I went to the doctor the other day for my annual physical (which I’ve got down to once every two years). The nurse told me my urine looked good. “Well, gee, thank you.” These are the kinds of compliments you get once get past 50, I guess. Not, “you have nice eyes,” or even “I love the way your silver hair sparkles under these fluorescent lights.” Just, “hey, good-looking urine you got there, pops.” Well, I guess you take what you can get.
I really don’t like going to doctors (I suppose most people would say the same, though I think it’s a social activity and source of conversation for some people). Nothing personal against my doctor, of course – she seems nice enough. Better than most I’ve encountered over my years of working (albeit peripherally) in healthcare industry. The only professionals that come close to rivaling the arrogance of physicians are (please forgive me for saying this, Kat) attorneys. And the lawyers aren’t even close (I’ve met many more normal, down-to-earth – or at least pleasant – lawyers than I have doctors – there were some law professors who were real pieces of work though).
Of course, when you’re the patient (as opposed to some worker bee, who, clearly, must be an idiot because otherwise you’d be a doctor, after all), most doctors at least pretend the mere sight of you doesn’t fill them with disdain, which I guess is good enough (just don’t think you’re fooling anybody, ya bastids).
The main problem with doctors of course, is that they’re all a bunch of goddamn perverts (worse than nurses, and that’s saying a lot). You’re lucky if you get to “hi, how ya doin'” before they’re trying to stick their finger up your ass (not judging anybody, if that’s your thing. I just prefer to get to know somebody a little better first).
But, apparently, I’m a man “at that age” (a phrase I’ve truly begun to detest) where these perverts feel justified in snapping on the ol’ glove and poking around. And it seems the doc isn’t content to just feel around up there, but is now clamoring for pictures, because she’s insisting that I get a colonoscopy, for which it seems I’m not only “at” the age, but rather well beyond it.
So now I’ve got to go for a “screening” on Thursday morning, where I assume they’ll ask me all the questions I’ve already answered on the form I already mailed back to them, hand me a gallon jug of some vile concoction designed to make me shit myself inside out, and then charge me (and my insurance company) some ridiculous amount of money to go and sit and wait so some NP can talk to me for two minutes.
So, one day – a vacation day, at that – shot to hell. Though of course that’s the easy part. I’ll be wasting another day eating lime jello and sitting on the toilet (thank goodness they invented laptops and WiFi – I only wish I had room for the PlayStation in there), and another day getting a goddamn roto-rooter shoved up my ass.
Well, I’ll try anything once. But if I don’t have colon cancer, they’re not getting me to do this again.
They want to gradually ease me into a post-retirement life the revolves around doctor’s appointments, invasive medical procedures, and, if I’m lucky, the early bird special at the diner. No good food, though. And no beer. No fun allowed.
Friday will be even worse, unfortunately, as it’s dog #2’s (of three) turn at the vet. Another vacation day down the tubes, but I suppose it’s better than working, and he isn’t due for anything too terrible. I just wish I knew the trick to getting them to get on the scale, because I’m getting a little too old (and they’re all getting a little to big – Friday’s candidate was 85 pounds last year, and he sure as hell hasn’t gotten any smaller) for that shit.
Today was supposed to be a work-from-home day for me, but because life sucks and then you die (after a few years spent rotting in doctor office waiting rooms), the remote connection to my workplace wasn’t working (never fear – as soon as I got here, they fixed it). Once I realized I’d have to go to into the office, I had to hurry up with my coffee and breakfast and shower and all that so I could make it to the bust stop on time. Oh, and did I mention it was about 30 degrees and snowing?
Sometimes, it just doesn’t seem worth it, you know?
I’m not saying Starbucks (at the very least, the now-infamous one in Philly and I guess this one in LA) isn’t reprehensible, but beyond that, it’s also very shitty coffee. I mean, very, very shitty. In order to achieve “roast consistency,” they roast their beans to charred cinders (I learned this, having switched from brewing beer to roasting coffee, which really isn’t the same, but it does take a lot less time and money).
