It occurs to me that we’re not getting La Cosa Trumpa (remember when Mike Malloy used to refer to the “Bush Crime Family” – HA! Small potatoes. Now we’ve got the cast of Goodfellas running the show, with Joe Pesci as Communications Director) out of the White House anytime soon. I’m no expert on the law or what constitutes an impeachable offense (seems to me there’s plenty to choose from here), but I kind of understand the way things work, and given craven greed and cowardice of everybody who can actually do anything about this, I think it’s fair to say we’ll be lucky to get off with a four-year sentence, if not eight. What I do know is that majority rules in the Reichstag, and as long as what passes for the Republican Party these days thinks they can control their useful idiot Bohemian Corporal, they’ll stand with him. Or at least near him. At any rate, as long as these – for lack of a better term – people hold even a single vote majority, we’re stuck with this bunch (and even if they somehow managed to impeach this fucker, there’s no way 2/3 of the Senate will vote to convict. I mean, when it’s a huge “victory” to barely defeat this “skinny” repeal vote that nobody on either side actually wanted to see pass, it just aint gonna happen.

But, in case you didn’t realize it before, it’s been made painfully obvious to all of us (and, sadly, to the rest of the world) that any asshole can get elected President. Unlike, say, the British Monarchy, power here doesn’t come from divine right (or from some watery tart throwing a sword at you), rather it comes when the majority (sort of) of assholes elect you to be king of the assholes. So now we’re stuck with this orange turd that should have been flushed down the gold-plated commode a long, long time ago.

Well, so be it, I guess.

But if Congress can’t thwart the will of the assholes, I’m kind of hoping for some small gesture. Namely, I’d like them to enact legislation that requires a President-elect and any of his appointees (as condition of their confirmation) to pass a test (or series of tests). Nothing terribly difficult. Just so they understand things like how a bill becomes a law, and the whole three branches of government and separation of powers, and where the US Constitution comes from (that there in fact is a US Constitution, why our forefathers came up with it, that, no we have more than four fathers, that the whole inconvenient Bill of Rights thing is mandatory – not just the part where it says we get to have all the guns we want, all the time in our well-regulated militia-of-ones)…. You know, basic we were taught in public school that they apparently had to skip over in those elite boarding schools in order to make time for lacrosse practice and cheerleading or whatever it is they do in those places where the wealthy folks send their ne’er-do-well spawn to get them the fuck out of the mansion for a few years.

And if we can’t subvert the will of the assholes, if the newly elected President can’t pass the test, he (or she – ha! – that’s a joke, son) can keep retaking it, but in the meantime Congress can appoint a regent to handle all the basic, big-boy things that need to get done in order to keep the country functioning. Maybe one of those smart woman types that everybody seems to fear and loathe.

Nothing like having a mommy type around to settle down the boys, after all.

OK, sure. I entered the bank that night hoping to grab as much money as I could carry. But it turns out the safe was empty. So, nothing to see here you lying fake news bastards. If only Dick Hickock and Perry Smith had known about this defense, the Clutters would still be alive. Well, the kids maybe. I guess the parents would be over 100. But you get what I mean – if you try to do something illegal, immoral, or just plain not nice, and you don’t get what you want, then you didn’t do anything wrong (unless you’re Catholic, of course, in which case – as my mother and George Carlin could tell you – it’s thought, word, and deed so we’re all going to hell). But if you’re a God-fearing Republican, then you’re covered (also, if you don’t get caught, don’t admit to anything, and then declare that even if you did do what you didn’t do, it’s OK because there was nothing illegal about doing it, and, anyway, everybody else does it, plus “Crooked Hillary”, am I right?).

Anyhow, I think it’s time for Jared to take Fredo Jr. out for a little ride in a rowboat, if you know what I mean. No sense in waiting for his mother (which one was she now? Number one, right?) to die. He’s even dumber than his old man, and that’s saying a lot.

You know, as bad as things are, thank goodness all the Republican players are dumber than a box of rocks. Imagine if these idiots were even marginally competent. I guess the GOP nomination process weeds out the competent people these days – when you have to appeal to the “base” and your base is a collection of inbred, mouth-breathing morons, you don’t exactly attract the cream of the crop. Not that the Democrats have much to crow about either. But at least most of them appear to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time.

UPDATE: Not to prove my point or anything, but…

Majority of Republicans Think College Has a Negative Impact, According to New Survey https://t.co/pFCoyZbOfD

— Dr. Will (@iamDrWill) July 12, 2017

It’ll be a miracle if we survive all this.

