Yesterday, we brought you the story of a shameless woman who, when accused by Five-0 of talking on a cell phone, had the audacity of saying, “no I di-int,” and was promptly tasered (and will be live on the Today Show this morning; amazing what you gotta do to get on the teevee, but I reckon getting zapped with a taser is easier than giving birth to octuplets).

Today, it’s the story of a man released from prison after a mere 3 weeks for daring to yawn in court (it was apparently a very loud yawn). What’s next? Possibly a requirement to turn yourself in to the authorities for improper thought (we’ll have to rely on self-reporting, at least until they develop a thoughtometer that will alert the police when you’re thinking something you shouldn’t be – maybe light up a giant red “A” on your forehead – for “asshole,” not “adultery” – or something). One thing that remains legal, though, is shooting black guys (assuming you’re a white police officer, anyway) – even if that black guy turns out to be an off-duty cop.

Speaking of adultery, looks like John Edwards is getting ready to admit that he’s Rielle Hunter’s baby daddy. Why do I care? I don’t know, but it’s apparently almost as important as Michelle Obama’s red dress. As an aside, wouldn’t you just love to see her smack that Stepford Wife look off Pickles’ puss (I mean, not really, but kinda sorta)?

Turning to the world of assholery, who’s the bigger asshole? Michael Vick, or whoever it was in the Philadelphia Eagles’ organization that decided it would be OK to sign him? Tough call there, but I reckon I’ll go with Vick. Don’t give me that culture of the South or whatever bullshit; I’m not buying it. I’m as much a bleeding heart liberal as the next guy, but certain things I just can’t get past, and hurting kids or animals is right at the top of the list.

But, hey, whatever. At least it’s finally frackin’ Friday.