Apparently, Syracuse is one of the least bible-minded cities in the US. The American Bible Society (which I really, really hope isn’t tax-exempt) did some kind of idiot survey on “Bible-mindedness”, which they quantified by how often respondents said they read the Bible and how accurate they think it is. I’m proud to say we came in near the bottom – 86 out of 100. We’re a mere 3 spots less bible-minded than that den of iniquity New York City, which itself is only one spot ahead of Las Vegas (I’ve only been to Vegas that one time, and I didn’t see a lot of bible studying going on though I reckon there was probably some praying in the casinos).

Shit, we’re even 13 spots lower than Los Angeles (not San Fran, though, y’all came in at 97 and with a little fornication I think you can leapfrog number 98 Boston next year).

I’d also like to congratulate our sister cities in NY – Rochester(83), Buffalo(95 – congrats Sean, wherever you are) and our State Capital, Albany, which finished damn near last at number 99 (funny, you’d think all our State legislators would bring that number up – I’m sure they spend their free time reading the bible when they aren’t busy doing the people’s work).

Can we get rid of that tax-exempt status for churches in NY now?

My advice to all you bible-thumpin’ holy rollers out there? Stay off I-90 in New York State – the Thruway corridor is not interested in your bullshit.

I’d like to commission a better study that I think would give us a more accurate peek into the brains of all those “bible-minded” folks out there. First, ask them if the bible is accurate. Then quiz them about some of the shit that’s actually in it and see if they knew it was there.

Q: Do you believe the bible is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

A: Dang right I do – ever’ dad gum word, praise the baby Jesus!

Q: You do know that the bible teaches us that Jesus despised the idea of “profit?”

A: Whut, you get that from some fake commie, liberal bible?

Q: Did you know the bible says after your wife gives birth to a boy, she isn’t allowed to go to church for 33 days? And for a girl, it’s 66 days?

A: Whut?

Q: Yep.

A: Well that don’t seem right.

Q: Bible says you’re not supposed to eat shellfish, too.

A: Even crawdads?

Q: Especially crawdads.

A: I’ma hafta look that up.

Q: And no tattoos, or you’re going to hell.

A: But my daddy wuz in the Navy. He had uh anchor on his right arm and “Mom” on his left where she’d be closer to his heart. :love:

Q: Well, he’s going to hell, then.

A: But he passed from the cancer back in ’93.

Q: Oh, sorry. He’s already in hell, then.

A: Well that’s just plain dumb.

Q: So, do you still believe the bible is the truth?

A: Ever’ dad gum word!

You’d think that there wouldn’t be a whole lot of difference between -7° and +7°, but let me tell you, there is. Day before last, I couldn’t keep my windows defrosted on my way home from work when it was about ten below out. Last night felt downright warm when it was about five degrees. And this morning it’s a mere -1 at the moment, which feels way better than -20 did the other day.

And it’s supposed to get all the way up to 15 today and damn near 30 tomorrow (of course, it’s also supposed to get really windy and snowy, too, and still colder than hell at night and get really cold again starting Sunday). I do believe those goddamn woolly bears were lying to me back in the fall.

So, it’s finally Friday, ya bastids. That means Bill Maher tonight, and it looks like a decent show with Erin Brockovitch (I hear she’s going to play the lead in the new Julia Roberts biopic) on to (I assume) maybe talk about poisoning the water in West Virginia (which is totally safe now, move along nothing to see). Also Willie Nelson. Can’t imagine what Bill will want to talk to him about. :bong: Plus Howard Dean, who can talk about pretty much anything – but I reckon the “individual mandate” in Obamacare will come up.

Oh, and Carly Fiorina, who will hopefully just shut the fuck up.

OK, now let’s get out there and get this week over. Well, you get out there. I’m working from home today, so I’ll stay put.