Today’s my wife’s anniversary, so wish her luck because as much as a pain in the ass as her husband’s been for the past 19 years, it doesn’t look like things will be getting any easier over the next 19. Yeah, hard to believe it’s only already been 19 years since I agreed to something or other that I couldn’t actually hear because they apparently decided to divert all air traffic over my in-law’s back yard. I guess I should have known something was up when I was told to wear a suit and there was a tent set up with food and stuff. As I recall there were a bunch of candles and a 90 mph wind that managed to set a lace tablecloth on fire, and then my fate was sealed.

I tried to look up what was going on back on July 11, 1998 (a Saturday), but I couldn’t find much of anything. A guy named Bill Clinton was President (ah, those were the days), Siggy wouldn’t be born until November, my mom was still alive (less than a year to go), and we were still surfing the web on a 56k dial-up connection (though in another month RoadRunner would become available in our neighborhood and that, as they say, changed everything). OJ was still a free man, Bill Cosby was still a beloved father figure, and Donald Trump was an asshole, but a relatively harmless asshole as long as you didn’t live in one of his properties or otherwise do any business with him.

About all I could find of interest for that date was an item that Jon Lovitz had been signed on to replace Phil Hartman on News Radio (hard to believe that was almost 20 years ago), former Packer’s running back Elijah Pitts died the day before at the age of 60 (which seem terribly young to me these days), and the current “hit” on US radio was “The Boy Is Mine” by Brandy & Monica – a song (and duo) I have absolutely zero memory of. The most interesting thing I can across was actually from three years earlier in the Chicago Tribune:

As many as 40 lingering people identified by police as fans of the Grateful Dead had an illegal nightcap early Wednesday morning at the revolving restaurant atop Chicago’s downtown Days Inn. The “Deadheads” sneaked into the Pinnacle restaurant, somehow started it rotating, “broke into the liquor cabinets and decided to have a party,” Det. Todd Roney said. Twenty people were arrested at 4:30 a.m. at the hotel, 644 N. Lake Shore Drive, and charged with theft, Roney said. In addition to charges of stealing $300 in booze, the Deadheads are accused of pilfering candles used for heating food. The bizarre break-in occurred on the heels of two sold-out weekend shows by the Dead at Soldier Field.

And from the follow-up a couple of days later:

Investigators said 20 people-about half the number who had commandeered the revolving restaurant atop the hotel-were arrested.

After allegedly stealing booze valued at $300 from liquor cabinets, members of the group figured out how to work the mechanism that got the dining room of the Pinnacle, a 33rd-floor banquet facility, to begin rotating.

The party ended when hotel security called the authorities, police spokesman Pat Camden said.

Those who couldn’t post bond became temporary guests at the East Chicago District station, as did a malamute belonging to one of the suspects.

Ha! I haven’t decided if the best part of that is that they got the revolving bar to start spinning, or that they had their dog with them.

Either way, typical deadheads. No violence, nothing destructive. Just wanted to have a few drinks and dig the view.

But no time to celebrate – hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work we go.

Happy Anniversary, honey.

In the morning while I get up and eat my oatmeal and check the Internets, I’ve gotten accustomed to putting the teevee on on my computer. Once upon a time (prior to last November) I used to put the lo-cal news on but these days I find that horribly aggravating and not very good for my health (even though my BP seems to be good – kinda low most of the time, to be honest – doesn’t seem to be worth taking the risk of a blood vessel blowing out in my brain), so I tend to put on something easier on the mind. Usually one of the Science Channels, but occasionally I might watch one of the three flavors of Law and Order that are more or less on 24/7 (you can find all three in the AM as early as I get up). I think this will be ending in November when the price of PlayStation Vue goes up $10. It’s on the border of not being worth it to me at $35 a month – for $45, I don’t think so, and the promise of adding local channels isn’t worth it. But we’ll see – on the odd chance that SU Football doesn’t suck (again) this fall, I might keep it around for the sports.

Anyhow, the advantage here is that I can put on something mindless that I don’t really have to pay attention to (or in the case of the Science stuff, learn something), but that helps to drown out the voices in my head. The bad part is the fucking commercials – pretty much the same ones over and over again. Commercials and promos for other shows. I have no idea who this Kendra person is, or why anybody would give a shit about her or her mother who is apparently writing a “tell all” book about her. I don’t care about the trials and tribulations of the children of rap “stars” (that I’ve never heard of, because I’m old) who are “Growing Up Hip-Hop” (and, really, you think you’re gonna find your target audience for this by promoting it during the 5:00 AM showing of reruns of Law and Order: SVU?), and if I have to hear the British guy holler about the “spinnie turny cagey fiery thing” one more time, I think I’m gonna scream.

