I suspect there’s a very good chance you haven’t been following the trial that’s been captivating locals in these parts for the past few days. No, not the hearing in Oswego County to see if there will be a new trial for the guy who was convicted 20 years ago of kidnapping and killing a high school girl named Heidi Allen despite the fact that there was not only no body, forensic evidence or eyewitness testimony but (as we are now learning) the Sheriff’s Department and District Attorney either ignored or deliberately covered up a shitload of evidence that the original defense was never allowed to see let alone present at trial (though, this is actually a pretty fascinating case for those of who remember all this going down back in 1994). But, no, the really big news around here is Rick Springfield’s killer ass.

Apparently, at a NY State Fair performance back in 2004, local woman Vicki Calcagno claims that

…Springfield struck her while performing in the crowd during an Aug. 28, 2004 concert at Chevy Court. His buttocks caused “serious, disabling and permanent injuries,” according to her 2007 lawsuit.

She claimed the incident left her disoriented or unconscious for at least 10 minutes….

It seems that Rick was leaning backwards on stage and fell over into the crowd. Calcagno snapped this damning photo of the ass moments before it attacked.

Apparently there was also a woman in the witness protection program between Rick’s legs.

Here’s a picture of Rick on the stand – clearly attempting to hide his violent buttocks by sitting on it.

Now, far be it for me to doubt Vicki’s suffering in all this, but, to me, it doesn’t look like Rick’s ass could do a hell of a lot of damage – even if you dropped it from a great height. I mean, the guy’s waste is about as big around as my left thigh.

Still there has been compelling testimony.

Springfield was emotional…when his lawyer, John Pfeifer, asked him about going out into the audience to be closer to his fans. Springfield choked up and was given a tissue for his tears.

“I get emotional sometimes,” Springfield said.

Springfield answered questions for more than 90 minutes often smiling and occasionally laughing. Goldblatt asked Springfield if he was a heartthrob and Springfield agreed with a smile. Goldblatt also asked Springfield if he’s ever been grabbed by female fans.

Springfield said it’s common for women at his concerts to “grab my butt if they’re feeling a little saucy.”

Hey, who can blame them.