I guess if you want to load that bile up with milk and sugar and candybars and whatever the hell else they put in a $5 cup of their crap, maybe it doesn’t matter. But if you want a cup of actual coffee, you should go someplace where they don’t hate black people. Like maybe Panera or Brueggers.
So, Barbara Bush died. Kinda surprised they didn’t convene a special session of Congress in order to try and force the family into putting her on prolonged artificial life support, but….
Wait, wait – don’t go.
Yesterday’s real loss.
Also Harry Anderson, which was very sad news indeed.
Another nice April morning – 32 degrees and snow. They say it may actually get up to 40 today (if the sun comes out), but, never fear, more snow tonight, tomorrow, Friday….
Pretty sure I saw the Easter Bunny go by. In the mouth of a coyote.
I guess I missed the announcement when Barbara Bush was annointed most beloved First Lady since Dolley Madison, ‘cuz I’m just not gettin’ it.
I mean, remember when she was worried that the scary black poor people would want to stay in Texas after Katrina?
I took that hose earlier this year. Just so you don’t get me wrong, I hate the current gatekeeper doctor I am stuck with who kept insisting it was overdue. He reminds me of an unfunny Colonel Klink, no pun intended. His prime directive is to make it rain for him and his employers. Well, it was, but on a return visit he suggested instead of waiting for ten years for the replay I should do it again in five, just in case I drop dead in less than a decade. He also hawked the new shingles vax, misdiagnosed a skin condition that was already dealt with by the dermatologist he referred to me four years ago that billed out as about $100 of tubes of goo that cost about $10 at a dollar store, ordered tests for gout which I haven’t taken because the next day it became obvious that was not my foot problem, and failed to get one of my scrips refilled that I requested. I guess I should be happy I have had good docs than bad through the years. Say what you will, nurses should run the health mess.
Full disclosure, lawyers run in my family and I was a big disappointment when I did not pursue that path. Maybe if I had, I would be better equipped to navigate the rough waters of Social Security and Medicare successfully instead of just losing and paying and paying and losing.
Speaking of a passing I was sad about today.
Sounds like you need a different doctor. Easier said than done, I know. If you can, find a woman doc. If nothing else, they have smaller fingers.
Nurses already run everything. Just don’t tell the doctors.
I was sad to hear about Randy.
When I retire, I think I’m gonna set down and learn how to play the box.
It is hard finding providers or groups who participate in gubment healthcare. It was with MediCal and not better in Medicare. I got a little spoiled when I lived in SF near UCSF. My last doctor there was an awesome woman who actually listened.
It is hard finding providers or groups who participate in gubment healthcare. It was with MediCal and not better in Medicare. I got a little spoiled when I lived in SF near UCSF. My last doctor there was an awesome woman who actually listened.
I loved Vassar, the Kissimmee Kid. He used to get out here a lot from association with Grisman and Garcia. I saw him do two shows one night with a bunch of powder fueled West Coast Bluegrass ‘superstars’ who just hogged the show. When somebody on stage asked if anybody had not been at the first show, Vassar raised his hand.
Not these guys.
West Coast Bluegrass, eh?
A rather active bunch, now more fueled by ‘grass and wine rather than ‘caine.
Well I hope they’ve got that high lonesome sound.
Whether you’re paying attention or not, isn’t it just common fucking sense that if you want to breathe, you should cover all your air holes?
I mean, even if you were forced to choose only one, wouldn’t you choose to put it over your nose? ‘Cuz you can shut your mouth.
Thank you for that take on the Southwest debacle. I thought the masks used to be larger so you could easily fit nose and mouth in the cup thingy. I was wondering how all these folks were breathing!
Thanks for the kind of sort of upbeat talk about lawyers, pj. I’m the first to say there are some real jerk lawyers out there. Egos egos egos.
So what was the outcome of your colonoscopy, in a not-too-much detail kind of question? Being a vegetarian (vegan most of the time) I don’t need another one in a long time. I only need repeat EGD’s (top down) because of an esophagus problemo.
Did you know women doctors have fewer mal-practice claims filed against them? ‘Tis true!
I just took 3 dogs to the Vet at once. Holy crap. Talk about a wallet buster. And they’re all healthy! They usually give me a multiple dog discount, but it was still plenty outrageous. Think if one had been ill, god forbid.