Then of course there are the auto insurance commercials, about accident forgiveness and how company X really “takes care of you” unlike the others. One woman says “you buy a new car and drive into a tree and now your insurance company wants to raise you rates. Maybe you should’ve done more research on your insurance company.” Yeah. Or maybe you shouldn’t have driven your car into a tree. Either way, if you think the business model for any of these companies is to give you free money from the goodness of their own hearts, then you’re nuts. It’s like “free” shipping – you’re paying for it, one way or another.

Then there’s the company that sends out a repair crew when your kid gets a flat tire in the middle of the night, because your kid doesn’t know a lug wrench from a pry bar. I hate to sound like grumpy old man, but, sorry, but if the kid doesn’t know how to change a tire, that’s on you. I don’t care if you’ve got AAA or even if you never actually have to do it, it’s something you need to know HOW to do, ‘cuz you just never know (which I’ve told the wife but, hey, why would she start listening to me now?). I mean, you really want to be waiting around for a tow truck in the middle of the night (when it’s about 20 below out) – or have to walk because you don’t have cell reception (which, admittedly, seems pretty unlikely these days – back in MY day, you’d have to walk to a pay phone or rely on the kindness of strangers).

I know my dad made sure my sister and I (and my brothers, too, I assume) knew how to change a tire – which in fact we had to do one time while out and about when I was maybe 8 years old and she was 17 or so. And I’ve changed more flats since then than I can count – even helping out a damsel (well, more of a dame than a damsel) in distress on my way home one time. I got filthy, but she did offer me $2, which I politely declined because I really wasn’t in it for the money.

There’s not a lot of wisdom us old-timers have left to impart upon these whippersnappers, but changing a tire ought to be one of them. I’ve often said that high school should include some basic survival skills – like basic auto repair, basic wiring, basic plumbing, that kind of stuff. If you’re lucky, you’ll never need it. But it’s nice to know what to do when a pipe bursts in your ceiling (hint – shut the water off, to the whole house if necessary. It at least stops the flood and gives you a chance to figure out what to do next).

Oh well, I guess I’ll get back to seeing how buttons are made.

Enjoy what’s left of your weekend.

Holidays that aren’t on Mondays or Fridays usually kind of suck. At least for those of us who weren’t able to take the preceding (or following) day off. Being on call this week, I fall into that category, so not only did I have to work yesterday (though I did it from home, which kinda took the edge off a bit), but I’m on call today (and, in fact, I’ve gotten one call so far that I had to deal with, and now I’ll be worried all night about what else might happen) so I couldn’t really do much of anything even if I was still the kind of person who actually did things. So I feel relatively fortunate that I don’t have any friends or plans to grill up some burgers and drink beer today. Mostly my plans involve wasting time going to Home Depot for shit they claimed to have in stock but didn’t, and then cobbling something else together that didn’t work either. So, yeah, so far so good. Later, I guess I’ll do some laundry and then of course get my lunch ready so I can go back to work tomorrow (where I have to attend a stupid meeting).

So, anyway, I’ve seen a bunch of the typical flag-waving, proud to be an American type sentiments expressed around the Internets (the US parts of it, anyway) today. I hope I’m not being a commie pinko blame America firster or anything, but, I gotta say, I’m not feeling a lot of pride. The US certainly has a list of great achievements (and plenty of things that we typically like to kind of overlook – like that whole Native American genocide thing, and slavery, and treatment of women, and, well, I won’t get into all that right now) in our relatively short history, but I can’t think of much we’ve done that’s admirable lately.

Frankly, if you look at where we are and where we appear to be headed, I’d have to say it’s all pretty depressing. I can’t think of anything to be proud of. Oh, there are individuals who are pretty admirable and inspiring, for sure. But as a whole? Let’s just say America aint the same America we at least used to pretend we were when I was growing up. Now we can’t even pretend to be anything but a fat, ignorant, greedy, mean-spirited, nihilistic wasteland. In fact, I think those are exactly the things that those flag-waving “patriots” out there take pride in.

And most of all, they’re proud that they elected their King.

Then again, maybe I’m just grumpy because I didn’t get much of a day off.