spend more giving day care to allow those parents to go back to work. It’ll cost the state more providing that daycare, but I want the individuals to have the dignity of work.’”

Today is supposed to be 88 degrees here, and sunny. Until I get out of work, at which point it’s supposed to turn to sever storms (the same system that brought tornadoes to the Midwest, I guess). I’m not looking forward to that, as Fritzi doesn’t care for the boom-booms, and if it storms overnight, there won’t be much sleep for me. Not that I slept much last night. Being out of beer, I was unable to sedate myself. This was kind depressing, though this morning I was kind of grateful. I mean, Mondays are tough enough when you’re not hung over.

The question is, do I buy beer on the way home, or do I stay dry for another night?

Lost in all the excitement over Obama adviser concubine close personal friend acquaintance Hilary Rosen saying she hates stay-at-home moms, was that Charlie Manson was – shockingly – denied parole. Chuck is 77 years old, but his homemade swastika forehead tattoo is still holding up after all these years. Never fear, as Uncle Charlie will get another crack at release when he turns 92 (and I fully expect both he and Dick Cheney will still be alive).

The much feared North Korean launch of its Kwangmyongsong-3 satellite turned out to be a bust, as the rocket failed to enter orbit after splintering in to pieces shortly after liftoff. I’m thinking the North Koreans maybe should’ve passed on that one. Seeing as they don’t have enough money to feed their people, they should probably have saved the money.

Sad news for sports fans, as the Lingerie Football League has decided to suspend the 2012 season. They will, however embark on a promotional “all-star” world tour (not coming to a city near you, I’m afraid, unless you’re in Mexico City, Sydney and Brisbane, Australia, and possibly some cities in Asia).

Sports fans in Lubbock TX are in luck, though. No LFL games, but, for $100 an hour, you can hire a maid that will clean your house in the buff (or in lingerie).

“Excuse me, my dear, but I believe you missed a spot on the baseboard. No, to the left. A little lower…. Oh, that’s perfect.”

Oh well, let’s get this damn week over with already.

So, George Zimmerman has finally been arrested. It had nothing to do with all the protesting and outrage, though. Nope. Then it turns out his real name is George Dylan. But who cares about all this nonsense, anyway? The most important thing in the world right now is that somebody named Hilary Rosen said Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life. This is outrageous (other than the fact that Ann Romney has never actually worked a day in her life)! Especially since Hilary Rosen is actually Barack Obama in drag, pretending to not actually be affiliated with Obama or the DNC. Oh, we’re not falling for that load of crap.

Basically, this proves that Obama hates women – and mothers, in particular. I mean, it’s hard work maintaining a staff and hiring maids and nannies and all that (not to mention getting your Cadillac serviced and whatnot).

Ann, of course, knows what it’s like to struggle. Oh, not financially, heavens no. She was born to money and married more money. But she does have MS, which has interfered with her horse riding activities, and she did have a lumpectomy. But, hey, it’s not like being married to a millionaire gets you any special medical care. Not in the good old US of A, where everybody gets treated the same.

So, clearly, Obama needs to apologize for this Rosen woman, and then do the decent thing and resign.

Oh, and Nerlens Noel is a dick.

Poor Rick Sanatorium. What was once a frothing campaign has ended, not with a powerful ejaculation, but with a pathetic little dribble. Loser. He should have stayed in longer and made Mitt spend some more money on attack ads in PA. Oh well. Once again, NY doesn’t get a say in anything. Not that I’d be voting in a Republican primary, of course. But still.

Hey, how’s this for a blast from the past: FL congresscuckoo Allen West says he’s “heard” that up to 80 House Democrats are members of the Communist Party. Not sure if he just watched “J. Edgar” on Netflix or what.

Besides being delusional, West is also just a wee bit megalomaniacal, having told a crowd of his supporters that he wanted to debate Obama, bit he can’t ‘cuz Obama is scared of him. Yeah. ‘Cuz you’re always seeing sitting Presidents going out and debating obscure, insane, pissant Congressmen. Unless they’re afraid, of course.

Are you a lonely and pathetic adolescent (emotionally, anyway) male (or female, I suppose)? Well, then here’s something right up your alley: BateFlix.

…BateFlix is setting out to locate the best nudity available on Netflix.

The recommendation engine allows users to search the Netflix database for movies containing nudity, sex scenes, masturbation and more.

So, let me get this straight, you have the Internet, and want to look at “nudity, sex scenes, masturbation and more” (there’s more?), so you use your Internet connection to go and find movies containing that sort of thing on NetFlix? Um. I’m pretty sure you can do better than that, and then you won’t have to sit through all the boring stuff to catch a glimpse of a boobie.

Hard to believe this is only Wednesday. That’s pretty depressing. Feels like it ought to be at least Thursday.

Nothing ruins your Friday like finding out it’s actually Tuesday.