Happy Earth Day! – what’s left of it since Trump/Pence/Pruitt/Zinke rape and pillage it daily.
I hate to disparage anybody – obviously when shit like that happens, you’re gonna be in a bit of a state of panic, and I’ve never had the cabin depressurize (and hope never to), but, still. The damn things drop out right there in front of your face, and, you know, just shove it over your mouth and nose and then you can futz around with the rubber band. And you don’t have to tell me to take care of myself first and then the kids. You can always make more kids.
I didn’t get the hose part yet – just the initial
screwingscreening. I don’t really anticipate anything (more likely that they’ll kill me with an OD of the Propofol or zig when they shoulda zagged and perforate my colon, or maybe give me some nasty infection left over from somebody else’s asshole – frankly, I think the likelihood of one of those things is more likely than anything else, but of course there’d a lot of money to be made on these things – from the procedure, the prep meds, the lime Jello sales, and the Koch brothers make a bundle on toilet paper – and they save something like 4 lives per year of the 50 – 74 yr old crowd, so it’s totally worth it). It’s all clean living for me. Oatmeal, green leafy salad, black and/or red beans, and stir-fry veggies that I don’t actually stir fry – just blast them in the InstantPot. A little bit of chicken or turkey, but not much and not very often anymore. Oh, and popcorn – my one vice. Nuked without oil, no salt, no butter, no nothin’. And they tell me I have to quit that for a week before the procedure, so I don’t know what I’ll do. I should probably just shoot myself.Didn’t know about the malpractice, but it doesn’t surprise me. All things being equal, the females tend to at least do a better job of pretending you’re an actual human being. Less likely to get sued if you’re not an asshole – and there are a lot of arrogant male docs out there. Hopefully less in the younger generation.
I take my three varmints one at a time now. March, April, May. I could probably deal with two, but keeping the boys together in a confined area could lead to bloodshed. My boy Bud is up to 95 pounds now – all solid muscle. He’s like wrestling with a block of cement.
Remember when colonic cleansing was a big thing? I never got one, but I heard stories about popcorn kernals staying in your intestines for years. Oh the stories!
I think Sarah Jessica Parker got Steve Martin to do one of those in LA Story. “It was a great lunch and enema.”
When I was a kid, enemas were the “castor oil” cure-all. Had this big red rubber bag with a long hose and a tip that looked like a Nazi V2 rocke. I don’t know if it cured anything, but the very least, it averted a lot of hooky playing.
Still a thing out here. I was kind of taken aback driving by the office of a practitioner recently.
Sorry I didn’t post a Zappa YouTube on this. Yes, I worked this rekkid.
Before I left frisco, I had that other test with the stool sample. I wonder how effective it is. Much better than the rotorooter to me but I bet my rainmaker primary care gatekeeper prefers the more lubrant lucrative outpatient prodedure.
I guess this one is good though. The quack-doc recommended to me a new shingles vax and my pharmacist ran it and said my MediCare co-pay will be $3. instead of $200+. Next, pneumonia if the price is right.
Now noticing that R-wingers are embracing Kanye Kardashian for his embrace of drümpf. I remember how he was shunned widely about his blurt about Bush 43 at the Katrina telethon. When he was down and blackballed, I went to Apple World, and Steve Jobs brought him out to perform ‘Golddigger’. Nice gesture to a guy who was having career problems.
I was just reading the other day that shitting on a popsicle stick every year is no less effective than getting a hose job. This was reenforced when the NP poo-pooed those tests (w/o any prompting my behalf) and twice referred to the hose as the “gold standard of care.” Clearly scripted. My co-pay on the power-crapper “kit” was $25. This is all a huge scam.
With friends like that…
We had one of those in our bathroom when I was a kid. Never knew if personally, thank heaven.
Yesterday the doctor, today the vet. Common thread? Don’t forget your wallet.
No reason. I just love it.
Very nice version. A shame everybody’s gone now, except for Garth.
I’m not an expert or anything, but I would think that if you’re a crook and a con man, “don’t treat your lawyer like shit” should be rule #1.
How stupid is this guy?
