I know we’re all saddened by the demise of the soon-to-be dearly departed House Majority Leader Eric Cantor. Sure, we’ll all miss his smug demeanor, his Prada shoes, his firmly cemented hair, and his eternal snarl. But the worst part of all this is that it propels him into Republican Party martyrdom – free of his congressional responsibilities (like perpetually voting to abolish Obamacare and whatever the hell else these parasites spend their time doing), brother Eric will now have plenty of time to make the rounds on Fux “News” shows (perhaps he’ll even get a show of his own), get paid a bundle for speaking engagements, and in general attempt to bolster his national political ambitions (not to mention his campaign war chest). I mean, it’s not like the Republicans have anybody else to run in 2016.

Or do they? I mean, Chris Christie, the other fat guy – Huckleberry or something is it? – Rand Paul, that Eddie Munster-looking dude, Ted “Joe McCarthy only dumber-looking” Cruz, Jeb the Once and Future Bush…? Am I missing anybody?

I guess there’s that group of Bozos who are even too crazy and stupid for Republicans – Scott Walker – Wisconsin Ranger, Rick “Dumber than Bush” Perry, the ever-frothy Rick Santorum, and token minorities Bobby Jindal and Marco Polo Rubio.

I dunno, none of these people are exactly inspirational. I don’t think they’re bringing Mittens back for another crack at it. What about Bob Dole – he’s not dead yet, is he? Clinton v. Dole – it has a nice ring to it.

How about a chick? That Nikki Haley Barbour from South Carolina ticks a lot of boxes – female, minority, teabagger, not bad looking, Southerner. Team her up with some Republican shithead from a big state – say, Darrel Issa from California – and I think they’d have a pretty formidable Hillary-bustin’ team.

But apart from that “dream team,” Eric Cantor is just as crappy a candidate as the rest of them. Sadly, I don’t think it matters who they run, ‘cuz no matter how shitty their candidate is, I have a feeling he or she is gonna wind up winning. Just ‘cuz.

The Republicans have been holding back a whole lot of Clinton venom for about 15 years now – and that shit only gets stronger as it ages. Add to that the whole Koch-fueled, unlimited money thing, and things are gonna get vicious.

It won’t be like the first Obama campaign when they weren’t real sure about how to attack a black guy. I mean, they wanted to call him a you-know-what, but it took them a while to figure out how to go about it (say, by photoshopping him as a jungle witch doctor or saying he was secret Kenyan Muslim Manchurian Candidate).

They’ll be all-in on Hillary from the git-go. Hell, they’re all in on her already, and she aint even officially running yet.

I just thank my lucky stars that I’m not in a battleground state (and that I have a DVR so I don’t have to watch commercials), because the ads are gonna be nasty and relentless – probably starting at the end of this year.

But I guess for now I’ll quit worrying about that, and worry about getting ready for work. My second late day of the week, and one I’m not looking forward to, especially since I didn’t get much sleep last night.