It was definitely not easy to drag my ass out of bed and to work this morning. And I can see that sitting here for the rest of the day is going to be very painful. I was pretty darn close to using a sick day, but it’s kind of a crappy day out today, and who wants to waste a sick day on that, what with warmer weather coming (hopefully; not sure if we’re going to get punished for the mild winter with a crappy summer).

Yesterday was nice, though. Kind of windy (even windier today – and colder), but nice and sunny. I had to put the hood up on my sweatshirt while I was out on the tractor (I knew it was risky, but fortunately no neighborhood vigilante came out and shot me).

Right now, I’m waiting to see if Rush, Bill-O, and the rest of their ilk will caution us against a rush to judgement on Tulsa good old boys Jake England and Alvin Watts. They look like they fell off the back of Tom Joad’s truck.

Here’s something I never thought I’d get to say: “Bubba won the Masters.”

So, Mike Wallace passed away. I guess I can finally forgive him for that fuxturd he spawned. Everybody certainly remembers Mike from 60 Minutes, but I’ll always remember him for “Biography” – 59 episodes that I didn’t watch on the teevee (because I was too young), but which they used to run for us in the middle school auditorium. I always enjoyed those (they were way better than sitting in class).

So long, Mike. You really knew how to make ’em squirm.

I hope you all had a good Friday and were passed over (especially you first born folks) and whatever else it is that people do this time of year. Being a heathen, I’m somewhat left out (not that I mind), so I’ll just be doing whatever it is I usually do. I suppose I should get the mower out and put it on the tractor. I’m not really in a hurry about that, though. So maybe I’ll just sit in the sun and read while the puppies run around and get themselves exhausted.

The roads were pretty empty this morning, so I guess that means a lot of people took the day off to celebrate the execution of some poor guy a couple thousand years ago. Not sure what’s “good” about that, but I guess you have to base your religion around something, and what’s better than torture and death? I never really got the whole “Jesus had to die to atone for our sins” thing. I mean, what good did that possibly do? Did all the sinners get a “get out of hell free” card or something? I guess I should have asked back when I was going to Religious Ed., but I don’t really remember questions being encouraged.

They sure do know how to celebrate Good Friday in the Philippines.

Thousands of people gathered in Philippine villages to watch devotees being nailed to crosses as they marked Good Friday by re-enacting Jesus Christ’s suffering….

Nine men wearing crowns of twigs on their heads were crucified for a few minutes by villagers dressed as Roman centurions in northern Pampanga province’s San Pedro Cutud village. At least eight other people were nailed to crosses in neighboring villages.

Jesus, that smarts.

Oh well, whatever cross is yours to bare, I hope you have a good Friday.

Ooh. Pitched a shutout yesterday. I think that’s a first. The end could well be nigh. Anyhow, I was on my out the door this morning, and I heard NPR mention something about this being Holy (aka “Maundy” though I don’t know anyone who actually says that) Thursday. That whole Catholic thing never really took with me, but I can only conclude that this means Sunday is Easter. This is pretty astonishing news (is it early this year?). Has it really been almost 40 days since Mardi Gras? And shouldn’t this really be a four-day weekend kinda thing? You know Good Friday, Super Saturday, Easter Sunday, and Marvelous Monday? I mean, what kind of godless country is this where I don’t get any time off for Easter? How can people make such a big freakin’ deal about birth control when I don’t get time off for Easter? And where are Insanity and O’Reilly and that other guy that looks like Butthead (or is it Beavis) who peaked during the OJ trial? They should be clamoring about the War on Easter.

So, anyhow, as I recall (from movies like “The Robe”), today is all about the Last Supper, which makes me wonder why it’s a tradition to have a big Easter Dinner (which is never at dinner time). I mean, shouldn’t we have the big dinner tonight? Sunday was the day the dead guy came walking around with a hole in his side. Not particularly appetizing, I don’t think (and, stick your finger in the hole, Thomas? That’s kinda gross).

But, whatever. You can’t buck tradition. Not that I’ll be engaging in any activities on Sunday (not Easter-related, anyway). Not that I know of. When I was a kid, we always had ham, of course (I think that was to spite the Jews, but I’ve never gotten confirmation of that).

Speaking of Confirmation, I never got that, either. I started, but was kind of a dropout (they wanted me to go to classes after school and write a letter to the Bishop proclaiming my faith or something like that; what’re they nuts?), which I guess means I’m not a soldier of God, and will be going to hell (which is kind of a given, considering I haven’t been to church – let alone confession – in more years than I can recall). I think I “confessed” before my friend Buster’s wedding (which was probably like 25 years ago). I was the Best Man, and they had the whole Catholic thing, so I figured it would be good if I ate the wafer instead of stepping outside for a beer or something.

I wonder how Buster’s doing these days.

Oh well, have a happy – if not holy – Thursday. Let’s hope tomorrow’s a good Friday.