I don’t condone the naked Waffle House guy’s actions, but I support his right to bear arms. Plus, he was just trying to get them to hold the sausage.
Last time there was a “royal” birth, I didn’t think I could care less. I was wrong.
This is how you tell the difference between the United States and Canada. Plus you can’t get good Poutine in the US.
…and now we’re back in the USA:
Listening to the old cop radio shows, the cops sound so much nicer. Of course, they never seemed to use search warrants and that whole lynching thing was going on, too. Have we ever been kinder gentler?
That old LaSalle ran great, too.
Joe Friday was a sanctimonious prick, though.
Three new red-tailed hawks just hatched. Congrats to the father, Otto, and mother – very aptly-named Sue.
Nice hawk babies. Palemale and Octavia hatched an unknown number of chicks a few days ago. They need to get stronger and bigger so they get their head above the nest edge before there are pictures.
Good to see ya, Sue. I was starting to worry about you.
This is the guy that turned me on to Bluegrass (with a little help from Jerry Garcia).
Garcia and OAITW were back there a little later. I guess I sort of backed when I was a teen in VA even though I lived in West Virginia for the Wonder Bread years and then in VA for 8 more before moving West to grow up with the country. My mother lived in Tennessee and Indiana and was always afraid she and we might be seen as white trash so we were not exposed to hillbilly music. I never was allowed to wear blue jeans until I went to college.
I got there after Dylan went Country as did The Byrds.. Their music could be Grassy and the Gram and Hillman formed The Flying Burrito Brothers and Katy bar the door. There was also Gene Clark hooking up with Doug Dillard. I also became a big fan of the Seldom Scene in the DC area where the Bluegrass scene was very active. Here is one of my favorite songs from them written by former Dillard who later played with him in numerous incarnations before and after they started the Desert Rose Band. Hill mane recently released a fine album that Ton Petty produced, his last project.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n7zPvGJ6bdk
I do not know why I can’t figure out how to embed on this iPad.
Bill Knowlton’s Bluegrass Ramble was on the lo-cal PBS station in, I think, the early 70s. Wasn’t a whole lot on the teevee back then and I liked listening to that stuff (my mom tolerated it better than my cranking up Jethro Tull or Black Sabbath, for one thing). If they’d allowed Roy and Buck to play more and skipped some of the corny “humor” I’d have liked Hee-Haw a lot better.
Then roundabout ’78 or so, there was a bar just a piece down the road from where I had a summer job. It had been (and would continue to be) a lot of different things over the years, but at that time it was called The Hayloft, and it was kind of a tiny place but they featured live Bluegrass and that’s when I really got into that kind of music, and fell in love with any instrument with strings – especially if it was performed live.
Ah, those were the days.
Golden State Killer suspect traced using genealogy websites
Not that I’m not glad this guy finally got caught (assuming it’s actually him, of course), but it’s a good reminder that when you do that seemingly innocuous spitting in a tube thing, no matter what these sites profess about your privacy and rights and all that, you sample is not your property and neither are the results. All of which leaves you open to legal discover or, worse – say, for example, your genetic predisposition towards various health conditions being sold to insurance companies who may or may bother to tell you why your rates are higher than they might otherwise be, or why you were denied coverage outright. A potentially high price to pay to find out you’ve got the same 2% of Neanderthal DNA that everybody else does.
Of course, you can always trust corporate America to do what’s right with your personal information, and trust that they’re keeping your information secure, and trust that the government agencies would never obtain information without proper authorization from a judge (with your knowledge and allowing you the ability to know that your information will been – or already has been – accessed and giving you the right to challenge that authorization in a court of law).
Amazing how relevant Presidential Rag remains. #SAD
I somehow managed to send a snide and sarcastic e-mail (hard to believe, I know) to the person (actually, it was the vendor’s company I was referring to, but ot got sent to the rep) I was being snide and sarcastic about last week. I thought about trying the “I WAS HACKED!!!” defense, but I figured nobody would fall for that.
Palemale has 2 chicks this year. I’m working on getting a photo posted.
palemale,far left and Octavia with the new chicks
Aw, what a good looking family.
Always been a sucker for cute chicks.